Rogue Nine Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Yeah, go easy on me, I've never written a Star Wars fanfic before. But I couldn't keep this in my head any longer, it was just begging to get out. So without further ado... --------------- Chapter I “Selby, wake up!” Selby Ballantine opened her eyes sleepily. The ground was not very comfortable, as she could still feel it through the padding she was laying on. Wincing, she raised herself up into a sitting position and looked around. The tent canvas was slightly aglow, indicating it was probably dawn. The makeshift bedding beside her was empty. Selby became a little bit more alert. She could’ve sworn she’d heard her Master’s voice calling her… “Selby, I need your help!” A jolt of adrenaline shot through her body, causing her to become completely awake. It was definitely her Master calling her, and he was in trouble. Grabbing her lightsaber off of the ground next to her, Selby stood up and opened the flap of the tent. What she saw made her gasp in surprise and fear. Her Master, Mical, was locked in a deadly dance of lightsabers with two assailants wielding the crimson red blades associated with practitioners of the Dark Side. Igniting her brilliant blue blade, she rushed to her Master’s aid. One of the Dark Jedi, noticing her approach, disengaged from fighting Mical and moved to meet her head on. Selby gritted her teeth and moved her blade to the level of her waist in preparation for an upward attack. Using the momentum from her charge, she pivoted her arms up, slashing at her opponent as soon as he was in range. The Dark Jedi brought his blade down for a powerful parry, knocking her blade out of the way. He immediately riposted, slicing his lightsaber diagonally in a move meant to hack her torso in two. Selby, still off balance from his parry, twisted her body to avoid the attack while moving her saber to beat his blade away. She managed to contact and hit it, but not before the tip cut into her tunic and grazed her side. Gasping at the burning hot pain, she backpedaled and spun away from her enemy. The Dark Jedi smiled maliciously at her as he approached with an easy, arrogant swagger. He was young, no more than twenty-five years of age, yet his eyes glowed with the intense malevolence of the Dark Side of the Force. His features, which would have otherwise been considered fairly handsome, were marred by dark lines appearing like veins just under his skin. He raised his lightsaber to point at Selby. “You should give up now, girl,” he sneered. “You are weak, not fit to wield a lightsaber or access the power of the Force.” Selby grimaced at how deep his words cut into her being, almost as deep as a lightsaber could. She brushed that feeling aside, instead trying to draw upon the Force for guidance. “Who are you? Why are you attacking us?” she asked as she brought her blade up above her head in a high guard stance. He sneered at her defiant posture and questioning. “It hardly matters if you know my name, since you will not be alive to tell anyone. It’s a pity, really.” He chuckled at his own joke. “My name is Bloodaltar, little Jedi, and it is wholly appropriate, since I intend to spill some of yours for myself.” With these last words, he rushed forward, lightsaber flashing in seemingly all directions. Selby steeled herself as she met his attacks with parries of her own. Sithspit, she thought. He’s good and he knows I’m not. This is bad. All she could do was block his attacks from hitting her, since Bloodaltar was not giving her any opportunities for ripostes. Lightsaber combat had never been one of her strong points and the Dark Jedi was quickly finding this out as he pressed the attack. Selby didn’t know what to do except fend him off as best she could. Eventually, he would wear her down and kill her if she didn’t find some way to turn the tide. “You can’t keep this up forever, Jedi,” Bloodaltar taunted her, almost as if he was reading her mind. He swung his blade in a horizontal arc that Selby parried with her own, the force of the impact sending her reeling back. She grunted in pain as her back contacted a large tree. Her eyes opened wide as she saw Bloodaltar’s red lightsaber spinning laterally towards her head. She jumped out of the way, landing on the hard ground next to the tree. She made to get up quickly and bring her weapon to bear when she saw Bloodaltar make a downward motion with his outstretched arm. The next thing she knew, a giant weight had pinned her legs to the ground. Taken by surprise, she dropped her lightsaber, which he quickly snatched out of her reach and into his waiting hand with a Force pull. His own lightsaber reappeared in his other hand as he walked towards her, both blades humming ominously. Selby glanced quickly back to see what was pinning her. It was the heavy trunk of the large tree that had been cloven in two by Bloodaltar’s