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The True Ending to THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK


Rad Blackrose

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I just read this off another forum somewhere out in the internet. I had to post it, it was so damn funny.

 

 

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THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

 

(A furious lightsaber duel is under way. DARTH VADER is backing off LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks down, and realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.)

VADER

Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.

LUKE

He told me enough. He told me you killed him!

VADER

No! I am your father!

LUKE

That's not true! Thats impossible!

VADER

Search your feelings; you know it to be true!

LUKE

NO!

VADER

Yes it is true, and you know something else? You know that brass droid of yours?

LUKE

Threepio?

VADER

Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was 7 years old.

LUKE

No!

VADER

Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp.

LUKE

I destroyed your precious Death Star!

VADER

When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship! Oh, and I used your precious R2 unit to help me.

LUKE

Not R2 as well?! Well it's not my fault.

VADER

Oh, here we go... "Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's a Dark Lord of the Sith...waaah, waah."

LUKE

Shut up!

VADER

You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi Knights!

LUKE

I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!

VADER

Oh, for the love of the Emperor! 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human ever to fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!

(Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.)

VADER

I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are but you sure ain't mine.

(Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him.)

VADER

And get a haircut!

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Originally posted by Rad Blackrose

VADER

Yes it is true, and you know something else? You know that brass droid of yours?

 

At that moment I began laughing hysterically... the rest of it was just chuckling becuase I was out of energy... it was hilarious even if I did see the rest of it coming!

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