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Marius Fett

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Well this is something I heard from watching a well known ventriloquist called Jeff Dunham. It was all about superheroes.

 

People like superheroes. People like Aquaman because he can breathe underwater and talk to fish.

He has all the same powers as Spongebob.

 

The Hulk is cool because he gets stronger the angrier he gets...like every white trash guy on COPS.

 

The other bits I won't mention cause they do tip over the line a little bit. To end it though I have a dumb blonde joke:

 

A blonde walks into a store and sees a thermos. She asks the store person what a thermos was. The store clerk says it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. So the blonde buys the thermos. She takes it home. Later her friend, another blonde sees the thermos and asks what it was. The blonde says that it was a thermos. Her asks her what it is so the blonde says that it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Her friend asks what she has in it. The blonde answers, ,"Coffee and a popsicle."

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Dumb blonde joke: :D

 

There are three women (a blonde a brunett, and a redhead) who are lined up against a wall while a line of men with guns are about to shoot them. They all try to think of a way to escape the men.

 

The brunett shouts "earthquake!" and points behind the men. They turn around and while they do so, she escapes.

 

Then the redhead, catching on, shouts "tornado!" the men turn around again and she escapes. Now only the blonde is left.

 

The blonde hoping to get away too, shouts "fire!" The men then shoot her.

-------------------------

If you dont get it: the blonde yells fire so the soldiers do just that: they fire their weapons on her.

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Dumb blonde joke: :D

 

There are three women (a blonde a brunett, and a redhead) who are lined up against a wall while a line of men with guns are about to shoot them. They all try to think of a way to escape the men.

 

The brunett shouts "earthquake!" and points behind the men. They turn around and while they do so, she escapes.

 

Then the redhead, catching on, shouts "tornado!" the men turn around again and she escapes. Now only the blonde is left.

 

The blonde hoping to get away too, shouts "fire!" The men then shoot her.

-------------------------

If you dont get it: the blonde yells fire so the soldiers do just that: they fire their weapons on her.

 

:lol: I like that one...

 

Here's another:

 

What do sex and bungie jumping have in common?

 

 

If the rubber snaps you're screwed... :lol:

 

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Well this is something I heard from watching a well known ventriloquist called Jeff Dunham. It was all about superheroes.

 

People like superheroes. People like Aquaman because he can breathe underwater and talk to fish.

He has all the same powers as Spongebob.

 

The Hulk is cool because he gets stronger the angrier he gets...like every white trash guy on COPS.

 

The other bits I won't mention cause they do tip over the line a little bit. To end it though I have a dumb blonde joke:

 

A blonde walks into a store and sees a thermos. She asks the store person what a thermos was. The store clerk says it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. So the blonde buys the thermos. She takes it home. Later her friend, another blonde sees the thermos and asks what it was. The blonde says that it was a thermos. Her asks her what it is so the blonde says that it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Her friend asks what she has in it. The blonde answers, ,"Coffee and a popsicle."

 

Lol I hav seen dat. My fave two though are Walter and Achmed the dead terrorist :lol: SILENCE, I kill youuuuuuuuuu

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Just thought I would join in :D ...

 

Two blondes walking in the forest come across some tracks. One blonde goes, "Hey, look! Bear tracks!"

The other one goes over and inspects the tracks and says, "No, no. They're deer tracks."

The blondes argue for ten minutes straight before a train hits them.

 

Lame, I know, but hey.. It's funny xD

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Two guys walk into a bar... You'd think one of them would have seen it.

 

Two chickens, a rabbit, a bear, a priest and a rabbi all walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "Wat is this? A joke?"

 

What's the funniest thing about midgets.

 

The look on their face as they're flying through the air.

 

I really gotta brush up on my jokes... My wife has much better from when she was a bartender.

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A boy is born.

 

A year later for his first birthday his dad gives him a toy tractor.

 

The boy loves it and asks for one for every birthday and christmas for the next 9 years.

 

For his 10th birthday though he asks for a toy car.

 

He has it.

 

One day after that birthday he notices a house in his street is on fire.

 

Knowing that fire needs oxygen he decides to suck all the air out of the house...

 

So he opens the letterbox and sucks all the air out.

 

A man comes along and says:

 

"Oh my God! How did you do that!?"

 

"Easy," said the boy. "I'm an extractor-fan! :lol:

 

 

ex-tractor-fan

 

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Here's one, kinda rascist, sory if it offends anyone:

Since Americans throw rice at weddings do orientals throw hamburgers?

 

Q: Why are there no brunette jokes?

A: Because blondes would have to think them up.

 

Q: What do you call a smart blond?

A: A golden retriever.

:xp::D

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Another blonde joke:

Two blonds were traveling in a car to Disneyland. They were traveling along the freeway and were almost there, when they came to a sign which said "Disneyland Left". So they turned around and drove home.

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Sekan, Sekan Sekan...

 

That is just about the WORST joke since the Bishop of Barth and Wells got his knob out at Hampton Court and stood at the end of the corridor pretending to be a door! :lol:

 

Thank you... i think :xp:

 

More blonde jokes.

 

A blonde did go to a Coca-Cola automatic machine and putted coins in the machine so a Coke can did came out. She run away to get more coins. She continued to put coins in the machine so Coke can came out. Then did a brunette came and asked if she could let her just pay for a can. The blonde turned around and did say with angry voice: Don’t you see that I’am winning?

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Thank you... i think :xp:

 

More blonde jokes.

 

A blonde did go to a Coca-Cola automatic machine and putted coins in the machine so a Coke can did came out. She run away to get more coins. She continued to put coins in the machine so Coke can came out. Then did a brunette came and asked if she could let her just pay for a can. The blonde turned around and did say with angry voice: Don’t you see that I’am winning?

 

...meh. You sad strange little man... :lol:

 

Short blonde joke:

 

The blonde was so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

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...meh. You sad strange little man... :lol:

 

Short blonde joke:

 

The blonde was so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

 

Not sad, Happy :D

 

Another blond joke:

What is the difference between the planet mars and a blond girl?

 

 

There is hope for intelligent life on mars.

 

 

Edit:

 

A new one:

 

Why have blonde girls have toothpaste in their under pants?

 

 

Becuase they want to have less holes

 

 

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Sekan? GET SOME HELP! :lol:

 

A man is born with green skin...

He wishes more than anything to be white so people can't make fun of him.

One day he meets a genie.

 

The genie gives him three wishes. First he wishes for some pie.

The genie gives him a gone off pie.

Then he wishes for chocolate.

The genie gives him gone off chocolate.

Then he wishes to be white.

The genie turns hum into a tampon.

 

The man says

"That's the problem with these wishes, theres always a bloody string attatched!" :lol:

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I don't have time to get help :xp:

 

Here another one:

Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.

 

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"

 

"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.

"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.

 

"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage"

 

The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.

"Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.

"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.

 

About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door.

"I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed.

"You painted the whole porch?"

"Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"

 

The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.

"Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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And do try to come up with better ones, as these are some of the worst I've ever read.

Well, everyone has their own taste.

 

Anyway...

Two old men are sitting in the park and one of them says:

"I feel like a baby."

"Why is that?" Asks the other one.

"Well, I have no hair, I have no teeth and I just wet my pants."

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