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The Lighter Side of Life (jokes, humor, etc.)


ChAiNz.2da

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@Stinga, Rock On with the Slob Powa!:cool:

Actually that's why I have my monitor on the highest shelf, and my comfy chair is just right:D

 

@jmac, I've found Saget rather dull. Who doesn't have eyebeams!?

 

@Jk707, Yay another TRUTH anti-smoking commercial:xp: Anyone else getting sick of those?

 

@COW, No. You're confusing it with his obsession with anime fox girls;)

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Well, when we were visiting Missouri, we passed a little town and saw this. We wondered if it was really a water tower or if it contained something else.

(sorry for pic quality)

 

bourbontank10bn.th.jpg

 

(says "Bourbon" if it's not terribly clear for some of you)

 

Apparently one "Water" tower was not enough for this town, because we saw this just down the road from the first "Water" tower.

 

anotherbourbonpic1hn.th.jpg

 

We made sure to give any Bourbon drivers a wide berth. :) We're pretty sure that no matter what, they've got to be having a fine time. :D

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Some great cures for little things that happen in life. I'm sure they'll get the Jae Onasi Seal of Approval:

 

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

 

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

 

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

 

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

 

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

 

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

 

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

 

Edit: I just learned a new your mama joke: Your mama's so stupid she thinks innuendo is a suppository.

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"These are not the urinal we are looking for" HA HA HA!!!!!! . . .*clears thoat*

 

Anyway. . .

 

No, the proper thought here is "Thank goodness we're not girls!"

 

@Hallucination: You have high standards on grammar, I have them on, well, I don't know, I'm just making this up as I go along. :D

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^

Well, you know, you have to have aspirations to something. :D Mine is to try to avoid doing first aid on people who've done something spectacularly stupid to themselves.

 

Oh, what's that? Wisconsin has a duty to act law, so I'm required to render aid. Oh well, guess I'll help after all....

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funniest 6 minutes I've seen In a while :lol:

Heh, this one is one of my favorites. Man, when they put this thing on youtube, it shot straight to the top. W/ almost 30 million views, nothing else even comes close.

 

Edit:

Just found this picture.

microsoftlogo.jpg

hehe

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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

 

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous at the

pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get

nervous, I take a sip."

 

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

 

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

 

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

 

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

 

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

 

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

 

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

 

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

 

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

 

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

 

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,

Junior

and the spook.

 

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

 

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't

say he was stoned off his ass.

 

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

 

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and

 

eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me".

 

12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry".

 

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for

the

grub, Yeah God.

 

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a

peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

 

This was copied directly from my email. If you find any spelling errors, feel free to PM me and wait for a response that will never come.;)

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