Leper Messiah Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 did a thread a while back on cartoon quotes, but ill cast the net elsewhere on this one and ask what are the best quotes you've heard in your own experience (rather than on tv etc) my current favorite is a mates: "The other day I found out my best mate slept with my girlfriend and my sister in the same week" *awkward silence for a few seconds* "Not on really is it?"
-DK-Squee Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 One of my favorite quotes is a John Lennon quote "I only tried drugs once.........after that I did them"
--ZeeMan-- Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 what goes up will keep going up if it's thrown hard enough
Leper Messiah Posted November 23, 2004 Author Posted November 23, 2004 Originally posted by InsaneSith "dude, your mom is hot" i dont think anyone wants to hear their friends say that, especially not girlfriends saying that as famously happened to someone in my school
Boba Rhett Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 "YOU CAN ADJUST DEPTH OF PENETRATION AND ANGLE OF ATTACK" "We were stranded in the snow.... our radio was broken... for the love of god, we had to eat SOMETHING!"
Mike Windu Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 "East? I thought you said Weast!" "I am the dark underlord of evil... they call me... PEACHES!" Patrick: You're a man now, SpongeBob, and it's time you started acting like one. SpongeBob: Yeah. Oh, but I'm not sure how. Patrick: Allow me to demonstrate. First, puff out your chest. [spongeBob puffs out his chest] Patrick: Now say, "tax exemption." SpongeBob: Tax exemption. Patrick: Now you must develop a taste for free-form jazz. [both listen intently to jazz music] Patrick: Okay, you're ready. ManRay: Excuse me sir, but I believe you dropped your wallet. Patrick: It doesn't look familiar to me. ManRay: What? But I just saw you drop it. I am trying to be a good citizen, and return it to you. Patrick: Return what to who? ManRay: [Reaching into the wallet and pulling out Patrick's I. D] Are you a Mr. Patrick Starr? Patrick: Yep. ManRay: And this is your I. D. Patrick: Yep. ManRay: And I found it in this wallet, and therefore, this must be your wallet. Patrick: Makes sense to me. ManRay: So, take it. Patrick: It's not mine. Barnacle Boy: We won. And the superhero-supervillain rules require you to do what I say. ManRay: World domination. Ask for world domination. The Dirty Bubble: Make him eat dirt. [Man-Ray gives him a curious look] The Dirty Bubble: In addition to the world domination thing. Patrick: Liar, liar, plants for hire. SpongeBob SquarePants: It's pants on fire, Patrick. Patrick: Well you would know, liar. Patrick: 24 [spongeBob and Patrick giggle] SpongeBob SquarePants: [giggling] Hey Patrick, I just thought of something funnier than 24. Patrick: Let's hear it. SpongeBob SquarePants: 25. [both burst out laughing] Patrick: We're not talking about some dumb mail fraud scheme or hijacking, here. WE STOLE A BALLOON. Mr. Krabs: I didn't want to tell you this in front of Patrick, but that hat makes you look like a girl. SpongeBob SquarePants: Am I a pretty girl? Mr. Krabs: Yes, yes, you're... you're beautiful.
IG-64 Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 I know, I know, no cartoon quotes, but I have to slip in a few Family Guy ones Tom Tucker: Now let's go to Greg The Weather Mime. OK... it's going to be cold... lots of wind... and it looks like parents are going to throw human fecal matter from the rooftops onto their children ... oh, GOD. That's awful. No wait, it looks like rain. Yes, rain. Peter: That was then and this is now. And this is a chair. And that's a lamp. And you have boobies. And I'm gonna find that trophy. Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.' Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios. XD And, uh... I can't think of any personal quotes >.>
Mike Windu Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 just fer you IG Sandy Cheeks: Don't you DARE take the name of Texas in vain. SpongeBob SquarePants: You mean we can't say anything bad about dumb old Texas? Sandy Cheeks: No, you can't! Patrick: Well, can we say that people from Texas are dumb? [spongeBob has shaped himself in the form of Texas to irritate Sandy] SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Patrick. What am I? Patrick: Stupid? SpongeBob SquarePants: No, I'm Texas. Patrick: What's the difference? Don't take it too seriously, they're just sea creatures:p
KBell Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for? Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World. "Alcohol, the cause and solution to, all of life's problems" Homer Simpson
Leper Messiah Posted November 23, 2004 Author Posted November 23, 2004 damn you infidels we already did the cartoon quotes!
CapNColostomy Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 A patient where I work- "I'm tired of the staff around here treating me like I'm an @$$hole!" My boss turning to look at me- "He must not know how we really treat assholes around here."
El Sitherino Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Originally posted by CapNColostomy A patient where I work- "I'm tired of the staff around here treating me like I'm an @$$hole!" My boss turning to look at me- "He must not know how we really treat assholes around here." XD that was great.
