Artoo Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 OK, as most of you may know, I have a pretty steady girlfriend, and we've been going out since late September, early October, and we love each other, alot. Well, I've thought I'd run into a brick wall, but it turned out to be an easy hurdle before now, but it seems I have found the great wall of China of problems. Her parents don't like me. It's not just this, but they're using the excuse of, "Well, we don't really know them well." To keep us from seeing each other outside of school. And they aren't making any motions to get to know us any better. To quote her parents, "Guys are scum." and "It's not that we don't trust you, it's that we don't trust others more." I don't know what to do. I'm a nice guy, and I've never given them the impression that I wasn't always being myself so as not to appear like I was just trying to be nice and then use her, I don't want to do that. I don't want to hurt her at all. But her parents just attribute this with, "Guys will say anything." And I'm totally depressed. I'm one of the safest people at my school she could enter into a steady relationship with, but ehr parents won't see this. They think they're trying to do what's in her best interest, but in doing so they've become paranoid and are hurting her more than I want to see anyone hurt. They've gone so far as to make up excuses as to why she could not see me. My parents have been calling asking when they were going to get to see her again, and her parents haven't been saying, "We don't feel right about our daughter seeing your son right now." which is the truth. They've been saying, "Oh, well... (her mother) isn't feeling really well right now, so (even though this has nothing to do with anything) we're just going to stay at home. Bye." I'm just so hurt by this, her father even said he was going to put her back in homeschooling, and it's causing us so much pain. And they don't even try to get to know me, they just want to throw me off of the face of the earth and get on with life. What should I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Homer Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 Unfortuneatly, there's not much you can do...it sounds to me like her parents are way more protective than they should be and it will be up to her to tell them to back off and that you really are a great guy. Also, try to come up with classy things to do...I see your parents are sympathetic to you so they may help...do something like get tickets to the symphony or something, the museum is always good...invite her parents to come with, so they get a chance to see how you really are (I don't mean that you should pay for them, though)...I'm not sure if any of this will work, because these parents seem like the extreme in overprotectedness (is that a word?), but at some point they've got to let their daughter make choices for herself and decide what SHE wants, not what they want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratmjedi Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 Sorry to hear about that man. I have a g/f in Wisconsin and me and her kinda ran into a simalair situation. They thought thought that I was 33 when I am really 17. They also banned me from calling her and even talking to her online. I even was going to talk to her stepdad when he got on the phone and cussed at me and asked how I planned to make a 3,000 mile relationship work. It seriously was scary and the worst time of my life. Luckily I concinved them by sending them Identifacation and stuff like that. They were still hesitent to let us see each other and talk to one another. Luckily I was able to email her mom and tell her everything that happened and also the stuff that was going on between me and her daughter. I wrote them a email about myself so that they got to know me better and hopefully accept us and our relationship. Talk to her parent's man. You need to talk to them and tell them about your self. Don't try to wow them cause they are just going to think that you are trying to impress them at any cost. Let them get to know you. Tell them that they don't know anything about you and that they need to get to know you before they decide to judge. Also be persistent because that is just going to show them that she does mean something to you. If you guys show them that you guys are willing to do this all for each other it is going to hit their heads and there going to think about what they have done. Let them know what you feel for each other. There going to notice that their daughter is just sad now and that maybe it wasn't that good of an idea to keep you guys from seeing each other. It's going to take time man but it will eventually start to brighten up and you'll see the change. But your going to have to not give up. This is a phase that you guys are going to have to go through to see if you guys can last. I know it feels like $hit but it'll be over sooner if you start to make those sacrafices for each other. I know things seem bad man but just think about the happy times that you guys have had. It will get you feeling a little better and help you through this. God Speed man and good luck. *Hugs Artoo* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherack Nhar Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 Next time I catch you on MSN we'll talk about that, hopefully I can help you somehow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zygomaticus Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 Artoo, as i said before...Time is your friend, and your ally...use his/her services well. Either way, RatmJedi has hit the spot! Be persistent. Never give up (as i know you won't), and don't let them see you give up and don't let them think you gave up. That would only give them the impression that you've "moved on" and that they can be sure you won't "bother" them anymore. Be persistent. Also another thing that occured to me, is maybe their own childhood experiences have made them the way they are, and that's why they are so overprotective. Make them know that if there's one guy for their daughter, it's you - you'll figure out a way to do it soon enough - because time and plans are your friends - and so are we And just remember this - if you don't like the way the world works - change it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 This is the time that you really wish that they can see