thrown saber. He had guided its fall right onto her. She returned her gaze to the Dark Jedi, who was now standing over her, lightsabers pointed at her head. Bloodaltar’s eyes flared yellow as he looked down on her, his malicious grin still locked on his face. “Well, I’d say you put up a hell of a fight, but I’d be lying,” he snickered. “Any last words before I make you one with your precious Light Side?” Selby noticed a flicker of movement behind Bloodaltar’s head and allowed herself a grim little smile. “Yes. Underestimation.” A look of confusion crossed his face, then one of angry realization as he spun around, bringing his sabers up to keep Mical’s shining yellow blade from rending him in two. Mical took advantage of catching Bloodaltar off-guard, beating the Dark Jedi’s blades away and slicing off his right hand, which flew away still clutching his crimson lightsaber. Bloodaltar screamed in pain and then in surprise as Mical used the Force to throw him far away. Mical knelt by Selby, a look of concern on his handsome face. His robes showed signs of combat, with singes and burn marks aplenty. But he appeared unhurt. “Are you all right?” he asked. Selby winced as she tried moving out from under the tree. “No, Master. I can’t move my legs.” He nodded. “Well yes, we’ve got to get this tree off of you and get to safety---“ Something flashed behind Mical's back. Selby yelled, “Master, watch out!” Mical stood quickly to bring his lightsaber up to bear against the other Dark Jedi’s red blade. Their sabers locked for a moment, splashing bright light onto their faces. Selby squinted and saw that this enemy was female, with a darker complexion, but with the same fiery eyes and black-lined visage. Her face contorted into an expression of pure rage and Selby gasped at the incredible amount of Force energy that she gave off. Mical obviously felt it too, as he was buffeted by the Dark Jedi’s Force attack. She pushed her blade forward, knocking Mical’s away and exposing his vulnerability. With a blindingly fast flick of her wrist, she slashed her saber across Mical’s undefended chest, causing him to cry out. Selby screamed as he crumpled to the ground. The Dark Jedi woman exhaled audibly, extinguishing her blade. Using her foot, she kicked Mical’s saber straight up and caught it in her hand. She looked up on him as he writhed in obvious pain. “You fought bravely, Jedi,” she remarked to him in a mocking tone. “I knew it would be your concern for your Padawan that would be your undoing.” These words bit into Selby. Tears welling up and stinging her eyes, she reached out to her Master, trying to touch him with the Force. The woman glanced over at Selby. “Do not worry, young one. It will all be over soon.” “Not soon enough,” snarled another voice. Selby recognized this one to be of Bloodaltar, who came limping into view, his right arm clutched to his chest, his face scratched up and bloody. “We should kill them both and get out of here,” he told the woman as he came to stand beside her. “I agree, Bloodaltar. Let us go.” With that, the woman turned to leave. Bloodaltar again looked confused. “What about these two? We cannot just leave them here alive.” The woman glanced back. “They are as good as dead,” she answered. In a more forceful tone, she added, “Now come, Bloodaltar. We must leave before their friends come.” Bloodaltar looked pained and Selby could feel the hatred welling up inside him. He so desperately wanted to finish her off. She noticed that he had no weapon in his only remaining hand. That hand clenched into a fist as he began to trudge after his companion. He turned to Selby as he walked away. “Farewell, foolish Jedi,” he said. His injured face lost none of its malice as he smiled. “Here’s a parting gift for you.” He raised his hand, pointed to the forest canopy and made a gesture. He then turned back and jogged after his fellow Dark Jedi. Selby looked up at where Bloodaltar had gestured. She initially saw nothing but the leaves and branches of the giant trees of the forest, sunlight starting to slowly creep through them as the day broke. Suddenly there was a loud crack and a giant branch broke off one of the trees and came crashing down towards Selby. She tried to reach out and move the branch with the Force, but to no avail. It hurtled toward her at a great speed. Sensing that this was the end, Selby attempted to contact the Force again for comfort, but it was as if it had abandoned her. Sighing, she looked straight up at the branch coming towards her, prepared to die. Just as it was about to hit and crush her, the branch jerked sideways, impacting the tree pinning her to the ground. It just the right heft to push the huge tree trunk off of Selby, thereby freeing her legs. The branch broke in two from the force of the impact, the two pieces falling to either side of her. Selby blinked. She had been ready to give life