stingerhs Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 and i agree with machievelli, so just mind your own business. besides, nobody said that we had to give you guys reviews on the stories you write. remember that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted December 11, 2005 Author Share Posted December 11, 2005 as for hyperlinking, I'm an old man who remembers when a computer as powerful as this POS of mine needed a 20 by 20 room with seven half inch wide, ten inch reel tape drives. I don't know HOW to hyperlink Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 POS... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth333 Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 Good job ...you can expect the critique of the critic in about a week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted December 12, 2005 Author Share Posted December 12, 2005 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 um, good luck. and if you were serious about the hyperlinking bit, go here and scroll down to the hyperlinking bit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vladimir-Vlada Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGHHHHHHHHH! Poor guy. I can only imagine through what kind of hell is he going to pass. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabretooth Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 *raises hand* Can I be the critic critic critic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 sure, and ill be the critic critic critic critic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted December 16, 2005 Author Share Posted December 16, 2005 16 Dec Rescue from Mustafar Alkonium http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=155005 65 Years after the Battle of Yavin, Three Jedi face the legendary HK47 The action is fast and furious, which is good, but the author is compressing it, making it more like a series of movie clips than a coherent story. Like watching just the commercials, and saying you saw the movie. A story must be coherent beyond the action sequences. There must be an underlying bed of created reality to keep the readers on track. This type of thing can work for a movie, but tends to fail in the written work. The main problem with this work is the writer is trying to bridge a 4,000+ year gap and cannot do it seamlessly. There is no explanation why a robot over 4,000 years old is still running around, why a droid army which was shut down in Revenge of the Sith is still operational, and why they had to name a ship the II, when after 4,000 years I am sure a few others had been christened with that name. It needs work, but it will work if it is cleaned up. Fall of the Jedi RagingHippy212 http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=156400 Very good. My only problem is there isn’t enough to keep me going. Write some more, kid. The Plight of Darkness ForceFightWme12 http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=151361 After the destruction of the Star Forge. Revan and Bastila start at loose ends. I have been asked several times to review this, and have held back to allow all the other reviews below it. It was worth the wait. The style is hesitant, and the author is right when she said she misspelled some things. It needs editing, and that is pretty much all I can say about it in a negative vein. You’re good kid. Really good. From the Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater Ben Skywalker: Father's Shadow Obi Wan http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=5585 46 years after A New Hope A Young Jedi teeters on the edge of the dark side. The style is good but the writer tends to merely let the story drag him along instead of guiding it. Like a lot of young writers this is not a really bad thing. It just means he has to spend more time polishing his craft. Double Legacy Princess Tranquility http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=5652 Set four and a half years after A New Hope. Luke and Leia travel to Naboo to find out about their mother. The basic story is good but the writer is buried in minutiae at the start. This I believe is because like a lot of the younger generation, she was raised with visual rather than written entertainment. This is not a bad thing, but it does show in the writing style. It needs to be smoothed out, but that is what editing and rewriting is for. The only problem she has that really needs addressing is the political system on Naboo. Remember that while Padme was called Queen Amidala in Phantom Menace, the title seems to be what they call their president, rather than a title that is passed on to the children. She started with the idea that being Padme’s son automatically made him King. Again, a minor problem, easily corrected. Victory Quest: The Growing of the Shadows Sidious618 A continuation of his earlier work Revelations Like revelations, he tells the story with news clips followed by vignettes. Well done. Kotorfanmedia Coming to Terms xenzen http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=456 Between Kotor 1 and II. There is a reason Jedi shouldn’t love... Kotorfanmedia does what they call dueling circles, a round-robin story line. I have left them alone mostly because the stories, due to having other writers putting their oars in, in