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The Critic's 2 cents


have I been honest and not overly critical?  

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  1. 1. have I been honest and not overly critical?



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hehe, well, another advantage of proofreading is catching bits and pieces of your writing that don't entirely make a lot of sense. not only is proofreading better than spellcheck, it also gives you a chance to edit your work and make it better. this is especially true if you take a break for an hour or so and come back to the same part you just wrote. a new perspective can sometimes prove to be a valuable addition to an already great work. ;)

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If you actually read my segment Acceptance, you will notice that I rewrote the scene in the mess hall because the way I worded it originally, I suggested that she had to become a master of the force itself, rather than what I had meant, which is that some problems are easier to fix by paying attention to it, and dealing with it on a more mundane level.

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I still haven't figured out hyperlinking. The word processor in my computer refuses to accept that there is such a thing and sulks when I try to install it. My week was rather rushed with MLK day and my wife's tirade after getting her teeth fixed.

I promise, I'll try to do better.

 

Apprentice of Me

ExiledFish

http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=158232

 

A wounded Jedi returns to Telos. Set in KOTORII

 

Like a lot of you younger writers, EF is thinking and trying to write at the same speed. It doesn’t work, people. The human mind is like the turbine of a jet or a modern automobile engine. To get it to run something like a ship or a car, you have to use what are called reduction gears, taking the several thousand revolutions of the engine and reducing it to something the wheels can take.

Edit the work, re-write it, and especially check the spelling. Don’t try to write it as you see it, write it more carefully.

It was short, and the idea seemed good. Keep it up.

 

Star Wars: Knights Of The Old Republic: The Mandalorian Wars

Potsie

http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=158310

 

Set before KOTOR; as Revan tries to gain Jedi support, Admiral Saul Karath fights on.

 

Potsie, you haven’t given me enough to really get into this story. But the idea is good. You tend to jump around a bit, but not as bad as some I’ve seen. Slow down a bit, expand the segments and have clean breaks between them. Keep it up.

 

Mace Windu: Jedi Master Reborn

RC1162

http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=154601

 

Set after Mace Windu fell

 

A good view of the scramble that would have occurred after order 66 was passed. The pacing is good, and every bad thing I can think about had already been said before I got to chapter 4. I wish I had time to got through it and read it all, RC, but I have a ‘stone knives and bearskin’ landline.

 

From the Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater

 

 

Jedi Insurrection

Darth_Badman

http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=6055

 

Set 450 years before the formation of the Empire; what happens when politics controls the Jedi?

 

The story is well written, and is intriguing. The only question and complain I have is this;

Does our friend Darth Badman know what a Paragraph is?

 

Thoughts of One, Clone War Short Story

Obi-Wan

http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=6552

 

The thoughts of a Dark Jedi before a mission

Obi-wan has been reviewed by me before, and his style has not changed. The story is clean and crisp, and deserves to be completed.

 

Star Wars: Vader's Disciple

Darth_Badman

http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=6693

Three years before a New Hope; The thoughts of Vader’s apprentice

 

Everything I said above about this kid still stands. Once he learns what a spell-checker and paragraph are for he’ll go far.

 

From Kotorfanmedia

 

 

What Dreams May Come

wook

http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=624

Set in KOTOR; Revelations during the final battle may change Revan forever.

 

I had never seen the concept that Revan and Malak were siblings before. Just as I made them people who almost became lovers, wook made them brother and sister. An excellent concept, and excellent read.

 

RAMPAGE

Ghostie

http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=638

 

Set in KOTOR: A slight over reaction by a droid.

Everyone knows of the characters that merely pass through the story, mentioned, briefly interacted with, and then gone. Ghostie took one minor character, the droid from the tombs, and made a short story about it that is well worth reading.

 

Broken Images I

siempre

http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=663

 

Set after KOTOR I. A series of broken images put together in a story form.

Only two small vignettes, but such promise! Write more! Now!

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Star Wars: Knights Of The Old Republic: The Mandalorian Wars

Potsie

http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=158310

 

Set before KOTOR; as Revan tries to gain Jedi support, Admiral Saul Karath fights on.

 

Potsie, you haven’t given me enough to really get into this story. But the idea is good. You tend to jump around a bit, but not as bad as some I’ve seen. Slow down a bit, expand the segments and have clean breaks between them. Keep it up.

 

Thanks for your comments machievelli (I admit I need to improve in explanation). I will mainly explain the events of the Mandalorian Wars in my main Fanfic, Jorran Corral - The Chronicles Of A Jedi. I am planning one more Chapter where this Fanfic will end. This I suppose this is my lead up into a better story.

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I like the idea of a critic, but through a feedback system. If someone pasted on the homepage a critique about my mods, I would be very pissed.

 

Quote from one of machievelli's reviews:

A wounded Jedi returns to Telos. Set in KOTORII

Like a lot of you younger writers, EF is thinking and trying to write at the same speed. It doesn’t work, people. The human mind is like the turbine of a jet or a modern automobile engine. To get it to run something like a ship or a car, you have to use what are called reduction gears, taking the several thousand revolutions of the engine and reducing it to something the wheels can take.

