spoon_man Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 I just found this on another board. It's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time: As an enlightened, modern parent, I try to be as involved as possible in the lives of my six children. I encourage them to join team sports. I attend their teen parties with them to ensure no drinking or alcohol is on the premises. I keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the shows they watch, the company they keep and the books they read. You could say I'm a model parent. My children have never failed to make me proud, and I can say without the slightest embellishment that I have the finest family in the USA. Two years ago, my wife Carol and I decided that our children's education would not be complete without some grounding in modern computers. To this end, we bought our children a brand new Compaq to learn with. The kids had a lot of fun using the handful of application programs we'd bought, such as Adobe's Photoshop and Microsoft's Word, and my wife and I were pleased that our gift was received so well. Our son Peter was most entranced by the device, and became quite a pro at surfing the net. When Peter began to spend whole days on the machine, I became concerned, but Carol advised me to calm down, and that it was only a passing phase. I was content to bow to her experience as a mother, until our youngest daughter, Cindy, charged into the living room one night to blurt out that "Peter is a computer hacker!" As you can imagine, I was amazed. A computer hacker in my own house! I began to monitor my son's habits, to make certain that Cindy wasn't just telling stories, as she is prone to doing at times. After a few days of investigation, and some research into computer hacking, I confronted Peter with the evidence. I'm afraid to say, this was the only time I have ever been truly disappointed in one of my children. We raised them to be honest and to have integrity, and Peter betrayed the principles we tried to encourage in him, when he refused point blank to admit to his activities. His denials continued for hours, and in the end, I was left with no choice but to ban him from using the computer until he is old enough to be responsible for his actions. After going through this ordeal with my own family, I was left pondering how I could best help others in similar situations. I'd gained a lot of knowledge over those few days regarding hackers. It's only right that I provide that information to other parents, in the hope that they will be able to tell if their children are being drawn into the world of hacking. Perhaps other parents will be able to steer their sons back onto the straight and narrow before extreme measures need to be employed. To this end, I have decided to publish the top ten signs that your son is a hacker. I advise any parents to read this list carefully and if their son matches the profile, they should take action. A smart parent will first try to reason with their son, before resorting to groundings, or even spanking. I pride myself that I have never had to spank a child, and I hope this guide will help other parents to put a halt to their son's misbehaviour before a spanking becomes necessary. 1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs? Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable, educational and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider. I would advise all parents to refuse this request. One of the reasons your son is interested in switching providers is to get away from AOL's child safety filter. This filter is vital to any parent who wants their son to enjoy the internet without the endangering him through exposure to "adult" content. It is best to stick with the protection AOL provides, rather than using a home-based solution. If your son is becoming a hacker, he will be able to circumvent any home-based measures with surprising ease, using information gleaned from various hacker sites. 2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember installing? Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash". The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and force him to remove the offending programs. He will probably try to install the software again, but you will be able to tell that this is happening, if your machine offers to "download" one of the hacker applications. If this happens, it is time to give your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding. 3. Has your child asked for new hardware? Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer. If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well. 4. Does your child read hacking manuals? If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do, you will be able to determine a great deal about his opinions and hobbies. Children are at their most impressionable in the teenage years. Any father who has had a seventeen year old daughter attempt to sneak out on a date wearing make up and perfume is well aware of the effect that improper influences can have on inexperienced minds. There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in bookshops today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond. If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession, confiscate them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to remove these titles from their shelves. You may meet with some resistance at first, but even booksellers have to bow to community pressure. 5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day? If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes each day. 6. Does your son use Quake? Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school. If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school. 7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour? As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature. Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to talk about this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is no problem, and that you are imagining things. He may tell you that it is you who has the problem, and you should "back off" and "stop smothering him." Do not allow yourself to be deceived. You are the only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how much he retreats into himself. 8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"? BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone. Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional. If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface. 9. Has your son radically changed his appearance? If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences. 10. Is your son struggling academically? If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku" hacker association. Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically. I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your child's future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and dangerous activity, that may land your child in prison, and tear your family apart. It cannot be taken too seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mercatfat Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 The site that was copied from is a joke like the Onion or the official ninja homepage. Read their mission statement. Good stuff, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scabb Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 Sounds like my parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GendoTheGreat Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 "And whilst you've been focusing all your energies on maintaining a facist stranglehold on your son, your daughter has been occupying herself by launching Pakistan's nuclear warheads at the eastern seaboard." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alien426 Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 This is the funniest text I've read in a long time... "Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers" - beware the lawnmower man! "Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language" - sounds like me "Lunix ...invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos" "AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellbeard Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 Only 30 mins on the computer each day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeysee Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 Dude, send this to The Screen Savers at Tech TV! They'll get a huge kick out of it and might put it on the show! This is SO funny! "but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash". ":rolleyes: "There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in bookshops today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond.":confused: "DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines" "Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases." This is SO dumb. Dumb as in funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GendoTheGreat Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 It wasn't until I read the part about Bonzi buddy and Flash that I realised it was joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huz Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 Even better than the actual story were the comments posted on the original site by indignant people taking the story seriously. (We can only assume they were Americans.) Unfortunately, they've now restricted comment viewing to members only, but signing up is probably still worth your while if you're a bit bored! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kjølen Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 LOL, i always loved that joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elTee Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 Lol, I realised at the Bonzi Buddy / Flash part too. It was quite funny, though I wouldn't have started it had I realised how long it was - I only came on to check my e-mail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ckcsaber Posted August 27, 2002 Share Posted August 27, 2002 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sultan12 Posted August 28, 2002 Share Posted August 28, 2002 all the links in the original message are funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ender Posted August 29, 2002 Share Posted August 29, 2002 Well, if I wasn't such a kind understanding person, I would find your house and hurt you badly for spamming something that most people have seen before (and you seem to live in Perth too, so I can actually follow through with this one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tall Guy Posted August 29, 2002 Share Posted August 29, 2002 heh, I've seen this before. Good stuff ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ptdc Posted September 3, 2002 Share Posted September 3, 2002 As a concerned parent I will be enforcing these policies in my house immediately Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted September 3, 2002 Share Posted September 3, 2002 Lunix. heh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riffage Posted September 3, 2002 Share Posted September 3, 2002 must send this to the admins at school, they think everyone is just itching to hack the servers, you should see the message we see when we logon, its about 3 pages long of rules... No downloading, no illegal activity, no "hacking, no changing user permissions, no irrelvant web-viewing, no mass mailing, no using other peoples passwords and the list goes on to finish with...If you break these WBS IT Rules you will have a discaplinary and will be suspended from school, also UK Laws will come into effect something like that anyway, ill get the full rules list of the 3 catergories, "non-severe" "severe" "extreme severe", uor school loves to be in "control" with us on the computers, so much so that they cant even get win vnc to run without letting me change the password, fun! This is the same school that thinks that php files are "hacking tools" and im surprixed when i designed a site for the school bopat club only to find that the system admin doesnt know how to setup php and mysql when he says the servers have them "installed", yeah yeah right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellbeard Posted September 4, 2002 Share Posted September 4, 2002 Where I used to go to school, they have people who moniter internet use through a school district network! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ender Posted September 4, 2002 Share Posted September 4, 2002 Originally posted by Hellbeard Where I used to go to school, they have people who moniter internet use through a school district network! Heh, so did my school.... but I just happened to be the person who WROTE the software they used... That was a great way to make some money on the side, to give other guys the backdoor password :> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riffage Posted September 4, 2002 Share Posted September 4, 2002 Importance of Passwords Pupils, your account password needs to be protected. It should NOT (EVER!) be written in the front of your diary or told to anyone. The password that you choose for your individual account can be changed, and should be changed if there is ANY possibility that another pupil may have seen it. If someone gains access to your account not only could they change, delete, copy or add to your folder, you continue to be responsible for what goes on in your area. For example: any abuse of the acceptable user policy (AUP). Acceptable User Policy (AUP) Violation Processes Aup violations fall into one of three categories: Non-Severe, Severe, or Extreme. Non-Severe Violations are those offences that have minimal negative effects on others. Non-severe violations include but are not limited to the following: -Using technology for off-task activities during class -Having shortcuts or benign executables (programs that pose no threat to network or data security) in home directory -Broadcasting non-offensive messages -Playing recreational games 1st Offence: -Computer privileges suspended for a minimum of five school days -Letter of notification to parents. Parents must sign the letter that the student returns to the multimedia lab to reinstate privileges. 2nd Offence: -Computer privileges suspended for a minimum of ten school days -Letter of notification to parents -Parent conference with Head of Department to reinstate privileges. 3rd Offence: -Becomes a Severe Violation. Severe Violations are those that exhibit a reckless indifference to the rights of others. Once a student loses computer privileges due to a severe violation, any subsequent violation is considered severe, regardless of the offence. Severe violations include but are not limited to the following: -Attempting to gain unauthorised access to a WBS computer -Sending e-mail or other message(s) to large numbers of people or a large volume of message(s) to one or more individuals for the purpose of causing annoyance or disruption -Accessing or producing material that is offensive in nature: profane, obscene, lewd, sexually suggestive, ghastly, discriminatory, inflammatory, rude, threatening, or disrespectful -Accessing or producing material that advocates acts that are illegal, violent or discriminatory -Violating copyright laws -Vandalising hardware: damage less than £25 -Using another's account or allowing another individual use of one's account -Negatively impacting the network and thereby violating the rights of other users -Intent to change/change his or someone else's user permissions 1st Offence: -Computer privileges suspended for a minimum of twenty school days -Parent notification -Parent conference with a Senior Manager to reinstate privileges 2nd Offence: -Computer privileges suspended for a minimum of 90 school days; may also result in suspension from school. -Parent notification Extreme Violations are malicious acts that include but are not limited to the following: -Attempting to gain unauthorised access to a WBS network -Attempting to gain unauthorised access to any computer or network from a WBS computer -Possessing hacking tools -Vandalism of either hardware (atoms) or stored data (bits): damage greater than £25 Any extreme violation will result in termination of computer privileges for a minimum of 90 school days and may result in suspension from school. ANY AUP VIOLATION MAY RESULT IN ADDITIONAL DISCIPLINARY ACTION IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE WBS CODE OF STUDENT CONDUCT AND UK LAW FUN! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meksilon Posted September 4, 2002 Share Posted September 4, 2002 Originally posted by Ender Well, if I wasn't such a kind understanding person, I would find your house and hurt you badly for spamming something that most people have seen before (and you seem to live in Perth too, so I can actually follow through with this one! No you can't because you're such a kind understanding person.... remember? =mek= Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ender Posted September 4, 2002 Share Posted September 4, 2002 Originally posted by Meksilon No you can't because you're such a kind understanding person.... remember? I put it down to being driven to the brink of insanity by dealing with LEC Legal.. Although I guess being insane beforehand kind of ruins that defence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meksilon Posted September 4, 2002 Share Posted September 4, 2002 Originally posted by Ender I put it down to being driven to the brink of insanity by dealing with LEC Legal.. Although I guess being insane beforehand kind of ruins that defence Did LEC attack ScummVM? =mek= Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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