you anguishing over this, make them see what jerks they've been to you, what a great guy you are. But hell, that's not going to happen anytime soon short of an act of God, but hey. Has she been in any other relationships before? Because the only reason I can think of why they'd be acting in such an irrational manner would be because she was really hurt in a previous relationship and they want to protect her from being hurt any further. And has she spoken to her parents about this? Told them that they're far too overprotective and not letting her live her life and love who she wants to love? You two need to stand together and be strong. First of all, do not let this shake the foundation of your love and caring for one another. I hope, if anything, this makes the bond between you and her stronger still. You need to support her in whatever way you can. The time you spend with her shouldn't be spent anguishing over her parents being overprotective. It should be spent happily, doing things you like to do. Stay strong, unshakable and unmovable in your love for one another. Second of all, like RatmJedi said, you need to be persistent. Do not go away and die, because that is what they want you to do. If you truly do love this girl, then you will persevere and make something happen. Do something that will earn the respect of her parents. Her parents do not have to necessarily like you, they just have to understand that you are a good, noble person and that you deserve every ounce of their respect and trust. March yourself over to their house and sit down with them and make them listen to you and what you have to say. Tell them of your intentions, aspirations, everything to do with their daughter. Should they question you, answer truthfully. Tell them you love their daughter with all your heart and soul and that you would rather die than hurt her. MAKE THEM SEE. MAKE THEM KNOW. WHO. YOU. ARE. Thirdly, enlist other people's help to vouch for you. If they won't hear it from their daughter, maybe they'll hear it from other people who know you just as well and can vouch for your integrity, your character. It's good that you've got your parents on your side. Thank them, let them know how much it means to you that they're sticking up for you. Go out and find others that will let these stubborn people know who you are. Fourthly, let me know where they live so I can come down and lay some sense into their heads. All joking aside, just keep loving that girl and persevering. Love is something that should not be stopped simply because someone says so. That's one of the biggest tragedies in this cruel world. Stay strong. I'll be rooting for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlashAndBurn Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 I take it from your post that they have never been too keen on you and its just recently that they've steped up the efforts to keep you two apart. This seems like an extream case of her parents beign overprotective. Unfortunately parents are some of the toughest people to get to change their minds when it comes to raising their kids. I agree with what the others have said...try to prove to them that you are a good guy. I know its frustrating to have to prove something that is readilly aparent but hopefully that will work. Most of all never give up. If you care about her this much then she's worth fighting for. Here are some pointers that may help you out... Never tell her parents that they are raising her badly by being overprotective. No parent appreciates beign told that and comming from someone younger just makes that person appear to be a rude brat. Dont do anythign to extravagent for them...just nice little gestures. See if your parents would invite them to dinner, or maybe involve them with your dates. Invite them to chaperone (as awkward as that may sound). When the two of you are together in front of her parents keep the contact to a minimum. No kissing or cuddling....at most a helo and goodbye hug and holding hands. I hope this helps you a bit and I wish you the best of luck. If you want to talk you knwo where to find me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy_dog no.3 Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 Nothing much, man, sorry. Like someone else said it's up to her. Kind of reminds me though of that movie which came out earlier this year that I didn't watch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfnshannon Posted January 7, 2003 Share Posted January 7, 2003 teh suckage! I have 2 perspectives on this. 1. I have had overprotective parents 2. My fiance's parents were not forthcoming either My parents have ALWAYS been overproctective to the point it hurt us more than it did us any good. In fact, when I moved out of the house (against their wishes) I realised just how sheltered I was. If they hadn't of been so strict and so proctective I would have had a much easier time out in the "real world". My parents would do the same her parents would do. Try to make it impossible and entirely difficult beyond belief for me to have a relationship. Dating was outta the question to them. I'll be honest with you. I couldn't take my boyfriends home. It wasn't that they weren't good people or that anything was wrong with them. I had excellent grades....I rarely went out because of the way my parents were. To me it just wasn't worth the fight. While I was in HS I didn't bring my boyfriends home. I kept it at School or I would see the afterschool during Yearbook after school meetings. I talked on the phone with them...but usually kept it on email or msn. That's the only way it worked out. And when I wanted to go to movies with them, I would go with a bunch a friends so my parents wouldn't get suspicious. Then ...I went to college. I had a little more freedom....a car and a job and college. I started dating more openly and my parents tried the same thing. The guys that were worth it put up with my parents crap and others...they left. It was hard to take....finnaly bunch of things built up and I left home shortly after I started college. Then I was able to date and not have to worry about sneaking around. Huh...funny I met a wonderful man and I'm marrying him. Now for the second part. I've been on the opposite end as well. My fiance's parents didn't like me at first either. I felt like I was the plague or something. I couldn't understand why I wasn't good enough for them. Well, its