MdKnightR Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 Here's something funny to look at.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 That is pretty sick, but still funny ChAiNz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Kenobi Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 Okay, apparently the ladies of JTV are at it again Med Students First year students at Med school were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention." Wouldn't you have loved to have been a custodian standing in a corner laughing his arse off when he saw that...lol "Honey you'll never guess what I saw those new med students doing today."...lol General Kenobi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted August 15, 2005 Share Posted August 15, 2005 Funny bumperstickers Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an a$$hole. It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now Protected by .357 Magnum 3 days a week. You guess which 3 Cover me, I'm changing lanes. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Fight crime - Shoot back Clear the Road I AM SIXTEEN I SWERVE to HIT People at Random! Warning! I brake for hallucinations Honk If You Want To See My Finger Honk If Anything Falls Off Forget the Flag. Burn a Politician. Empty the prisons - Make room for congress If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. Dyslexics Untie! Courtesy of http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MdKnightR Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 More bumper sticker sayings.... Don't drink and park, accidents cause people. We're from 2 different worlds. Mine has soap And toothpaste. If you're against logging, try wiping your bum with plastic. Go Braless! It will pull the wrinkles from your face. Confucious say "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot!" And in response to the "If we aren't supposed to eat animals" posted above (I've had all of the following on my car)... Love Animals, Don't Eat Them Go Vegetarian Hunt meat-eaters...FOR SPORT! Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rok_stoned Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 for those who havent read halls new sig look at it its the epitomy of bad grammar and he actually said it today. any ways why not have people post the worst grammar mistakes they've ever made. why is you here? -me asking why my brother didn't brush his teeth and was lying in bed yeah we have real bad grammar mistakes in the summer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MdKnightR Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 for those who havent read halls new sig look at it its the epitomy of bad grammar and he actually said it today. any ways why not have people post the worst grammar mistakes they've ever made. why is you here? -me asking why my brother didn't brush his teeth and was lying in bed yeah we have real bad grammar mistakes in the summer Well, there is a thread I started called "Spelling and Grammer, Indiana" that discussed such things, but it didn't make it a point to post worst grammar mistakes. If you want to post this suggestion in that thread, please do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Devon Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 I don't know that many funny bumper stickers, but here are the ones I do know: If you can read this, you're driving too close. Friends don't eat friends! God bless America, support our troops! If Cheny dies, Bush will take over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted August 16, 2005 Author Share Posted August 16, 2005 "Horn Broken, Watch for Finger"... still my all time fav Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevanA4 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 "if you can read this flip me over" I'm like WTF i can read upside down wont work for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevanA4 Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 I got a kick out of these so I'm gonna share them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MdKnightR Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 ^^^^^ That's great! It reminds me of a Windows desktop theme called "Winders" that has a whole redneck theme to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedHawke Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 ^^^^ Redneck computer humor... gotta love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevanA4 Posted August 22, 2005 Share Posted August 22, 2005 oh i got another tech one a lady says to the it person at work she has a problem and the converstion goes as follows lady: um I have a problem with my computer IT:*looks at problem and fixes it* What you have there is an ID 10 T error lady:Ok, just so in the future I can fix this on my own what is an ID 10 T error IT:write it out lady: *writes it out* ID10T IT:*walks a way* more IT humor: when someone has a problem that is a user error you tell them they have a pebkac error and look at their expersion when you explain it *priceless* pebkac error == problem between the keyboard and the chair(I've seen people choke on this one) edit: fixed it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted August 22, 2005 Share Posted August 22, 2005 ....it's PEBKAC....not pemkac.....but....yeah... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted August 28, 2005 Share Posted August 28, 2005 Some funny and true newspaper headlines fresh from my inbox. Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [imagine that!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says[Nooooooo sh*t] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that's taking things a bit far!] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Not if I wipe thoroughly!] Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!] Miners Refuse to Work after Death [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!] Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial!] War Dims Hope for Peace [i can see where it might have that effect!] If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [Ya think?] Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!] Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!] Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?] Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!] New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!] Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?] Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [boy, are they tall!] And a link to a song that might be a little too true for all you drivers out there. http://toccionline.kizash.com/films/1001/178/index.php Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rok_stoned Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 tired of gas prices rising? http://toccionline.kizash.com/films/1001/178/index.php and btw my i complement you hall on your exquisite banner specificaly the top part which i belive to be the epitome of wit and inteligence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted August 30, 2005 Author Share Posted August 30, 2005 The Moral Of The Story Is... The teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'don't count your chickens before they're hatched.' " "That was a fine story Sarah. Joey, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?" "Stay the F*** away from Aunt Carol when she's been drinking." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Devon Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Very amusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rok_stoned Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 ^^^^ i heard that joke before with different names. one of my favorite! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MdKnightR Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 A guy walks into a bar and meets some friends at a pool table. They play pool for about 30 minutes before he walks up to the bar and orders a beer. When the bartender hands him the beer, the guys asks, "Are you a betting man?" The bartender replies, "I suppose so." The guy says, "Do you see that mug sitting at the other end of the bar? I will bet you $200 that I can stand flatfooted here and piss into that mug without getting a drop anywhere else." The bartender says, "I'll take that bet!" So the guy unzips and pees all over the bar, the barstools, and the bartender without ever getting a drop in the mug! With a huge smile on his face, the bartender claims his prize. The guy walks back to the pool table for a few minutes and then returns to the bar with an equally big smile on his face. The bartender queries, "What are you smiling about? You just lost $200 to me!" The guy replies, "That's true! But I bet all 3 guys over there $300 each that I could piss all over you and your bar and not only wouldn't you be mad about it, you'd enjoy the hell out of it!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 That's great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Sitherino Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 "So mister pirate, how'd you come to need that eye patch? Did you get stabbed in a sword fight to the death?" 'No, what happened was it was a lonely night at sea, and I stumbled upon a collection of magazines.' 'Long story short, I shot out me eye.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted September 26, 2005 Author Share Posted September 26, 2005 ^^^ :lol: ----------------- Here's a "generic" joke anyone can use if their Team is performing poorly during the season Just substitute the locale and Team to suit your die-hard fan needs hehehe KNOXVILLE (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Knoxville courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Tennessee Volunteers, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Lion54 Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 ^^^^ HAHA!! I have to use that one! I might just have to try MdKnightR's one, if I ever go to a bar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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