Acrylic Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by Boba Rhett It's "Got an ID?" "'bout what?" "ID" sounds a lot like, "idea" in some southern places. Ah, I didn't understand it either. I'm a up north guy, so, I haven't heard a southern accent since I went down to Florida 3 years ago... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiE23 Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by narfblat I'm probably just being dumb, but I don't get that one. Yah, me neither. *Clings on to narfblat* TiE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jebbers Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing. A mom dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the baby starts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and says "ketchup" (*anyone remembe where it came from??*) What do you give an elephant with diarreha? Lots of Room. Why do they put bells on cows? Because their horns don't work! bunch of lame ones off the 'net.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiE23 Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by Chase Windu When people with a southern accent (mainly hicks, hill billies, and people who live in the Ozarks) say the word 'idea' it sounds like 'ID'. The cop asked for the hill billies 'I.D.' (identification). The hill billy thought the cop was saying idea. Do you guys want me or Rhett to draw you a picture or a diagram or something? Yes, but no Photoshop, we don't need some artist/eloborate/over-the-top picture that reminds how weak we are TiE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Jedi Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by Chase Windu A hillbilly gets pulled over for speeding. The cop asks, "I.D.?" The hillbilly says, " 'bout what?" (think of how a hillbilly talks and you'll get it) >> << Er, am I the only one that got that without reading an explaination? Ahem. Wutch ya'll naid ta doe is gitch ya'lls selfs ejucated in some southern terms. Or else none a ya'll's ever gone get them southern jokes. Mmm-hmmm. I don't know if it's been posted in this thread but: A guy walk into a therapist's office wearing only underwear made of plastic wrap. The patient says "Doctor, can you tell me what's wrong with me?" The doc looks at the patient and says "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narfblat Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Originally posted by Chase Windu When people with a southern accent (mainly hicks, hill billies, and people who live in the Ozarks) say the word 'idea' it sounds like 'ID'. The cop asked for the hill billies 'I.D.' (identification). The hill billy thought the cop was saying idea. Do you guys want me or Rhett to draw you a picture or a diagram or something? Yay! picture time! I wanna draw a picture too, Mommy! Sorry if I don't know the southern accent that well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jon_hill987 Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Going to be the other night, I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the police but was told no one was in the area to help. They said they would send someone as soon as possible. I hung up. A minute later I rang again. "Hello," I said, I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to hurry now, because I've shot them." Within minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thought you said you'd shot them." To which I replied: "I thought you said there was no one available." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Seeker Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 A mom dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the baby starts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and says "ketchup" (*anyone remembe where it came from??*) Pulp Fiction, damn you. I was just about to post that one. Okay, so a dollar bill walks into a bar. The barkeep says "Hey, get out of here. This isn't a singles bar" A Hahahaha Hooo. What? No? *dodges flying vegetables* Okay, how bout this one: So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra... *runs for cover.* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jon_hill987 Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Alternate Ending to The Empire Strikes Back *A furious light sabre duel is under way. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER toward the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.* Darth Vader: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father." Luke: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!" Darth Vader: "No! I am your father!" Luke: "No, it's not true! It's impossible." Darth Vader: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true." Luke: "NO!" Darth Vader: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?" Luke: "Threepio?" Darth Vader: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was seven years old." Luke: "No." Darth Vader: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp." Luke: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!" Darth Vader: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!" Luke: "Well, it's not my fault." Darth Vader: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith .. waahhh wahhh!'" Luke: "Shut up." Darth Vader: "You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!" Luke: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!" Darth Vader: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor, 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby! *Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.* Darth Vader: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine." *Luke takes another step towards the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.* *Darth Vader looks after him.* Darth Vader: "And get a haircut!