up, ready to accept her fate, when a miracle seemed to have occurred. For a moment, she was completely bewildered. A groan from her right jerked her right back into reality. She knew from that sound exactly what had happened. Pulling her upper body up, she turned to the direction of Mical’s voice. “Master! I’m coming, Master!” she yelled as she dragged herself over to Mical. He was in bad shape. The lightsaber wound was deep. His breathing was forced and shallow, his normally ruddy complexion getting paler by the minute. Selby pulled herself beside him and lifted his head into her lap. “Master, hang in there,” she pleaded with him, feeling his life force ebbing away. Mical opened his eyes and gazed up at Selby. “Are you all right, my Padawan?” he asked, his voice raspy with obvious pain. “Yes, I’m fine, thanks to you Master.” Tears were rolling freely down her cheeks now. “You saved me again, like you always do. Please, don’t die!” Mical managed a small smile. “Now, Selby. What does the Code teach us about death?” Selby shook her head. “No Master, no! You can’t die. Dammit, you can’t die!” she sobbed, closing her eyes against her tears. They shot open again as she felt a cool hand caress her cheek. “Selby dear, recite it with me,” Mical said, his voice becoming quieter, yet clearer. “There is no emotion…” “…There is peace,” Selby choked out. “There is no ignorance…” “…There is knowledge.” “There is no passion…” “…There is serenity.” Mical took Selby’s chin with his thumb and forefinger and looked into her wet, grey eyes with his own as he recited, “There is no death…” Selby swallowed the lump in her throat as she finished the axiom. “…There is the Force.” Mical’s smile grew wide. “Yes,” he replied. “If there is one thing I am glad to have taught you, it is that. Never forget it, or what it means.” She grew panicky as she felt his life force get weaker and weaker. “I know, Master, I know. But you still have so much more to teach me, so much more! So please don’t die, Master. Please don’t leave me!” He moved his hand to the side of her face. “Oh Selby, dear Selby. My time for teaching you is at an end, I’m afraid. But I will never leave you, as long as you continue to live in the Force. Promise me you will do this.” Selby nodded. “Of course I promise, Master.” “You have made me so proud to call you my Padawan, my student, my friend. Continue to make me proud.” With these last words, Mical the Disciple closed his eyes forever. Selby looked at her master’s serene face as she felt life finally leave his body. For a minute she sat there, cradling his head in her arms. Then the tears came anew, rolling from her eyes as if a dam burst. “Master, why… Master, why… Master, why…” -------- So there you have it. I intend to write more soon, got a few more ideas swirling around in my head. Oh, and if you like it and you're going to comment, please offer something beyond "I like it, looking forward to more." Responses like that are annoyingly non-constructive and not helpful. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Despite a first attempt, it is very good. Spelling and grammar is good, so it doesn't confuse me and the descriptions of the fight are well written. The description of your character, Selby Ballantine is also good, as if I already know her as a Star Wars character. It's sad that Mical had to die, but I suppose it will make a good death in this Fic. Keep it up and I'm looking foward to more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasraLantill Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Wow! Nice work! Very smooth style and I love how you describe the battlescenes! Wish I could write them as well as you do. (And I learned a new 'fencing word today. Riposte. Thanks! ) You've definitely captured my interest in what's obviously an introductory scene for a story about your original character, Selby. See, now I want to know what planet she's on and what she's doing there, why the DJ's are there, too... all sorts of information! And I like the way you've linked her to the KoToR timeperiod by having Mical as her Master, but killing him off early in the story so the focus isn't on a canon character. Clever that. Sounds like you've got the start of a very interesting Star Wars fic here. And sorry to sound cliche here, but... I am looking forward to reading more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted January 8, 2007 Author Share Posted January 8, 2007 Heh, thanks for the support. I actually think my battle descriptions are the weakest point of my writing. Glad you liked them, though. Currently fleshing out ideas for the second chapter, which should shed some light on location and overall plot. :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emalin Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Wow! You sucked me right into your story from the first sentence! I agree with Pottsie; you write Selby so well that I feel like I already know her. She's so..."genuine"! But, even though she's the focus, I can tell that Mical will play a further part in this story (though perhaps not directly) -- and that makes me curious! Oh yes, and I like the Dark Jedi's name: "Bloodaltar." Sends chills down my spine. Just one thing. In the sentence, "She grunted in pain as her back contacted a large tree," I think it'd be better if you said her back "came into contact" with a tree. "Contacted," for me, evoked a mental image of her back talking to the tree. *grin* Anyway, you've got me hooked, Rogue. I'll be looking out for more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Welcome to the CEC and the fic-writing addiction.