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Horrible, horrible movies


Kain

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Originally posted by TiE 23

I know what you mean. "Can a brother get some water?" HOLY CRAP, WHAT THE ****??!!

 

TiE

That is just sad and a waste of money doing that movie. Very bad effects with action and how the babies talk and do adult things such as hand shakes or professional dance moves.

Poor and sad.

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Originally posted by Crazy_dog no.3

Ha! You guys don't know bad until you've seen the pile of sh*t known as ....

 

CALIGULA

 

 

I came across this in my parents porn collection(!) when I was around 14(!!). I heard that this was meant to be the worst movie of all time, Ebert says it's the only movie he's ever walked out of, it was supposed to be filled with hardcore sex scenes, etc. But nothing could prepare me for what happened next.

 

There was incest, rape, gay sex (I'm OK with gays but I did NOT want to see them ... you know), necrophilia and the thankfully light scenes of bestiality. It would probably make Ed Gein look away in disgust. Now I've never had anything against sex/nudity in films (Salma Hayek in Desperado :naughty: ) but that was taking it too far.

The acting was painfully bad, the sets mostly all looked the same, historical innacuracy was high (a lawnmower decapitation machine in ancient Rome?) in the script was crap and the editor was probably under the influence of some sort of narcotic substance. I mean we have sex scenes in the middle of extreme voilence and even sometimes in the middle of dialoge. WTF?

 

Your parents sound cool, with crazy hardcore porn like that....

 

mmm....crazy hardcore porn[/homer voice]

 

Ive seen Caligula, no biggie, I've seen Salo, no biggie..... theyre still not as bad as any chick flick :(

 

mtfbwya

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Originally posted by edlib

A movie that looked so very bad that I could never actually bring myself to see it: "Dungeons & Dragons."

Just the ads I saw on that sold me on the fact that it was going to be horrible.

*Shudders*

That movie sucked utter monkey-nuts :barf:
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Originally posted by Herminator_64

Indeed it suck HUGE monkey-nuts. worst part is, theyre making a SEQUEL!! with PARIS HILTON!!!1111111ONEONEONE

 

At least thats what Ive heard...

Sweet mother of Lucifer... :barf:

 

Another terrible movie was Pearl Harbor :/

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Originally posted by Herminator_64

Indeed it suck HUGE monkey-nuts. worst part is, theyre making a SEQUEL!! with PARIS HILTON!!!1111111ONEONEONE

 

At least thats what Ive heard...

 

Oh sweet mother of all that is good...

 

*banging*

*head*

*on*

*keyboard*

 

I can see it now: The Erotic Adventure of Drizzt Do'Urden

 

 

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1. The Blair Witch Project

 

I rank this as the most terrible movie I have ever spent money on. After watching 90 minutes of kids waving flashlights on thier face, sticks and stones, and jerky camera motions, I could almost hear the directors mocking me for the ultimate practical joke of a lifetime. "Ha, you dumb ass, you paid money so we could frighten you with sticks, stones and flashlights....gullable bastards! Truly the most frightning part of the movie, was the angry theater patrons during the credits. The best review of The Blair Witch Project was one man in the front row, hurling his drink at the screen during the end credits.

 

2. The English Patient

 

Dumb ass English guy gets burned to a crisp, and we spend the next 3 hours watching his sappy love story, through his crispy awful burned off lips. We watch this guy carry a dead chick through the desert for days....THAT must have smelled good. Very discustin movie.....second worse movie I have EVER seen in my life.

 

3. Monster

 

Charlize Theron won an Oscar for portraying the worst character in the third most worse movie I have ever bestowed upon my own eyes. This movie should never have seen the light of day.

 

 

Charlize plays a true life character, serial killer; Aileen Wuornos, a burned out haggard prostitute on the verge of suicide. She falls for closet lesbian, Selby Wall, played by Christina Ricci. Charlize decides to do one last trick to make some money to go see Christina.....it goes bad, as her trick decides to knock her out, and rape her with a blunt object. After she wakes up... she freaks out, grabs a gun and shoots the guy. She freaks out, grabs Christina and they run away. After several attempts to get a job fail, she goes back to being a prostitute, only this time, she decides to kill her tricks, and steal thier cars/money/personal belongings.....etc. She keeps doing this until ultimately, her now somewhat estranged girlfriend Christina Ricci, turns her in to the police , in exchange for a plea bargain.

 

 

I can't tell if this movie was suppose to make us feel sorry for Wuornos, or glorify her actions. Despite what happened to her....dammit, she's still a cold blooded killer. Who was the first female serial killer to be sent to execution. Hows that for a happy ending? I left that movie feeling both emotionally disturbed, and morally bankrupt.

 

4. U - Turn

 

Sean Penn + Jennifer Lopez = bad chemistry experiment. It should have been called wrong movie, because this movie is all about wrong.