Edit the work, re-write it, and especially check the spelling. Don’t try to write it as you see it, write it more carefully.

It was short, and the idea seemed good. Keep it up.

 

You encouraged him/her, and then you let everyone know his flaws... Now, I am a professional designer, and critiques are part of my everyday life. However, when I am doing something for fun, I get really ticked off if someone took the steam out of my buzz..

 

Another note:

I would only place a few critics up on the homepage at a time, for they are taking up too much space. LucasForums.com provides multiple levels of entertainment, and the critics are sometimes overwhelming.

 

Overall, I like your idea, but keep in mind that these people are just having fun. Give them professional feedback in their own threads. Let other people give feedback as well.

 

When it comes to the home page. Try to keep in mind that other news is just as important.

 

Keep up the work.... :)

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Mac, I am doing as I was asked.

When I was younger, I had people who read my stuff but weren't willing to complain about it because 'hey, I'm your friend, and and I don't want to hurt your feelings'. When I briefly taught a class on creative writing, I constantly ran into minor problems (The one you quoted is a common one) and found it's best to tell them. It might hurt their feelings a little, but I am also trying to teach them lessons I learned a long time ago. I noticed his problem because I did the same thing until I learned better.

 

A critic is supposed to be 'critical', hence the name. However I defy you to find one criticism that was a knife in the guts like most critics who actually get paid for it.

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Mac, I am doing as I was asked.

When I was younger, I had people who read my stuff but weren't willing to complain about it because 'hey, I'm your friend, and and I don't want to hurt your feelings'. When I briefly taught a class on creative writing, I constantly ran into minor problems (The one you quoted is a common one) and found it's best to tell them. It might hurt their feelings a little, but I am also trying to teach them lessons I learned a long time ago. I noticed his problem because I did the same thing until I learned better.

 

A critic is supposed to be 'critical', hence the name. However I defy you to find one criticism that was a knife in the guts like most critics who actually get paid for it.

Truthfuly, I didn't want to respond to anything for today. However, I thought you desirved an answer...

 

For the past few days, I have been stressing out on small anoyances. Disregard my original post...

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Mac, if I had a week, I could post every nasty reply I sent just in the last year because I was tired. No biggie

Suggestion Only!

When I look on StarWarsKnights.com, I noticed you keep chaning the tittle. When the mods are reported, they use the same tittle: 'Weekly Mod Reports'.

 

Did you ever think of using a title that is consistant each time you report?

 

For example:

 

'Fan-Fiction Report: Critique!'

'The Fan-Fiction Critic!"

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Suggestion Only!

When I look on StarWarsKnights.com, I noticed you keep chaning the tittle. When the mods are reported, they use the same tittle: 'Weekly Mod Reports'.

 

Did you ever think of using a title that is consistant each time you report?

 

For example:

 

'Fan-Fiction Report: Critique!'

'The Fan-Fiction Critic!"

 

Pfft. That's no fun. I personally like how he mixes it up :D Makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside :D I just hope that he gets around to reading mine :¬::lol: J/king I know your busy. Keep up the reviews Mach :D

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Suggestion Only!

When I look on StarWarsKnights.com, I noticed you keep chaning the tittle. When the mods are reported, they use the same tittle: 'Weekly Mod Reports'.

 

Did you ever think of using a title that is consistant each time you report?

 

For example:

 

'Fan-Fiction Report: Critique!'

'The Fan-Fiction Critic!"

 

Yes I did actually. But I was in a seriously playful mood when I started. After all, someone thought I was good enough to be a critic! Besides, they have six movies and about sixty book so far, so I was getting into the swing of things.

 

Don't worry, I was thinking of settling down anyway.

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he should scrap it and buy the latest gizmos, man. :D

good work anyway. though i think youll like my fic better if you go through it fully, wont take much time.

 

 

I can't afford the 'latest gizmos'. What happened is my flipping dog (Which my wife bought after the car was stolen) chewed through the only 50' phone cord we had so I was unable to even get online from here. Then, while able to contact Darth, I was unable to access the site because or parental controls on some of the advertising. We finally found a replacement so I am again back terrorizing the populace raping all the men and killing all the women (Wait a minute...)

 

As for reading the entire thing...

I try to spend less than eight hours putting together a review. Not because I don't like doing it but because I spend only five hours a day (None on the weekend except on rare cases) writing. That means out of 25 hours I already devote a third to this.

To read your work all the way through I would need a full copy sent to my listed e-mail so that I can read it at my leisure. Anyone who feels that I have not given thier work enough time can send it to me in this manner.

The reviews for this week will not be done. Instead I will do a review and publish it friday. Darth has suggested that instead of me figuring out what the (Bleep) is going wrong I will send it to her on wedensday, and she can post it if I cannot figure it out.

 

You guys keep writing...

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Well later today, after my feeble attempts to try and hyperlink the story titles, I will e-mail the review this week to Darth. But I will try to do it myself first.

I have noticed that three people out of 27 say go to hell. That's one in nine so far. With almost 1500 hits on the column so far, that means a lot of you haven't bothered to vote. Either you like what I'm doing or you can't be bothered.

Dylan, I will get to yours eventually. Promise.

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