Genghis_Khan Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 One ring to rule them all, One ring to find them, One ring to bring them all, And in the darkness bnd them. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jebbers Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 "May the Schwartz be with you"-Mel Brooks as Yogurt in Spaceballs Officer-"Oh sh*t, not that." Lord Helmet-"Yes that." *chokes guys nuts* Lord Helmet-"I SAID ACROSS HER NOSE NOT UP IT!" Gunner-"I'm sorry sir, I'm doing my best!" Loard Helmet-"Who made that man a Gunner?" Officer-"I did, sir. He's my cousin." Lord Helmet-"Who is he?" Sanders-"He's an A$$hole, sir" Lord Helmet-"I know that. What's his name?" Sanders-"That is his name, sir. A$$hole, Major A$$hole." Lord Helmet-"And his cousin?" Sanders-"He's an A$$hole too, sir. Gunner made 1st Class Phillip A$$hole." Lord Helmet-"How many A$$holes we got on this ship anyhow?" Everyone-"YO!" *Helmet and Sanders look around* Lord Helmet-"I knew it! I'm surrounded by a$$holes. Keep FIRING a$$holes!" BEST part in movie!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jdome83 Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 Holy Sh*** they've gone plaid!!- Barf :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neverhoodian Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 I was beginning to wonder if you'd got my message. We retransmitted it just as you requested, Master...then we decided to come rescue you. Good job! - Obi Wan and Anakin, AOTC __________________________________________________ Bounty hunters! We don't need that scum! - Imperial officer, ESB __________________________________________________ I want him alive... no disintegrations! - Vader to Boba Fett, ESB __________________________________________________ Always a pleasure to meet a Jedi - Jango Fett to Obi Wan, AOTC __________________________________________________ Now where are you taking me? Oh, this is such a drag! - C3P0 to R2D2, AOTC __________________________________________________ Apology accepted, Captain Needa. - Vader to Needa (strangled), ESB __________________________________________________ How wude! - Jar Jar Binks, TPM __________________________________________________ Say good morning, ya SCUM! Good morning, Your Scum. - Time Bandits __________________________________________________ Oh no! The problem! THE PROBLEM! I MUST HAVE FRUIT!!! - Time Bandits __________________________________________________ Welcome to the Caribbean, Love. - Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean __________________________________________________ All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you -Gandalf, Fellowship of the Ring __________________________________________________ This task was appointed to you. If you do not find a way, no one will. -Galadriel, Fellowship of the Ring __________________________________________________ The Force will be with you...Always. -Obi Wan to Luke, ANH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master_Keralys Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 Quotes entire movie, Pirates of the Carribean, Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I like a lot of quotes from those, but my favorites have to be the rum lines in Pirates "I love weddings! Drinks all around!" And no one forget The Princess Bride. "No more rhymes now, I mean it!" - "Anybody want a peanut?" And of course, "You made one of the traditional blunders, the most famous of which, of course, is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia!' Only slightly less well known however, is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" And from LOTR - "Don't tell the elf..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy_dog no.3 Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 Get away from her you b*tch!- Aliens --------- Jules: Mmmm! This is some serious gourmet sh*t! Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice, but he springs this serious GOURMET sh*t on us! What flavor is this? Jimmie: Knock it off, Julie. Jules : [pause] What? Jimmie : I don't need you to tell me how f*cking good my coffee is, all right? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes out shopping she buys SH*T. Me, I buy the expensive gourmet coffee because when I drink it I like to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the expensive coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead nigger you have laying in my garage. Jules: Jimmie, let me explain... Jimmie : No, let me ask you a question. When you came barrelling in here did you see a sign out front of my house that said Dead Nigger Storage? Jules: Jimmie... Jimmie : Answer the question! Did you see a sign out front that said Dead Nigger Storage? Jules : [pause] No. Jimmie : And you know WHY you didn't see it? Jules : Why? Jimmie : 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing dead niggers ain't my f*cking business, that's why! -Pulp Fiction ------------------ Lieutenant Dewindt: FUBAR. Private Reiben: FUBAR. Sergeant Horvath: FUBAR Captain John Miller: FUBAR Private Jackson: Y'all got that right. Corporal Upham: I looked up fubar in the German dictionary and there's no fubar in here. -Saving Private Ryan ------------------- This reminds me of a joke. This guy, he comes into a bar, walks up to the Bartender and says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you Three- Hundred dollars that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single solitary drop." The Bartender says.. {mumbling} now one more time this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, "Now wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Your trying to tell me you're gonna bet me Three-Hundred dollars that YOU can piss standing over here waaay over there, into that glass, and not spill a single drop?" The guy looks up smiling and says, {whispering} "That's right." The Bartender says, "Young man you gotta bet!" The guy says, "O.K. here we go, here we go." He pulls out his thang. He's looking at the glass, man he's thinking about the glass, he's thinking about the glass, he thinks glass, he's thinking of the glass, think glass, thinking about his d*ck. D*ck, glass. D*ck, glass. D*ck, glass. Be the glass. D*ck, glass. D*ck, glass. D*ck, glass. And then 'SWOOOSH' . He let's it rip! And he's {Pissing Sound} ..he's pissin' all over the place, man! {Pissing Sound} He's pissin' on the bar..{Pissing Sound} he's pissin' on the stools, on the floor, on the phone.. {Pissing Sound} on the Bartender.. {Pissing Sound} He's pissing Everywhere EXCEPT the f*cking glass!! Right. O.K. So, Bartender, He's laughing his f*cking ass off, he's Three-Hundred dollars richer. He's like, "Ha Ha Ha Ha." Piss drippin' off his face. "Ha Ha Ha Ha" He says, "You F*CKIN' idiot, man. You everything EXCEPT the glass!! You owe me Three-Hundred dollars punta." And he goes, "Excuse me, just one, one second." Goes in the back of the bar, and in the back there's a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them... {Whisper Sounds} Comes back to the bar and goes, "Here you go Mr. Bartender, three." {Slap Sound} And the Bartenders like, "WHAT the f*ck are you so happy about, you just lost Three-Hundred dollars you idiot?!" The guy says, "Well, you see those guys over there. I just bet them Five-Hundred dollars a PIECE, that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on YOU, and not only would you be not mad about it...... you'd be happy..." -Pick up Guy, Desperado ------------ William Wallace: Sons of Scotland, I am William Wallace. Young soldier: William Wallace is 7 feet tall. William Wallace: Yes, I've heard. He kills men by the hundreds, and if he were here he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. I am William Wallace, and I see a whole army of my countrymen here in defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight? William Wallace: And if this is your army, why does it go? Soldier: We didn't come here to fight for them. Second Soldier: Home, the English are too many. William Wallace: I see a whole army of my country men, here, in defiance of tyranny. What will you do without freedom? Will you fight? Soldier: Against that? No, we will run, and we will live. William Wallace: Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade all of that from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take away our lives, but they'll never take our freeeedoooomm. - Braveheart --------- Now, Harry you must know all about Muggles, tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck? -Arthur Weasly, Harry Potter and the Chamber of secrets -------------- Tony Montana: You wanna f*ck with me? Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend! Tony Montana: This is paradise, I'm tellin' ya. This town like a great big p*ssy just waiting to get f*cked. Tony Montana: Hey baby what is your problem? Huh, you got a problem? You're good looking, you got a beautiful body, beautiful legs, beautiful face, all these guys in love with you. Only you got a look in your eye like you haven't been f*cked in a year! Elvira: Hey, Jose. Who, why, when, and how I f*ck is none of your business, okay? Tony Montana: I'm Tony Montana! You f*ck with me, you f*ckin' with the best! Elvira: Can't you stop saying f*ck all the time? -Scarface Damn that's a lot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jebbers Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 in response to Crazy_dog no.3, i give you my