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin Skywalker Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 fic-writing addiction Addiction? Yeah your right it is an addiction... so Rogue Nine... hopefully we'll see more from you... this was good, and I can't wait to see more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kristy Kistic Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Aside from some minor things I think this is very good. However, you did ask for more than "I like it" so I'll elaborate, but only a little. Also be aware that I'm not really a regular in the CEC so what does my opinion mean anyway? He sneered at her defiant posture and questioning. “It matters not if you know my name or not, since you will not be alive to tell anyone." A few too many nots for me. He sneered at her defiant posture and questioning. "It hardly matters if you know my name, since you will not live to tell anyone." On the whole its not the storylines themselves that will keep me from reading posts here, but the writing style will. I personally find it difficult to find styles that suit my tastes, but...I was fairly impressed with this. Nice work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Welcome to the CEC and the fic-writing addiction.... There I agree with you Momerator and nice new Avatar. Oh and it's nice to see Rogue Nine is here with his Fic addiction, writing a very good Fic. Or at least I hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuu Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Snap, freakin loved it. ( IOU a cookie....sorry this took so long) I like the way you write action. How did you come up with the name Selby? Let me know if you need someone to bounce ideas off of. I love talking concepts. Keep it up hun. <3 Fuu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daft Adidas Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 Ah yes good fic 9/10 you made this book very emotional which is good as i love emotional books and poor Mical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Devon Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 Heh, it's grabbed my interest, and I don't post around here often. I like the realism you included with Mical's death - in a lot of fics the heroes kill other Force-users by the dozens, when in reality two alone would be a risk. Since you're looking for constructive criticism, the only factual error I caught was the usage of the term 'Dark Jedi'. Although you don't mention, were those two Sith? The former refers to a person who uses the dark side but technically isn't a member of the later. (An example is how Vader is a Sith and Jerec and Desann are Dark Jedi) There I agree with you Momerator and nice new Avatar I actually made it in September. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 Well done. I like your style of writing, it captures the attention (Mine, at least) very fast and makes you keep on reading, feeling that it would be wrong to look away. The fight scene was captivating, as i felt i was along side Selby and Mical fighting the same battle. Congrats on a brilliant start to your first Fic. And ... Ahh, can't help it ... Looking forward to more! haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted January 17, 2007 Author Share Posted January 17, 2007 Chapter II “Selby, wake up!” Selby’s eyes flew open as she raised her upper body up from her bed. Her forehead came in contact with something soft and fleshy and she heard a grunt in response. The room was dark, so it was a few moments before her eyes had adjusted enough for her to see anything. She looked around, taking stock of where she was, when a muffled female voice spoke from her right. “Geeze Sel, that’s the last time I’m waking you up.” Selby turned in the direction of the voice and saw a young red-skinned Twi’lek woman sprawled on the floor next to her bed, rubbing her nose and mouth. It was then Selby realized exactly what she had done. Throwing her sheets off, she got out of bed and knelt next to her roommate, Jedi Padawan Kytellisandra Vanas. “Oh, are you all right, Kyte?” Selby asked worriedly. “I’m sorry; I totally didn’t