Mike Windu Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 *Squidward plays clarinet* *knock* Doctor: "Yeah, uhh...I'm with the pet hospital down the street and I understand you have a dying animal on the premises..." Squidward: *SLAM* (door closes)
Agen Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 "That which does not kill me, only postpones the inveitable"
stingerhs Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 ahh, the sweet sound of stupidity from the folks that come through my drive-thru.... Me-"What would you like to drink with that #1?" Guy-"Mayo" Me-"Umm, what would you like to drink?" Guy-"Oh, umm, do you guys have any Tabasco sauce?" (i get this one quite often, and remember, this is a drive-thru window) Me-"Welcome. Can I take your order?" Somebody-"Ya, umm, I'll have a burger and fries....to go." Somebody-"Let me have a double-cheeseburger with fries and a Coke. Oh, and uhh, no cheese on that burger." Me-"Welcome. Can I take your order?" Somebody-*ignores me and talks on a cell phone for two minutes* Me-"Can I take your order??" Somebody-*two more minutes pass*"Hang on, I'll call you back. (to me)Umm, ya, give me a minute."
--ZeeMan-- Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 oooooh if we're doing food service stupidy but memorable quotes the games over and i've got it captured... these are actual questions i've had to answer.... Does pepperoni come of a veggie lovers? Do onions come on a meat lovers? this next one takes the cake and eats it too.... Do you accept cash? - No I'm sorry, fine jewels and first born children only....
Mike Windu Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 Maybe they like to pay in bubble money? "Bubble Buddy says this drink tastes a little funny, what do you think Squidward?" "Oh... silly me... I got the DIET shampoo..."
stingerhs Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 you guys outa hear some of the stuff the 3rd shift manager has recorded (yes, recorded. he found the drive-thru frequency and hooked up a radio to a tape recorder) those drunks say some of the most insane stuff..... (note-manager is married with children and male) manager-"Welcome. Can I take your order?" drunk chick-"Ya, uumm, *giggles* I want, no, wait, we want *giggles* 6 cheeseburgers, plain, with an ice to drink." (at the window, true story, and the same drunk chick) manager-"Your total is (some number over $20)" drunk chick-"But we don't have that much. *giggles*I'll tell ya what, I'll flash my boobies at you, and you can take $5 off the price." manager-"Sure you can flash me all you want, but your total is still gonna be (whatever the price was)." drunk chick-"Well, that just f***in sucks. What if me and you went into the bathrooms, and had a little bit of fun..." (i censored what she acutually said at the end there. its just a tad graphic) i hate my store being open 24 hrs.
Writer Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 Ever get asked if your business takes Quest cards? I have. We used to, but now there's a sign on the front of our register that clearly states that we don't... how stupid can some people be? Another thing: people will come in and order a pizza. We'll make it for them and give it to them. They'll stare at it for a minute and then say, "Don't you cook them here?" No, dummies, it's take and bake! Read the signs "Fresh Ready to Bake" not "Already Baked":p
Kain Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 This is from my job. *Manager on intercom* The store will be closing in 5 minutes. *Customer to me, not 5 feet from manager* When do you guys close? *Me staring blankly* *Manager* 10PM. *Customer* How much longer, I mean. *Me staring blankly a little bit more* *Me standing next to 50lbs bags of dogfood* *Customer* Where is your dog food? *Me staring blankly at dog food for a few seconds* 3 aisles over that way. *Customer looks* That way? *Me* Yes...that way.*leaves aisle* *Me standing in Health and Beauty, 2 aisles from Electronics which has a huge wall of TV's on display* *Customer* Where do you guys sell TVs at? *Me pointing in wrong direction* Back corner of the store. *Me trying to move a 35" TV alone, obviously struggling* *Customer* Is that heavy? *Me, with so much sarcasm in my voice it pained me* Nope, just trying to get it to stretch its legs out.*muttering*Shmuck. *Me sitting in Cafe, eating a burger, obviously on break* *Customer* Can you help me with something? *Me* I suppose I could...if I wasn't on break. *Customer* Well can you come off of your break? *2 other employees walk by* Ask one of them. *Customer visibly aggitated* I didn't ask them, I asked you. *Me, taking huge bite from burger so I don't have to respond for a minute* And I didn't ask you to ask them, I told you to ask them. *Customer, red cheeked* Where is your manager? *Me, grinning like the Chesire Cat* Why? *Customer* I want to report how rude your being! *Me* Hey (manager's name), this customer has something to tell you. *Customer explains situation* *Manager looks at me and shakes his head* I could write you up for this. *Me* He's only being a dick because he's my brother. *Manager shakes his head and leaves* *Customer* I ain't your ****in brother. *Me, chewing on burger* Yea, but he doesn't know that. *Customer* Well, I want you to explain to him that I ain't your brother. *Me* Well, I want you to piss off but it just ain't happening, is it? *gets up and goes into the employee lounge* I never did get in trouble for that either.
Darth Groovy Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 Jules: "English mother****er, do you speak it?" Brad: "What?" Jules: "What ain't no Country I ever heard of, do they speak English in What?!" Brad: "What" Jules(now pointing a gun at Brad) :"Say what one more god damn time! I dare you mother****er say what again?" Jules: "What does Marcellis Wallace look like?" Brad: "He's bald.....he's black...." Jules: "Does he look like a bitch?" I love that bit! Pulp Fiction is VERY quotable, and so is Apocalypse Now; "I love the smell of napalm in the morning...."
Sabretooth Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 "My testicle is covered by ants." - Homer Simpson
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