face--> :eyeraise: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kain Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 Its not from a movie, but its from an FMV in a game... Mobius: (long drawn out talk about the Hylden)...are a small price to pay for Kain's death. Kain: I'd say your a bit pre-mature. Mobius: KAIN!! *uses his snake staff that disables vampires to no avail* Kain: *gapping hole in chest where heart use to be*First your omnisions, now your powers. You're slipping badly*evil smile*. The part of me that staff affected is gone. I always was considered heartless. And now, Mobius; it is time - Mobius: To what? Kill, Kain? Is that your answer for everything?! KILL?! Kain: THIS IS NOT A DEBATE!! And this time, you have nothing I want*guts Mobius* Kain's silly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Knight of Keno Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 I just saw a commercial, not remember the name of the movie. "I know some people hwo know some people hwo rob some people" "Now you can ask yourself, do I feel lucky" -Dirty Harry "I need your clothes, your weapons and your bike" -Arnold Scwarzenegger(Terminator 2) "Why... can't... you... die!!!" -Scary movie "Hello?" "Wazzaaaa!!" "Wazzaaaa!!" "Yo! Pick up the phone!" "Hello?" "Wuzzzaaaa!!!" "Wuzzaaaah!!" "Wuzzaaah!!!" -Scary movie "Many men have died in the arena..." -The sheik(Ben-Hur) "Can you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound... of your death..." -The Matrix "This is my world, MY WORLD!!!" -Matrix: Revolutions "The agents are coming..." -Matrix: Reloaded "His doing his superman thing again..." -Matrix: Reloaded "What's that? I've never seen anything go that fast..." -Matrix: Reloaded [Monks cheer and party on the backround] "Look how sad they are that I have to leave..." -Ace Ventura "BEA-utiful"-Bruce almighty "You have the ability to make people laugh. I know, I created you" "Quit bragging" -Bruce almighty "How about this? The day a monkey comes out of my butt, then you get your sorry. How 'bout that?" "What a coincidence, because that's *today*" -Bruce almighty "God is just a mean kid with a magnifying glass. And I'm the ant. He could fix my life in five minutes if He wanted to, but he'd rather tear of my feelers and watch me squirm" -Bruce almighty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--ZeeMan-- Posted April 15, 2004 Author Share Posted April 15, 2004 Originally posted by Master_Keralys And no one forget The Princess Bride. "No more rhymes now, I mean it!" - "Anybody want a peanut?" And of course, "You made one of the traditional blunders, the most famous of which, of course, is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia!' Only slightly less well known however, is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" OMG i forgot about the princess bride!! You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well I accept - Main character..what's his name? Inconceivable! - I do not think you know what that words things... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master_Ginn Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 you killed my father, prepare to die.- Inigo Mantoya (SP)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dark jedi 8 Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 "dont f*** with the jedi master son" - mark hammil, jay and silent bob strike back. "i'm gonna go medieval on his ass" - marcellus wallace, pulp fiction. "That woman deserves her revenge. And we deserve to die." - Budd, kill bill 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Homer Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 "We're 30 miles outside of Chicago, we've got half a pack of cigarettes, half a tank a gas, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses." "Hit it." -- Jake and Elwood Blues, The Blues Brothers "How'd you get the name Cockknocker?" "Well, it's a funny story, really...you see*bashes Jay in the nads* *in a high pitched voice to Silent Bob*"Avenge me!!" -- Jay, Silent Bob, & Cockknocker (aka Mark Hamil), Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back "Who would go see a movie about Jay & Silent Bob?" (turn & look at camera) --various, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy_dog no.3 Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Originally posted by jebbers in response to Crazy_dog no.3, i give you my face--> :eyeraise: I had nothing else to do, OK?! Anyone else wanna negotiate- The Fifth element Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeleneRayne Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 WHY THE RUM!