mean to move that quickly.” Kyte wiggled her nose and felt her lips with her fingers. “I think I’m okay, you didn’t hit me that hard.” Pulling herself up into a sitting position, she looked at Selby pointedly. “The question is, are you okay?” Selby looked confused. “What do you mean ‘am I okay’?” she asked, rubbing her forehead. “I don’t feel any bumps or bruises…” “No no, silly,” Kyte replied, shaking her head. Taking Selby’s hand and placing it on her roommate’s cheek, she said, “This is what I’m talking about.” Selby’s felt her cheek. It was wet. She blinked. Her eyes were wet too. “Oh,” she said, realizing what Kyte was talking about. “I was having the dream again, wasn’t I?” Kyte nodded. “That’s what it sounded like,” she said, a note of concern in her voice. Selby wiped her eyes with her hands. “It just won’t go away, Ky,” she said, her voice wavering. “I just see him there and I can’t do anything…” She crumpled against the Twi’lek’s chest, sobbing. Kyte wrapped her arms around her roommate and held her close. “Now Sel, you know what happens when you cry,” she chided Selby lightly. “You get me to cry too with those crazy pheromones of yours.” True enough, Kyte began to tear up herself. Selby was half-human and half-Zeltron. It was her Zeltron father’s genes that gave her the pheromones and the ability to project emotions onto others. However, it was her human mother’s genes that diluted the effects of those facilities as well as making them a little more difficult for Selby to control properly. Thus, whenever an emotion, more often than not sadness, would overwhelm her, her nascent Zeltron abilities would kick in and affect those around her. Selby looked up bleary-eyed at Kyte. “I’m so sorry, Ky,” she sobbed. “I don’t mean to burden you with this--“ The rest of Selby’s apology was drowned out as Kyte clutched the younger girl’s head to her chest. “Hush you,” Kyte soothed, stroking her friend’s tousled red hair. As the tears continued to streak down her face, she reflected on how Selby had become the way she was. It wasn’t always like this, Kyte thought. Six months ago, she was the one counseling me. Selby’s Zeltron heritage made her a natural empath, easily able to sense the emotions of others and support them accordingly. She was an excellent person to talk to if you were troubled and Kyte would often unload her emotional baggage onto Selby, knowing the cheery half-Zeltron would always have a way to make her feel better. But that all changed six months ago, on that fateful day when Mical, her master, was killed on the way to Ruusan with her for the construction of her first lightsaber. They had engine trouble and were forced to land on the planet Drogheda in an uninhabited woodland area. It was there they encountered two Dark Jedi, who took them by surprise as they were sleeping. Mical fought them off valiantly, but was eventually overwhelmed. Selby was about to die too, when Mical performed one last miracle and saved her. He then died in her arms. It was this sequence of events that Selby dreamt about almost every night since it had happened. Selby’s sobs grew quieter. Kyte smiled slightly. It had taken a while, but Selby had eventually developed some modicum of control over her reaction to the dream. Just after the tragedy, she had very little control over it and would constantly cry over it, almost to the point where she become non-functional and the Order seriously considered letting her go. Kyte had stepped in and personally taken care of Selby’s counseling and made great progress. Instead of letting herself drown in her grief, Selby learned to call upon the Force for comfort. Her control over it had never been the strongest, but she harnessed enough of it to help her focus her mind and body. Unfortunately, Kyte and her master, Mira, were soon called away on a long-term assignment that kept them away from the Jedi Temple for about three months. In the ensuing time, Selby had busied herself with helping out around the Temple, mostly in the Medical Corps and the Temple Garage. She had thought that her nightmares were under control, but they began to resurface a little after Kyte left, though she was able to cope with them a little better than before. Feeling Selby reach a calm point in the Force, Kyte lifted her friend’s head and locked eyes with her. “Hey Sel, just because I’ve been back for a few days now is no reason to turn on the waterworks again,” she chided Selby lightly, hoping to put a smile on the girl’s face. It worked. Selby smiled crookedly and Kyte could feel a calmness wash over her, replacing the palpable pain that had been emanating fiercely from her. “I know, Ky. I’m sorry again. My emotions just get the best of me sometimes.” The Twi’lek waggled a finger at her. “You know there isn’t supposed to be emotion, right?” she told her roommate, half facetiously. Selby sighed. “Yeah, I know. There’s