 

5. Titanic

 

James Cameron steaks his life savings centering his disaster movie around the most hackneyed love story every envisioned. Watching the damn thing sink, redeemed the ticket price, but the love story unfortunately goes on even longer than that damned Celine Dion song.

 

6. The Exorcist

 

Why people think it is so scary only proves why the human race is devoid of all logic and reason. This movie has been given better treatment than Casa Blanka, enhanced, restored, redone....yada yada. People line up in droves to watch Linda Blair hurl pea soup and stab her privates with a crucifix. The power of Christ compells you not to watch this movie.

 

7. Megaforce

 

Barry Bostwick tries to replicate The Road Warrior in shiny spandex...circa 1982. The whole fiber of this film is as lifeless as the deserts they cross.

 

8. Dune

 

This is the 1984 David Lynch adaptation of the Frank Herbert Classic. The result was the record biggest flop of the decade. Though the special effects and costumes are quite breathtaking, the method of story telling wraps your brain into tangled knots, had you not read the story before.

 

9. Waterworld

 

Mad max again on a fictional world created by Kevin Kostner, where the polar ice caps have melted, and token anti-hero ALSO played by Kevin Koster agrees to take (Jeanne Tripplehorn) and her adoptive daughter (Tina Majorino) to rumored dry land. The end result is watching how Kevin Koster pisses away $200 million into the sea.

 

10. Batman & Robin

 

Director Joel Shumacker, and "actor" George Klooney join forces turning Bob Kane's dark crime fighter into a two hour circus of the stars with big crotch cups, armor nipples, and a whole-lotta really bad dialouge. At the time, if this would have been presented as "Batman on Ice" and marketed towards children, I might have bought it. This movie killed the Batman Franchise, and turned Tim Burton's award winning Dark Night series into a campy costumed clunk head, who made Adam West look like Dirty Harry. The only thing this film did successfully, was prove that the costume, and the logos, don't sell the movie. This is one exception where audiences got smart.

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nice list groovy, cept for dune and waterwourld. i really liked Dune and i hadnt even read the books, i now own the original movie the two new ones and am planning on reading them sometime :)

 

also, waterworld wasnt that bad i didnt think, i've seen much worse action movies. yea, the budget was a goof of monu-fecking-mentic proportions, but i didnt think it was a bad waste of a couple hours.

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Hehehe, Titanic. I was forced to see it in the theater and when that guy smoked the propeller on the way down, I swear the people in the next screen could here me laugh. And when Leo died, again, everyone in the building could hear me laugh.

 

How I do so enjoy laughing at others suffering.

 

 

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Originally posted by Darth Groovy

4. Wrong Turn

 

Sean Penn + Jennifer Lopez = bad chemistry experiment. It should have been called wrong movie, because this movie is all about wrong.

 

Wrong movie. You're talking about U-Turn. And I kinda liked it. Epsecially the characters played by S. Penn, Billy Bob, and Jaoqin (sp?) Phoenix. Hell, I even liked Nick Nolte in that, and I almost always hate him. Anyway.

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Originally posted by CapNColostomy

Wrong movie. You're talking about U-Turn. And I kinda liked it. Epsecially the characters played by S. Penn, Billy Bob, and Jaoqin (sp?) Phoenix. Hell, I even liked Nick Nolte in that, and I almost always hate him. Anyway.

 

*goes to check*

 

Ahh, your correct. My apology. *fixes post*

 

Originally posted by acdcfanbill

nice list groovy, cept for dune and waterwourld. i really liked Dune and i hadnt even read the books, i now own the original movie the two new ones and am planning on reading them sometime :)

 

also, waterworld wasnt that bad i didnt think, i've seen much worse action movies. yea, the budget was a goof of monu-fecking-mentic proportions, but i didnt think it was a bad waste of a couple hours.

 

Dune could have been so much better though. It had the costumes, the budget, the great actors, but that movie fell apart at that seems dude! I watched the made for Sci-Fi channel remake "Frank Herbert's Dune" and loved it. Had it been done more like that, I'd have liked it. Part of the problem was trying to squeeze all that info into a two hour movie, it just doesn't work.

 

Originally posted by IG-64

Grooves, you forgot Bats, the Leprecaun series, and Men in Black II

 

MIBII wasn't great, but wasn't terrible either. Never saw the Leprechaun movies, nor do I intend to any time during my natural life. I'm one of those guys that can see the hidden messages on the back of a video box. Something about a killer leprechaun screams, "PLEASE DO NOT RENT THIS".

 

Actually, I kind of like Bats. I know it is a horrible movie, but it kind of makes me laugh, because it is a good midnight movie, complete with every monster movie cliche' in the book! I also love watching Dina Meyer! :naughty:

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