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--ZeeMan-- Posted April 16, 2004 Author Share Posted April 16, 2004 LMFAO....well i just have to think but pirates of the caribbean is perhaps the mostly quoted movie so far It really is a nice ship. I dont' think i deserved that. I may have deserved that. And I'm guessing you didn't deserve that? No, I'm pretty sure I deserved that. gotta love Johnny Depp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master_Ginn Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 but it's such a pretty boat... ship!- Captian Jack Sparrow If I risk my neck for you i'll get the chance to kill englishman?- Steven Braveheart but some trees are longer than others Ah your mothers been telling stories about me again!- Braveheart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pnut_Man Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 There are dozens and dozens of quotes I could whip up, but being that I had 10 hours of Sci-Fi channel Dune last sunday, here's one. "Fear is the mind killer...I will face my fears, I will let them pass through me!" :Bene Gesserit saying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--ZeeMan-- Posted April 16, 2004 Author Share Posted April 16, 2004 can someone PLEASE post the "halls of valhala" monologue that antonio banderas does in 13th warrior? i can't quite seem to find it :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpTheHotrod Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 "Your time is over....and you leave with nothing." - The X-Files Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pie™ Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 "One day men will look back and say that I gave birth to the twentieth century. " -Jack The Ripper, From Hell "Evil is a point of view. God kills indiscriminately and so shall we. For no creatures under God are as we are, none so like him as ourselves." - Lestat de Lioncourt, Interview With The Vampire "I have something to give you. I don't want it anymore. Thirty hours of pain all at once, all for you." - Eric Draven, The Crow "They're all dead. They just don't know it yet." - Eric Draven, The Crow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MennoniteHobbit Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 "What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad." - Morpheus "Me... me... me...; me too!" - Agent Smith "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse." - The Godfather Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--ZeeMan-- Posted April 18, 2004 Author Share Posted April 18, 2004 Merciful father, I have squandered my days with plans of many things. This was not among them, but at this moment I beg only to live the next few minutes well. But all we ought to have thought, and have not thought, all we ought to have said, and have not said, all we ought to have done, and we have not done, I pray thee god for forgiveness. Lo there do I see my father; Lo there do i see my mother and my sisters and my brothers. Lo there do I see my line of my people back to the beginning. Lo they do call me to me, they bid me take my place among them. In the Halls of Valhala, with the brave, they live forever! - 13th Warrior Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jokemaster Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Originally posted by txa1265 Funny, I saw a commercial for some light crisp potato chip snack thing last night that started with the line 'the word is teNTacles, and I don't think there are any Octopus in here' ... anyone get the reference to one of my all-time fave movies? Better Off Dead (1985) - That, how you say - 'Lunkhead' is a sex maniac ... he keeps putting his testicles all over me ... - His what?!? - His testicles, you know, octopus, testicles? - Oh ... you mean teNTacles, it's NT, teNTacles ... big difference ... From the movie that brought you Johnny the psycho paperboy - Two dollars ... I want my two dollars - Sorry Johnny, don't have a dime - Didn't ask for a dime ... two dollars Mike Dear god that movie was awesome You know, for kids. -norvile barnes Mail Room Orienter: You punch in at 8:30 every morning, except you punch in at 7:30 following a business holiday, unless it's a Monday, then you punch in at 8 o'clock. Punch in late and they dock you. Incoming articles get a voucher, outgoing articles provide a voucher. Move any article without a voucher and they dock you. Letter size a green voucher, oversize a yellow voucher, parcel size a maroon voucher. Wrong color voucher and they dock you! 6787049A/6. That is your employee number. It will not be repeated! Without your employee number you cannot get your paycheck. Inter-office mail is code 37, intra-office mail 37-3, outside mail is 3-37. Code it wrong and they dock you! This has been your orientation. Is there anything you do not understand, is there anything you understand only partially? If you have not been fully oriented, you