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The Lighter Side of Life (jokes, humor, etc.)

ChAiNz.2da

By ChAiNz.2da
in Ahto Spaceport Cantina

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milo Newbie

milo

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I am suprised you of all people would make a sex joke
What?! You haven't stereotyped me that way just because I live in Utah, have you? I'll have you know I enjoy sex jokes just as much as the next guy. Probably more than the next guy.
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Hallucination Newbie

Hallucination

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Speaking of terrorism:

 

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

 

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

 

"Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult," Gonzalez said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle".

 

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes".

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milo Newbie

milo

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This was originally posted by Foshjedi2004 in this thread.

 

Top 25 Lines in Star Wars that Can Be Improved by Substituting the word "Pants"

 

1. A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.

2. You are unwise to lower your pants.

3. We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.

4. She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.

5. These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.

6. I find your lack of pants disturbing.

7. These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.

8. Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!

9. General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.

10. I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.

11. TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants?

12. Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.

13. Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.

14. You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.

15. Luke. . . Help me take...these pants off.

16. Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.

17. That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!

18. Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.

19. Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.

20. Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one. Your sister!

21. Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.

22. Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.

23. Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.

24. I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.

25. You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.

 

took me a while to stop laughing.

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ChAiNz.2da Newbie

ChAiNz.2da

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I...don't have anything to say...

:eyeraise: I should ban you just for making me listen to that damn song.. hehehe (jk)

 

I swear the song is like crack.. you know it's bad, but you just can't stop yourself from listening to it... still, it was terribly funny :lol:

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JediKnight707 Newbie

JediKnight707

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Here are some names of college classes that I saw in a game that I thought were pretty funny:

 

Drama:

Improvisation: 'Cause Scripts are for Wussies

Pratfalls and other ways to give up your dignity

Costume Design: Because Naked Actors are Distracting

 

Economics:

Economic Forecasting: Guessing never hurt anyone

Exploting the enviornment for fun and profit

 

History:

Intro to history: people more important than you

Civilization: why it's rarely civil

 

Biology:

Lab techniques 1: Poking at things with with tweezers

Beginning Disection: why the frogs hate you

 

Philosophy:

What is the meaning of this?!

The refridgerator light: proof v. faith

Old dead guys who thought stuff

 

Literature:

Words Ending with -wth: A Shakespearen study

Using Bizarre Metaphors: Life is Feeding Baked Alaska to Zombies

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Mace MacLeod Newbie

Mace MacLeod

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Just went to Sloganizer.net. Its suggestion for me?

 

"You'd better get inside Mace_MacLeod!"

 

*turns around to make sure no one's sneaking up from behind him*

 

Aaaaaaaaand...

 

25 lines improved in the prequel movies by changing a noun to "pants"--

 

1) I'm haunted by the pants you never should have given me!"

 

2) "It's over, Anakin! I have the high ground!" / "You underestimate my pants!"

 

3) "Jedi business. Go back to your pants."

 

4) "You know, m'lady, that Count Dooku was once a Jedi. He couldn't assassinate anyone. It's not in his pants."

 

5) "My pants have doubled since the last time we met, Count."

 

6) "You think you're some kind of Jedi, waving your pants around like that?"

 

7) "I will never join you, Dooku." / "It may be difficult to secure your pants."

 

8) "Gungans have grand pants. That's why you no liking us meesa thinks."

 

9) "Do you seen any way to bring the pants back into the Republic through negotations?"

 

10) "I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my pants."

 

11) "I need your help, son. I want you to be the eyes, ears, and pants of the Republic."

 

12) "You want to go home and rethink your pants."

 

13) "And Zam, there can be no pants this time."

 

14) "We're on our way to make sure the Chancellor returns emergency pants back to the Senate."

 

15) "Senator Organa... the Supreme Chancellor requests your pants at a special session of Congress."

 

16) "I'm not going to die in pants, Anakin. I promise you."

 

17) "An angel. I've heard the deep space pilots talk about them. They live on the moons of Iego, I think. They're the most beautiful pants in the universe. "

 

18) "Mmm. Lost his pants, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing. How embarrassing."

 

19) "You don't need pants, Anakin. In time, you will learn to trust your feelings."

 

20) "Something's happening. I'm not the Jedi I should be. I want pants. And I know I shouldn't."

 

21) "Her presence is...intoxicating." / "Your pants betray you, Anakin."

 

22) "I will not let this Republic, which has stood for a thousand years, be split in two. My pants will not fail."

 

23) "Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midi-chlorians to create pants."

 

24) "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to pants."

 

25) "Master, General Grievous' ship is dead ahead." / "Well, have you noticed the pants are still up?" / "Sorry master."

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