peace.” She straightened up into a sitting position. “I’m still working on that one.” “Good,” Kyte replied as she stood up, a few of her joints creaking in protest. “Oooh…” “What did you do?” Selby asked, looking up at Kyte with an incredulous face. Kyte stretched, trying to rid herself of the soreness she felt throughout her body. “Oh, occupational hazards. Top secret, very hush hush.” She looked at Selby apologetically. “My master’s been very busy since we’ve gotten back. We haven’t even had time for a proper debriefing yet.” “That’s odd,” Selby observed, standing up smoothly and hitting the light switch on the wall as she made her way to her bed. “Yeah, I suppose,” Kyte agreed. “The Council’s got a lot on its plate these days.” Selby stopped in the middle of making her bed, blanket in hand. “The Council…” she breathed. Kyte heard her friend’s voice falter. “Oh, that’s right, today’s the day, isn’t it?” Selby nodded. “Yeah, today’s the day,” she echoed as she finished folding her sheets. Today was the day she was to stand before the Jedi Council and tell them of her decision. After having had half a year to collect herself, Selby was told by the Council that she must decide what she wants to do with her life. Her options were few. She could find a new master, opt out of the Jedi Order and become a civilian again, or she could eschew her traditional Jedi training and aid in lesser capacities, as she was doing presently in the Medical Division. Each of these alternatives held different drawbacks. She’d found trouble finding a master that was willing to take her, since she was already so old. The few that did show interest could not take her, as they already had Padawan learners. It also did not help that her control of the Force left something to be desired. Leaving the Jedi Order did not seem like a smart move, either. She had grown up at the Jedi Temple and she knew very little of how to go about surviving as a commoner. The last option, which seemed very much like a demotion, was actually the only one that seemed halfway palatable to her. She was apt at using her Zeltron abilities to provide comfort to the injured. She was also a very good pilot and mechanic, and she enjoyed working around the Temple Garage. The hitch to this path was that it was considered relegation, a downgrade to a washout’s job. Selby was not a conceited person, but she did have a small sense of pride. She sighed. The Council told her to decide a week ago. Today she had to stand before them and let them know which path she had chosen. As if she could sense Selby debating with herself, Kyte asked softly, “So, have you decided what to do?” “No, not really,” Selby replied as she moved to her closet, opening it and pulling out a flightsuit. She had some duties at the hangar in the morning before her time with the Council. “Well, you don’t really have a lot of time left,” Kyte stated, still keeping her voice soft, not wanting to push the issue too hard. “I know that, Ky,” she replied, stepping out of her sleepwear and into the legs of the flightsuit. “It just basically boils down to two options for me, since I’ve not been able to find a master that would be willing to take me. I can either opt out of the Order completely and make my way in the world, or I can choose to stay here and work in the Auxiliary.” She zipped up the flightsuit to her navel, then wrapped the arms around her waist. Kyte crossed her arms. “And out of those two options, which one sounds more palatable to you?” “Well, staying around here wouldn’t be too bad,” Selby replied as she pulled on a tank top. Putting her foot up on a stool to lace up her boot, she said, “On the other hand, going out on my own would probably give me more opportunities in life.” She sighed again, looking up at her Twi’lek friend. “So in other words, I really have no idea.” “That’s not the answer I wanted to hear,” Kyte said. She opened her mouth to say more, but her sentence was cut off by the chirping of her comlink. Pulling it off her belt, she looked at Selby apologetically and raised it to her lips. “This is Kyte, go ahead.” “Kyte, report to the council chambers for debriefing.” Selby recognized the voice as belonging to Jedi Knight Mira, Kyte’s Master. “Right away, Master,” Kyte responded. Hooking her comlink back onto her belt, she looked at Selby. “Guess my date with them has been moved up. About time too.” She strode towards her roommate and enfolded her in a hug. “May the Force guide you in your decision.” Selby hugged Kyte back. “Thanks, Ky. For everything.” The Twi’lek smiled encouragingly as she pulled away and made her way to the door. “Let me know how it goes,” she said with a wave and exited. Selby stood there in silence for a few moments, lost in her thoughts. If she chose the path out of the Jedi Order, leaving Kyte behind would be hard, and she knew that. However, if she chose to be reassigned to a lesser division, they would probably remove her from the general Jedi quarters, away from Kyte and all the other Jedi. Either way, there was a strong possibility she would lose the cheerful Twi’lek permanently “This is such a rotten thing,” she muttered under her breath. “Master, why’d you have to leave me…?” she asked the air. It, of course, did not respond to her. Sighing, Selby took a hair tie and pulled her red tresses up into a ponytail. Taking her work gloves out of her pocket, she fitted them over her hands, hit the light switch and proceeded out the door. -------- Sorry for taking my time with this one, but I'm no good at writing dialogue and this chapter is chock full of it. >.