must file a complaint with personnel. File a faulty complaint and they dock you! [spoken at about 160 words per minute] [Having just rammed a broom handle through a clock, thus freezing time. Line spoken to camera] Moses: Strictly speaking, I'm never supposed to do this. But have you got a better idea? Madam, We must have waffles! We must all have waffles forthwith! We must think, and we must all have waffles, and think each and everyone of us to the best of his ability... -Tom Hanks in the ladykillers Dan: Well, the thing is that [Pause] Dan: maybe she wasn't quite dead. Ira Gaines: Well I tell ya, Dan. You're either dead or you're not dead. There's no such thing as "sorta dead". Here, let me show you. [Pulls out gun and shoots Dan] I'm federal agent Jack Bauer, and today is the longest day of my life. When Plan A fails, you go to Plan B, not Plan A recycled Ira Gaines: Bury your friend. Rick: Where? Ira Gaines: [annoyed] In the ground. [some of the symptoms of inhaling plutonium] Paramedic: Well, there's hair loss... George Mason: I'm already used to that. So, uh, what are we saying here? If we save LA from a nuclear bomb, then you and I can get together for dinner and a movie? Apone: All right, people, what are you waiting for? Breakfast in bed? Another glorious day in the corps! A day in the Marine Corps is like a day on the farm. Every meal's a banquet! Every paycheck a fortune! Every formation a parade! I LOVE the corps! Ripley: They cut the power. Hudson: What do you mean "they cut the power"? How could they cut the power, man? They're animals, man! Hudson: In case you haven't been paying attention to current events, we just got our asses kicked, pal! Hudson: Let's just bug out and call it even, OK? Ripley: I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. That's the only way to be sure. Hudson: ****in' A... Burke: Ho-ho-hold on one second. This installation has a substantial dollar value attached to it. Ripley: They can *bill* me. Ripley: How long before we're declared overdue can we expect a rescue? Hicks: Seventeen days. Hudson: Seventeen days? Look man, I don't wanna rain on your parade, but we're not gonna last seventeen hours! Those things are gonna come in here just like they did before. And they're gonna come in here... Ripley: Hudson! Hudson: ...and they're gonna come in here AND THEY'RE GONNA KILL US! Ripley: HUDSON! This little girl survived longer than that with no weapons and no training, right? Hudson: So why don't you put her in charge? Clark Kellogg: [narrating] There's a kind of freedom in being completely screwed... because you know things can't get any worse. Ferris: Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond. Grace: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude. Cameron: What'd I do? Ferris: You killed the car. Paul (hotel barber): I never saw you throw that gentleman off the balcony. All I care about is: are you happy with your haircut? John Mason: I'm fed up saving your ass. I'm amazed you made it past puberty. Carla: You didn't really mean what you said about bringing a child into this world being an act of cruelty, did you? Stanley Goodspeed: I meant it at the time. Carla: Stanley, you said it seven and a half seconds ago. Stanley Goodspeed: Well, gosh, kind of a lot's happened since then. Commander Anderson: Have you ever been in a combat situation? Stanley Goodspeed: Define combat, sir. Commander Anderson: Shep... Lt. Shephard: An incursion underwater to retake an impregnable fortress held by an elite team of US Marines in possession of 81 hostages and fifteen guided rockets armed with VX poison gas. Stanley Goodspeed: Oh. In that case, no, sir. John Mason: Are you sure you're ready for this? Stanley Goodspeed: I'll do my best. John Mason: Your best? Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and **** the prom queen. Stanley Goodspeed: Carla was the prom queen. John Mason: Really? Stanley Goodspeed: Yeah. John Mason: I'm sure all this will make a great bed time story for your kids. Stanley Goodspeed: Are you kidding. They'll have nightmares. I'll end up spending all my money on shrinks. Stanley Goodspeed: Actually, I'm a biochemical superfreak, but I still need a gun. Stanley Goodspeed: You've been around a lot of corpses. Is that normal? John Mason: What, the feet thing? Stanley Goodspeed: Yeah, the feet thing. John Mason: Yeah, it happens. Stanley Goodspeed: Yeah, well I'm having a hard time concentrating. Can you do something about it? John Mason: Like what, kill him again? Commander Anderson: Make no mistake, gentlemen. We are in the fight of our lives, against one of the greatest battalion commanders of the Vietnam War, I **** you not. Stanley Goodspeed: Look, I'm just a biochemist. Most of the time, I work in a little glass