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jebbers Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 @jon_hills' post...... you got a lot of time on your hands dont you...so do i... ever seen my notebook?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jon_hill987 Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 I didn't write that, got it of the net. WARNING SOME OF THE JOKES IN THE FOLOWING LINK MAY BE AND PROBABLY ARE OFFENCIVE, I HAVN'T CHECKED THEM ALL. http://www.comcen.com.au/~heretic/humour/humour.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kipperthefrog Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 two penguins sit in the bath tub. the first penguin says "pass the soap." the second penguin says "what do I look like? a typewriter?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebelScum! Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by Boba Rhett It's "Got an ID?" "'bout what?" "ID" sounds a lot like, "idea" in some southern places. Southern! ...roar! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[RAA]-=Chi3f=- Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 You're an American before you go in the bathroom... You're an American after you get out of the bathroom... SO what are you when you're IN the bathroom? European How many FLIES does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but don't ask me how they got in there. A baby seal walks into a club... A piece of twine walks into a bar and sits down... BARTENDER: "Hey, we don't serve rope in here!" ROPE:"Well, for your information I am not rope" BARTENDER: "you ain't rope?" ROPE: "Nope, Fraid not" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BawBag™ Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Duck walks into a bar, and asks the barman: "Got any bread?" Barman replies politely: "Naw, we only sell drink here." Duck replies: "Awright then" and leaves the bar. The following evening, the duck returns: "Got any bread?" Barman replies puzzled: "Naw, I told you last night, we only sell drink." Duck replies: "Awright then" and leaves the bar. The next again evening, the duck returns: "Got any bread?" Barman replies irritably: "Naw! I told you last night! we only sell drink!" Duck replies: "Awright then" and leaves the bar. The next again evening, the duck returns: "Got any bread?" Barman replies angrily: "Naw! I told you last night! we only sell drink! Beer! Lager! Vodka! Whisky! NO BREAD!" Duck replies: "Awright then" and leaves the bar. The evening after the last, the duck returns: "Got any bread?" Barman replies lividly: "NAW! ONLY DRINK! NO BREAD! IF YOU DON'T STOP COMING IN HERE ASKING FOR BREAD, I'LL NAIL YOU TO THIS BAR!!!" Duck replies: "O.K.... ummm.. got any nails?" The barman replies hotly: "NAW!" The duck asks: "Got any bread?" Poor by even my standards..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doomie Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 I don't get the 'bathroom' one... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jon_hill987 Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Read "European" as "you're o peein" rubbish isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Originally posted by BawBag™ duck joke. That one was alreday told Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BawBag™ Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Originally posted by ET Warrior That one was alreday told Bollocks. That means there's someone out there with my taste in bad humour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jebbers Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 more like common sense questions but i bet you'll get some wrong! How far can a dog walk into the woods? Half way, then hes walking out of the woods. Is there a Fourth of July in England? You betcha! Right after the Third and before the Fifth You have two United States coins. Together they equal 55 cents. One is not a nickel, which two coins do you use? A fifty cent piece and a nickel. One isnt a nickel(50 cent piece0 Use no calculator! Divide 30 by 1/2. Then add 10. What do you get? 70. Dividing any number by 1/2 is the same as multiplying it by 2. A house has Southern exposure to all four sides. A bear walks by, what color is the bear? White. The house is at the North pole. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 die, how many are left? All but 9. A butcher is 5ft. 10in.,what does he weigh? A butcher weighs meat. You have 3 apples. If you take away 2, how many do you have? 2 If you take away 2. Can a man living in the USA be buried in Canada? He has to be dead first. I'll think of more as they come to me but i forgot most of mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joetheeskimo Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 Originally posted by [RAA]-=Chi3f=- A baby seal walks into a club... Clubbing Baby Seals .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BawBag™ Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 What do an ostrich, a pelican and the inland revenue all have in common? They can stick their bills up their arse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kylilin Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Whats the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? the taste!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BongoBob Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 Holy h-e-double hockey sticks, it's Kylillin! Jebbers, I don't get the apples one *waits for simple answer that will make me feel stoopid* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narfblat Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 I hope this makes the apple one make more sense to you. You had three apples on the table. You grabbed two apples and took them somewhere else. You then only had two with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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