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XWA One Year Thread Part VII: Shadows of the Forum


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I took a long walk yesterday. About 2 hours worth.

 

The park I walked in has some very steep inclines along the path, bringing you up about 4 stories of elevation in about 20 yards travel. It's a great way to get the heart rate up and to work the leg muscles. Did that a couple of times. If I could do that a couple times a week I'd be in far better shape than I am now. Better than a stair step machine.

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went on eliptical last 2 days losing weight. gained 20 pounds at camp shelby cause their food selection was **** (burgers every single day!!!) and no time for pt, and when there was time the gym was always packed...happy i dont gotta worry about passing another pt test since i took one for the fiscal year. just gotta lose the fat.

 

back into playing star wars the old republic. im on the harbinger server. also playing diablo 3 occasionally...that game is different, point and click is that all lol...nice graphics though for overhead.

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Just got notice: My ex-girlfriend got married in Mexico a couple of days ago.

 

Well... that was fast. :rolleyes:

 

I haven't even had a date since she left.

I guess it's time to get started on that. :dozey:

 

I suppose that torch is totally extinguished now. Forever. Feels so... final. And ****ty.

 

:(

 

I'm not happy. But, in many ways, I am relieved. It absolves me from having to care what happens to any of her stuff at this point. Goodwill, here I come! :D

 

Unfortunately, it also does put into question EVERYTHING that ever happened and and was ever said between us in my mind. Makes me wonder how much of the last 2+ years was the truth or not. I'll probably never know that.

 

It also makes me wonder if I'll ever truly trust anyone again... especially romantically. I'm not putting myself through this again... even if it means dying alone... or forcing myself to go against my nature and being the cold-hearted jerk in all my future relationships... if there ever are any.

 

Well... I for one, will be happy to see 2012 fading over the horizon in the rear view mirror.

 

I hope 2013 will be better. Or, barring that, that the Mayan apocalypse doesn't leave me standing to see it if it isn't.

 

:dozey:

Edited by edlib
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I have no idea what's going on. Really. But that's the latest I heard. From her mom's Facebook status updates.

 

Seeing that as far as I knew, we were still officially a couple until early October... and that she only got down there in late August, that could only a 3 or 4 month courtship/ engagement at best. Unless it was actually going on before that.

 

It makes me question everything she ever told me. About her health. Her exes. Everything.

 

It's sad that I'm now filtering all that happened between us this way now. That's the part that feels crummiest.

 

Maybe she married the first guy that looked at her as a way to stay in the country. Or to have someone to take care of the kids... if she is really as sick as she led me to believe.

 

Or maybe this was all part of a pre-existing plan I unwittingly was a big part of and unknowingly took part in.

 

I just don't know what to think anymore. But I'm trying very hard not to actually care all that much either.

Edited by edlib
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Well... I'm trying...

 

Only time will tell if I'm successful. :dozey:

 

If there's one experience in a person's life that can form a thick callus and layer of scar tissue over a person's empathy and concern centers and cause an system-wide overload of apathy... I think I might have just gone through it.

 

:dozey:

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Of course... Looking at my love life as a whole in the time I've been walking this planet, the entire thing kinda looks like that.

 

There are days I think "Somebody up there really has it in for me!"

 

It's a trend I'm hoping doesn't continue... But I'm not betting the farm on it.

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Well, you never know. There might be some good reason for it. Like...some practical reason for getting married because of her imminent death. And she doesn't want you knowing about it or being involved to spare your feelings. So that would be the best-case scenario, I guess. What's the worst case? That she was lying to you the whole time about everything? That would really suck, but at least it would mean you haven't lost anything worth having. Though the toughest part always seems to be not knowing which one it is, or what combination.

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As I have dated a psycho and thought she was "The one" only to find out she made up a reason not to like me and put my heart in a blender. Get over it, and find someone better. In fact, find a girl and screw her like the world is going to end, just like how other ladies screw you

 

Eventually you realize that you don't NEED anyone else, and then you will find that someone that makes a satisfying life so much better because they are around

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i hate that stupid desire to be loved. it ain't ever going to happen, cause #1 i am picky and have standards, and #2 the girls i like only see me as a friend or want nothing to do with me or #3 the girls i like have boyfriends or are interested in somebody else, or #4 they have kids. i'm looking for a girl that likes playing video games, likes running hiking and camping, has a job, isn't a flirt with everybody, and does not have "baby fever", girly girls are alright too if they can do the above as well...and someone that isn't obsessed with home ownership...i could own my own house given time for sure i just don't want to be pushed into making any insane financial decisions.

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The sad part for me came a couple of months ago... this was just the final insult. The last nail in the coffin.

 

This was the serious "WTF?!??" moment of the whole breakup for me. I was trying to stay positive and not get angry at her or the situation before this happened.

 

Now I'm steaming mad, despite all my best efforts to control it. I just can't help but think the worst about her.

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I still don't drink... but I might try to find something else to take my mind off things.

 

Lots of promiscuous sex, for instance. :dozey:

 

Well... If only I was that guy, that is... someone who could actually pull that off.

 

Instead, I guess I have to put my energy into exercise, music, art, reading... bettering myself in some way.

 

Maybe...

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Although... if there was ever a night to take up drinking, it was last night. :rolleyes:

 

I was in such a foul mood when I got home. First: Work sucked. A huge disorganized cluster****tastrophy.

 

Then: Knowing I was already a bit heart-sore, the universe in all it's wisdom decided to keep finding new ways of rubbing salt into the wound.

 

Normally, I can travel the subways back and forth to work 200+ times between seeing happy couples making out in public on the train. Last night, I literally couldn't turn my head without seeing people playing kissyface around me.

 

Just walking the block to the station I saw 3 couples swapping spit. Then the seat directly next to me on the first train I took had a couple sucking face.

 

Then, after not seeing her for almost 3 years, I realized I was walking behind the Japanese actress and her boyfriend when I transferred trains. That was a shock. I don't think she saw me, fortunately... and I moved to the far, far end of the platform to keep from having to interact with them. That was not something I could have handled dealing with good graces at this point in time.

 

Then in the second train, I had Gropey McGhee and his girlfriend sitting directly next to me on the left, and a pair of tongue wrestlers directly on my right. And another smoochy couple getting cozy across from me. I couldn't escape it.

 

I wanted to scream at the sky: "Really?!?? You are doing this to me right now?!??"

 

If I was a more superstitious person it really would have made me think that I'm living under a curse.

Edited by edlib
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