inconsistent. However xenzen has outdone himself with this segment. The angst of a couple loving each other, yet arguing about something as simple as how to treat a young adult is excellent. Carth Vs Revan Carthlover64 http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=453 Set after the destruction of the Star Forge. Revan and Carth face the fact that they might not be together... I’ve never been much for romance writing. The work is clean and workmanlike, with a deep understanding of the problems of having a forbidden relationship. It isn’t my cup of tea, but if you enjoy love scenes, I would suggest reading it all. Debt lastofthelineage http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=464 Set after KOTOR I A redeemed Malak must prove Revan is innocent of a heinous crime. There aren’t many stories out there where Malak was redeemed, and this was the first I have read. The style is excellent, and only needs editing to make it first class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkonium Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 I see, that you've given me a somewhat bad review. But don't worry, in the next two parts of my trilogy, I'm putting a lot more work into them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForceFightWMe12 Posted December 17, 2005 Share Posted December 17, 2005 Thanks for the review! Note to self: Use spellcheck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted December 17, 2005 Author Share Posted December 17, 2005 Alkonium, I'll make a deal with you. I'll review you again next month. Check out the comment I PMed you. Force, Edit, edit, edit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkonium Posted December 17, 2005 Share Posted December 17, 2005 Actually, I'm going to leave my story as is, and put a lot more work into the next parts, as there are too many parts of the story requiring a post-movie era setting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted December 17, 2005 Share Posted December 17, 2005 Were getting there...soon my review shall dominate *evil laughter, thunder slaps me and RC1162* Good review Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted December 23, 2005 Author Share Posted December 23, 2005 I am posting a little early so I can start my Yule celebration. Those who are going to be reviewed next should be warned that I will probably have a hangover next week. That isn't true, I never have hangovers. But hey, it's a good excuse. 24 December First, Happy Yule to my fellow Pagans. Merry Christmas to the Christians, Happy Hanukkah to the Jews, Solemn Tet to the Buddists Happy Boxing Day to Canadians From Lucas Forums Coruscant Entertainment Center Triumph of the Republic Alkonium http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=156087 Continuation of story Rescue from Mustafar The only complaints I have here are the same ones for Rescue from Mustafar.. Beyond that the action is excellent, storyline well done. Path of Betrayal Robqeldroma http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=156628 Set 50 years after KOTOR II: The Sith Lords A young man is sent on a spy mission to infiltrate the Mandalorians In the third section you misspelled feigning. No biggie. While I am surprised sometimes by how bad some writing can be, I am refreshed when I find excellent ideas done well. Rob except for some editing problems and some misspelling, I have nothing bad to say about it. Well done! Star Wars: Victim of Betrayal Sabretooth http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=155419 Sequel to Invisible Hope, concurrent with Revenge of the Sith When Order 66 was passed, some didn’t take it well.. The problem I have with Sabretooth’s work is it’s always good enough to keep me going, but he never writes it fast enough to keep me happy. Very Well done. You mentioned the KOTOR prequel, let me know when it’s started. From the Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater In My Father's Shadow Jedi Bounty http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=5070 The unknown daughter of Obi Wan Kenobi seeks her father even as evil forms around her. First, it’s great to have a story that suggests that even Obi Wan was a youngster. The writing is excellent, the idea superb, and like a lot of you kids, only marred by editing and spelling problems. Keep it up! All That Matters princess_Tranquility http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=5692 An alternate Universe version of Return of the Jedi. Fighting a debilitating illness, Luke moves toward reconciliation with his father. I don’t tend to like AU fiction but this is better than most I have read. As a possible outcome, it is well thought out. There was always the chance that Luke would either join his father, or the emperor. The writing style is a bit confusing, but not bad. Jedi Outcast: Unlikely Heroes Obi wan http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=5860 A team of unlikely heros must save the galaxy In writing there is the idea that you can take the story from a book and crossover into it from reality. The movie Galaxy Quest comes to mind. This is one of those stories. The basis being that the entire Star Wars universe is real and just over there in the unfashionable end of the galaxy resides our own Earth. If he