not about being good enough for them. Its about being good enough for your partner! I did everything to try and please them. My fiance would tell me things that would make them happier... I tried that. I would still get the cold shoulder or they would act like I was a complete moron. We would have dates planned and my fiance worked graveyard and went to school and sometimes he would over sleep. I'd call to see why he was late and his mom would just give me the cold answer of "he's sleeping" click! OOOOOO that was so frustrating. he would be frustrated to! He wanted desparetly for his parents to like me. Basically we were old enough just to keep dating anyways and they realised I wasn't going anywhere. I still have to put up with their crap, but....he's worth it to me. Even when we've been together 3 years they still get evil with me. I would go all out and buy them expensive Christmas gifts...only to get like a candy dish (or like one of those 2nd hand christmas gifts) you know what I mean. Not very personable. You just take it on the shoulder. Do your best and remember to never give them anything to hold against you. My best advice is to respect her parents, but do not take anything they say or do personally. Just take it on the shoulder. Remember who you are doing it for. You are not doing it for them, you are doing it for her. They are just another hurdle to get over. As for her, tell her to be strong and you will wait for her. Tell her you care about the fact that her parents accept you and you won't bail on her. Even if your relationship has to stay at school...then that's just something that's going to happen. It sucks but maybe that's the only way it can work out till they realise you two are serious. Just my thoughts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artoo Posted January 8, 2003 Author Share Posted January 8, 2003 I would like to say, thank you all. Talking has helped ALOT. All the things you said have been all the things I have been thinking, it's just that no one I've talked to has said them. Now for a little bit more info covering Rogue Nine's inquiry. The last thing she had that resembled a relationship, was a friend that she had from church. But it was never really that intimate love in the relationship, he was just a good friend. They want to see her with him again, because he was not so "attached" and "needy". He's a nice and I don't wnat to drag him into this, and he doesn't want to be drug into it either. She has spoken several several times about how much she loves me, and how much she missed me, (when we couldn't see each other over Christmas break) and she's told them they don't understand, but of course how do you think they reacted to that. They've talked on several occasions but it was just on this last one that they finally decided we didn't need to be seeing each other as much. Thank you all for your words, they've helped me back up on my feet. I'm ready to bear the burden that I so willingly throw on my back. I didn't sleep but 3 hours last night, but today I was a new person after reading all the replies at 2:00 A.M. I was able to get back to enjoying life, while being able to deal with this "little problem" in front of me. I think I'm ready to step into the world again. Heh, I'm already schemeing with my parents at how to get the families together to, "talk about life" so we may be able to come to some understandings and agreeances within a few weeks. Or I could just doom myself. But I have a feeling it will go the latter. Thank you everyone for your replies, they have all been very helpful in their own way. Thank you especially Ratmjedi for your story and echoing my sentiments. Thank you Rogue Nine for your powerful message, it really helped me stand back up more than anything, and thank you STTCT for giving me a different perspective and helping me realize my problems aren't as bad as they could be. I love you guys. Once more Lucasforums has helped me get back up and on my feet. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anymore general questions and advice about my relationship is quite welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthfergie Posted January 8, 2003 Share Posted January 8, 2003 dang...what do you have to do to convince them. I mean she IS a Junior...college time is soon...life must go on. good grief...are you going to have to get refrences from your teachers to show that you have been a good boy. 1. Anybody that crazy about band has got to be the good guy...all you people are too nuts to be bad. 2. Grades. I know you do well in school. Get certificates from your teachers or get your grades copied. Show them your Q-B awards... ...I was wanting to talk to you on IM anyway...so hurry up:p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlashAndBurn Posted January 8, 2003 Share Posted January 8, 2003 I hope everything does work out for you Artoo. If it doesnt then you gotta remember the good times you had. But dont give up yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chewbacco Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Originally posted by SlashAndBurn I hope everything does work out for you Artoo. If it doesnt then you gotta remember the good times you had. But dont give up yet. Yes, don't think of the bad times or you'll fall down that endless pit of darkness. (I am seriously don't know what I am talking about.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy_dog no.3 Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 If u're still upset, play GTA3 and release ur anger on the virtual world!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artoo Posted January 12, 2003 Author Share Posted January 12, 2003 That is a very good perscription for getting rid of the stress of life... GTA3. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue15 Posted January 13, 2003 Share Posted January 13, 2003 MECH ASSAULT DAMMIT MECH ASSAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! [sorry can't help myself got some hardcore music playing in bg] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eets Posted January 13, 2003 Share Posted January 13, 2003 You can ask Sher, R9, or Rhett.. I'm not the greatest at giving advice. But I think I've got something here... Flowers and candy for her mom, and keys to a new mercedes for her dad! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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