< I'd originally planned to write a lot more for this one too, but I decided it was lengthy enough already to be its own chapter. Not very much action I'm afraid, but a bit more exposition. Hope you enjoy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted January 18, 2007 Author Share Posted January 18, 2007 Warg, I suppose I should have answered the questions before posting the next chapter. Oh well. xD How did you come up with the name Selby? I actually stole her name from a short story I read once. It's also the name I used for my female Exile when I played TSL. :3 Since you're looking for constructive criticism, the only factual error I caught was the usage of the term 'Dark Jedi'. Although you don't mention, were those two Sith? The former refers to a person who uses the dark side but technically isn't a member of the later. (An example is how Vader is a Sith and Jerec and Desann are Dark Jedi) No, as I told you before, they're supposed to be Dark Jedi, not affiliated with the Sith. Besides, Sith structure is kinda muddled, at least for me, after the events of TSL. Them as Dark Jedi fit better into my story ideas anyway. :> Just to clear some things up: This fic is post-TSL, approximately 10 years after the Exile's departure for the Outer Rim Chapter I takes place on an unknown planet (later identified) about six months prior to Chapter II. Chapter II takes place at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Devon Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 No, as I told you before, they're supposed to be Dark Jedi, not affiliated with the Sith. I posted that question before you answered me at the chatbox. Besides, Sith structure is kinda muddled, at least for me, after the events of TSL. How so? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth SINner Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I love this story. It was a pleasant read. I can't wait for chapter 3. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I can't wait either. I liked the cameo of Mira and I liked Selby confronting her problems with her friend. I liked this Chapter and I'm looking foward to more and thanks for clearing this Fic's timeline up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KotO[REvan] Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 This was an awesome fiction so far, very interesting to read. It's going to be interesting to see what Selby chooses for her role in life. Nice job Rogue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingerhs Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 dude!! a fic from Niner!! good style with a nice attention to detail. my only complaint is that the first part was perhaps a bit predictable. otherwise, good stuff. lets keep this one moving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daft Adidas Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 cool fic looking forward to it nice and long, i like long because when things finish you have to wait for more. 10/10 good fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasraLantill Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Great stuff so far! I really like your writing style--very, very smooth and easy to read. And, not good at writing dialogue?? Ha! You sure fooled me into thinking that you are. And thank you for having an expository chapter. Answers a lot of questions, but still you leave the reader wondering what Selby will decided to do next. Speaking of which, there was one tiny thing I picked up that you probably just overlooked in editing. (I'm nitpicking I'm sure, but this just sort of jumped out at me for some reason.) As if she could sense Selby debating with herself, Kyte asked softly, “So, what have you decided to do?” “No, not really,” Selby replied... Since Selby answers Kyte with a rather simple negative, I'm guessing that Kyte's question was originally (or should be), "Have you decided what to do?" not "What have you decided...." Again, not a big thing. Didn't take away from the story, but that bit was just sort of awkward to me. It's a good story so far. Keep it up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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