had left it at that, all well and good. But he also had the ship land, be found by George Lucas who stole the idea for a series of moneymaking movies and sent it back off into space where it crash-landed on Earth yet again to pick up a bunch of kids. The style is pure Obi Wan Read my postings of his work from 5 November, 26 November and 16 December, needing polish more than anything else. From kotorfanmedia After the Star Forge azoq http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=413 As the teaser says; “So what does the most famous heroine in the galaxy do after she’s defeated Darth Malak, destroyed the Star Forge and saved the Republic?” “She goes on vacation,” I thought it was horrible yet funny to have the Rakata homeworld suddenly become the most popular tourist trap in the galaxy. The writing is well done, and using the younger girl as the main character after Revan and Carth a good choice. Especially with the child’s attitude that the Jedi are an evil Elf like group that steals children. Worth a look. Questions of Character jiara http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=500 After the destruction of the Star Forge, Carth asks Revan to marry him. The result... Jiara had a lot of fun mixing angst, romance, and humor in this one segment. Having HK47 straining and grinding trying to be nice was the perfect touch. 18 people gave this a thumbs up on the site. It deserved them. Silence Is Copper-toned Rose07 http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=564 listed as following ‘Future’s End” ”Slow Dissolve” and ”Lost and Found” by the same author, though it was posted before the last listed. With Katrina (Revan) going somewhere, her daughter by Carth Onasi reprograms HK47 with humorous results. She’s done it again! I have yet to read anything of Rose’s that I have not liked. I just wish I was as prolific. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 I'm beginning to think that you don't like me How come you haven't reviewed mine yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 cuz yours and mine are on the top of the page and the list of best fanfics *evil laughter* *thunder goes to slap me and JK707 again but i shoot it in the head before it's even close* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 um, FFWM12 is a she, Mach. maybe you should change that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabretooth Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 Well, I rarely find the time to write, but heck this thread is a real motivator device. Expect the next chapter in a few days, people. About my KotOR Prequel: I'm going to start it when I'm done with VoB (Which is not going to be too long). The prequel is set about a year before KotOR and is divided in two books: "The Rise of Ancete" and "The Fall of the Sith Lord". The first book focuses on Ancete as a strategist for an Exchange crime lord, and his rise from the lowly galactic mafia to the position of the Admiral of the Sith Fleet. The first book also looks at Revan's betrayal and Malak's grudges. The second book concentrates on the strategies and tactics employed by Revan and Ancete and the contradictory tactics of Malak and his grudges. It also features Bandon and sets up the ground for the situation of things in KotOR. The end of the second book will be just minutes before the beginning of KotOR. Whew... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkonium Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 Actually, Triumph of the Republic isn't actually done yet, so could you wait until it is before reviewing it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 cuz yours and mine are on the top of the page and the list of best fanfics *evil laughter* *thunder goes to slap me and JK707 again but i shoot it in the head before it's even close* Oh, that's why *I tsk you for shooting thunder, but secretly agree with you* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted December 24, 2005 Author Share Posted December 24, 2005 Actually, Triumph of the Republic isn't actually done yet, so could you wait until it is before reviewing it? Let me know, and I will read it all and review it again if you want. As for FFWM12, I apologize for changing her gender in my review. I have repaired the oversight,and she can put her skirt back on. It's just rare when I write something like this that the one I'm reviewing doesn't complain first. Bingle Jells Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkonium Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 I noticed you made no mention of the fact that in my story, the Republic and the Yuuzhan Vong are allies. Is this to avoid contoversy, or because you're indifferent to that part? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted December 26, 2005 Author Share Posted December 26, 2005 How much do you know about history, kid? England was our mortal enemy through two wars, and a bosom budy from then on. Germany the same. Russia was friend, enemy, then friend again. Considering when you have set it, a limited amount of working together made sense. I'm wondering if the alliance caused by the war between the Republic and Imperial Remnant will survive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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