jar and lead a very uneventful life. I drive a Volvo, a beige one. But what I'm dealing with here is one of the most deadly substances the earth has ever known, so what say you cut me some FRIGGIN' SLACK? FBI Director Womack: No scissors. Just clippers. Paul the Hotel Barber: What? Are you kidding me? No scissors? Did they tell Picasso 'No brush'? FBI Director Womack: With scissors, this man could kill you. John Mason: I can't cut off anyone's balls with a pair of clippers, now can I? Let's do this outside, get some sun. Stanley Goodspeed: How, in the name of Zeus's butthole, did you get out of your cell? [Holding a gun up to the head of a stuffed pink bunny] Cyrus Grissom: Make a move and the bunny gets it. Garland Greene: What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell you to piss off; ending up in some retirement village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldn't you consider that to be insane? William 'Billy Bedlam' Bedford: Have you lost your mind? Cyrus Grissom: According to my last psych evaluation yes. Duncan Malloy: What's with dictionary-boy over here? Vince Larkin: I believe thesaurus-boy would be more appropriate. Cyrus Grissom: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have the only gun on board. Welcome to Con Air. Cameron Poe: That gun work? Vince Larkin: Yeah Cameron Poe: Then shoot that piece of ****! [After seeing a Corvette being towed in the air by a plane] Cameron Poe: On any other day, that might seem strange. ["Sweet Home Alabama" plays in background] Garland Greene: Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash. Guard Falzon: If any of you so much as pass gas in my direction and upset my delicate nasal passages, your testicles will become my private property. Garland Greene: [singing in the crashing plane] He's got the who-ole wo-orld in his hands... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--ZeeMan-- Posted April 18, 2004 Author Share Posted April 18, 2004 Originally posted by jokemaster Paul (hotel barber): I never saw you throw that gentleman off the balcony. All I care about is: are you happy with your haircut? John Mason: I'm fed up saving your ass. I'm amazed you made it past puberty. Carla: You didn't really mean what you said about bringing a child into this world being an act of cruelty, did you? Stanley Goodspeed: I meant it at the time. Carla: Stanley, you said it seven and a half seconds ago. Stanley Goodspeed: Well, gosh, kind of a lot's happened since then. Commander Anderson: Have you ever been in a combat situation? Stanley Goodspeed: Define combat, sir. Commander Anderson: Shep... Lt. Shephard: An incursion underwater to retake an impregnable fortress held by an elite team of US Marines in possession of 81 hostages and fifteen guided rockets armed with VX poison gas. Stanley Goodspeed: Oh. In that case, no, sir. John Mason: Are you sure you're ready for this? Stanley Goodspeed: I'll do my best. John Mason: Your best? Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and **** the prom queen. Stanley Goodspeed: Carla was the prom queen. John Mason: Really? Stanley Goodspeed: Yeah. John Mason: I'm sure all this will make a great bed time story for your kids. Stanley Goodspeed: Are you kidding. They'll have nightmares. I'll end up spending all my money on shrinks. Stanley Goodspeed: Actually, I'm a biochemical superfreak, but I still need a gun. Stanley Goodspeed: You've been around a lot of corpses. Is that normal? John Mason: What, the feet thing? Stanley Goodspeed: Yeah, the feet thing. John Mason: Yeah, it happens. Stanley Goodspeed: Yeah, well I'm having a hard time concentrating. Can you do something about it? John Mason: Like what, kill him again? Commander Anderson: Make no mistake, gentlemen. We are in the fight of our lives, against one of the greatest battalion commanders of the Vietnam War, I **** you not. Stanley Goodspeed: Look, I'm just a biochemist. Most of the time, I work in a little glass jar and lead a very uneventful life. I drive a Volvo, a beige one. But what I'm dealing with here is one of the most deadly substances the earth has ever known, so what say you cut me some FRIGGIN' SLACK? FBI Director Womack: No scissors. Just clippers. Paul the Hotel Barber: What? Are you kidding me? No scissors? Did they tell Picasso 'No brush'? FBI Director Womack: With scissors, this man could kill you. John Mason: I can't cut off anyone's balls with a pair of clippers, now can I? Let's do this outside, get some sun. Stanley Goodspeed: How, in the name of Zeus's butthole, did you get out of your cell? OMFG I LOVE YOU FOR POSTING THOSE!!!! Dude..you just f'cked your Ferrari! It's not mine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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