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Why so down? Not that you are not allowed or untitled to such feelings, I was just wondering if some event in particular set these feelings in motion, or is it just how you felt, suddenly an unprovokingly, when you woke up from this morning?

 

After all, life is, by nature, imperfect and certainly full of it's ups and downs, but we must remember to cherish the things and memories that are good and fond both, those that have passed, and those that are in the here and now.

 

Though "cheesy" and cliche, the old Bing Crosby song, "Accentuate the Positive and Eliminate the Negative" really is an ideal that we should try to adhere to. Inherently, as well as subconciously, as humans, we seem to lean towards the pessimistic side of our beings, and focus on the negatives that surround our daily lives, but in reality, there is just as much, and in most cases more, positive things and good things that exist within our lives that we seem to take for granted and/or seem to acknowledge with only a passive acceptance. It's those things that we need to focus on, it's these things that will bring a smile to our faces, and help ease the sorrow of a depression laden mind.

 

For example, is there anything more precious, more positive, more beautiful than the smile and grin of your baby boy? Surely the troubles of life seemingly melt away when you're cuddling with your son, and he looks at you and gives that sheepish grin, that can only be answered with an overwhelming desire to giggle and smile uncontrollably. Or just simply glance down to the ring on your finger, and think of the amazing commitment that it represents and the unbelievably awesome day that awaits you and your fiance. Think back to the reasons you said yes to him. Those romantic nights on the telephone. The dinners or the nights at the movies. Hell, even the hot and steamy moments in the back seat of a car, after all, there is nothing wrong with physical attraction and the intimate passion within the confines of commitment and marriage ;)

 

Look back to the amazing blessings you have been granted from God. You survived a horrific accident, and even now you have gained prosperity from it. From events, seemingly horrendous and horrific, God can bring from them goodness and blessings. Don't focus on what evils have befallen you, but rather look to the blessings granted and the evils you've overcome.

 

This depression, in and of itself, will make you stronger for having overcome it. Do not give in to the sorrows, the doubts, the worries, the anguish. Stand strong, and surround yourself with your loved ones. Find hope in whatever you can. Seek Joy, whenever possible, forget the sorrows of past, take heart in the future. And whatever you do, when you find that hope and joy. Affix your eyes on it and hold on tight because though life be imperfect, you are above the imperfection in both God's eyes, your loved ones' eyes, and in our eyes.

 

You are a beautiful person, full of life. Your flame has served as a guiding light to me as well as others, and though the flame may flicker and dim, we will not allow it to smother out. It WILL burn high again, it will dance in amber beams of joy and cast it's soft glow on shadows of sadness and sorrow, and the radiance of life's sweet joy that has been such a great part of who you are, Shannon, will return in full and this will all be just another dark memory to put behind you.

 

 

 

Or as Mark Twain once said,

 

"Cheer up! The worst is yet to come!"

 

 

(Meant, tongue in cheek of course!) ;)

 

We love you Shannon, as friends often do,

and know I'm not the only one, when I say,

we are here for you!

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hahhaaa last night if i had a gun i would've aimed at my head and pulled the trigger, but fortunetely, i don't have a gun, or a head for that matter. :D

 

yes, i too am a little depressed, i was yelled at for being nervous last night at work by one of my bosses.....something that's hard for me to change since homeschool ruined me socially. :rolleyes:

 

anyways...

 

postal 2/morrowind, loud music, and coffee/cappacino do wonders. :D

 

one thing that flipped my emotions around so i'm all happy again is that i believe i fixed my computer, which FREEZES CONSTANTLY, i had it on 32 bit, and so i was like 'mmmm....16 bit?' and i changed it and it hasn't frozen since. :D

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I dunno if you've seen these yet, but try out some of Strong Bad's Emails

 

Seen that? Try reading some stories at Techcomedy.com. It's all about Tech Support & IT people and the (L)Users they encounter. They post stories and quips that can be highly entertaining (well, I think so).

 

There's my 2 cents...just remember what Havoc said, you've always been here for us & we'll always be here for you.

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here i am again. the land of sad. i want to just curl up in a little ball and dissapear. yes, my baby son does make me happy - but this is different. my fiance and i have been fighting all week and just wen things were about to go from bad to better it went to worse. he was supposed to stop smoking a long time ago...but today i happen to look at msn money. usually i don't look at the $ he spends. i trust him. well it had asked me to go through a couple of our credit cards statements and you have to verify each one. well he's been making 4 dollar charges at 7-11. so i confronted him. this is a day after we just had a huge fight about him not helping out, always being gone etc. well now over the phone he lies and says he buys snacks at 7-11 and do i want him to stop and go try and remember what he bought so he can prove to me. i said don't bother. when he came home he told me he had been lying forever now about quitting and he feels stupid. he syas he wants to quit. but he has told me that a number of times now. i was already about to leave him 2 days ago...and now my heart has just been slaughtered once again. i told him the only thing that was keeping me and him together was matthew and that i just didn't know what to do anymore. w/ my money i was getting i was going to give it to him to get a new truck - but i told him yesterday that i wasn't anymore. that i didn't feel he deserved it. in my heart i love him - but it kills me that he lies to me. we are supposed to be getting married. i never lie to him about anything. i take crap for spending money on my hobby which is scrapbooking...like 8 bucks here and there...but he hides buying ciggerettes w/ our money? how is that fair. i just don't know what to do. part of me that loved him isnow dead. i just don't know what to do. i am not excited about getting married anymore etc. i want to remain happy for my son but i don't know if i can be strong like that anymore. u c i used to be really depressed a couple of years ago. i don't want to go back to that at all. I am trying to be as strong as possible. how am i to know that my fiance is being truthful anymore. he has hid his habit so well - all that i have is to rely on what he tells me. i don't have time to try and sneak up and prove his lying. i've been there done that. my dad has a disease from smoking and could die anytime. still my fiance smokes? its ridiculous. my fiance wants to stay together to try and re-build what we have. but i just can't find it anywhere in me to ddo that again. :( :(

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Shannon,

 

I am so sorry, I was not aware that the problems stemmed from the very situation I told you to look for joy.

 

Your situation is difficult, don't let anyone tell you otherwise or that you're overreacting. Marriage is a commitment founded on the basical principal of trust. Without trust, all the love in the world will not be able to keep it togethor.

 

However, it would be folly for anyone here, to give "advice" on such a situation as this. It would not be proper and would not be grounded in the intimate knowledge of your relationship and your lives togethor that is required to give advice in this aspect of someone's life. You alone must make the choices that lay ahead of you. We will support in any way we can, no matter what choice you make, because we are your friends.

 

I will let you know that I found myself in a very similar situation about 7 years ago. I was engaged to a girl whom I dated through High School and she was my whole world. When I had first met her, she smoked. I did not harp on her for it, but I told her my concerns and that it would please me greatly to see her quit. She agreed to quit and seemed to make every effort to do so. By the way this happened before the engagement. Fast forward a little ways, and she had totally quit, so she said, and we got engaged. Soon thereafter, I went to her job to suprise her with roses and a card, just out of the blue. When I got there, her co-workers said she was outside in the back of the office building. I rounded the corner, flowers in hand with a big grin on my face, which quickly turned to anguish, at seeing her there smoking. It broke my heart, not so much because she was smoking (My wife smokes, it doesn't upset me that much), but because she lied to me about it. If she had just been honest and said, "I'm having a really hard time kicking the habit." I would have understood, but instead she hid it from me, and told me she had quit. I was crushed, but I did give her anotehr chance, and you know what...

 

She did finally quit, for real. Of course then I caught in her bed with my best friend, so it never worked out. ;) So the moral of the story is, trust is integerel to a relationship. Yeah, I gave her a second chance and she did quit smoking, but the trust was never regained anyways, due to her boffing my friend.

 

Though, this story is similar to yours in many aspects, there is, of course, a huge underlying difference. There wasn't a kid involved. (Actually, there was. She had a 2 year old daughter, but it wasn't mine. I loved her as my own, but she wasn't) The fact that Matthew exists, makes every choice more real, more weightier and more intense. You mutual love for him may be the redemptive push that your fiance needs to turn this thing around and start rebuilding the trust that has been lost, but remember too, that staying togethor for soley Matthew's sake, isn't necessarily the best thing for the boy either. It could actually be worse depending on the demeanor of his parents and the atmosphere created by them in the home as two people who are living togethor but fell out of love long ago.

 

My only advice to you is, pray, and I will keep you and your loved ones in my prayers as well, and Remember, no matter what happens, we will be here for you and support you as best as an online community can! :)

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Originally posted by STTCT

that's what i'm most afraid of, that if he lies about one thing, he will lie about other things. i don't want to throw my life away w/ a liar. why is life so hard?

 

Unfortunately, that feeling is unavoidable. Now, as adults, we see what are parents meant when they said they couldn't trust us, because we lied. The worst feeling is not knowing what's true or not. To doubt every word out of someones mouth because of the loss of trust, especially it that someone is somebody we love and spend time with constantly.

 

There is always hope, Everybody has been caught in a lie sometime in their life, and yet we still can rebuild the trust that was lost when that happened. No everyone is a chronic liar. Most people feel remorse and shame and genuinely hard to regain the trust they lost. Because of Matthew, your fiance may be more apt to try to make things up and regain that trust, but there is not gauruntees. Of course, even if he does shape up and rebuild the trust, he will probably lie again someday down the road. Why? Because we all will, we are imperfect, and sometimes we opt for little whit lies to cover moments of embarresment etc. Surlely even you have lied before, and in the future you may again. We are human, and lieing is the number one most common "wrong" we, as humans, commit.

 

No matter what, this situation is one that requires discresion, careful thought, much discussion between all parties involved, lots of prayer, and all the support you can get. Try not to be hasty, but don't make decisions for the wrong reasons either. Matthew is going to play a huge part in the choices you make now and forever, which is essential and only right. However, don't let the fact that you have a child, blind you to the truthor corral you into a decision that you would have never made otherwise. There are several lives and futures at stake here, not just his.

 

I have faith in you, Shannon, you will take the time you need, consider all the facts, and in the end no matter what, you will make the right decision, whatever it is. Rest assured, it will be a difficult time, and it will require patience, and a strong will, and what strength you can't muster, you come here and draw strength from us.

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