Dagobahn Eagle Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 In an effort to lower divorce rates, I offer you [drumroll] The Good Wife's Guide! Don't all of you girls thank me at once. Snopes has it listed as "Undetermined", not "True", but it's still fairly awesome:). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CapNColostomy Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 Fairly awesome? Downplaying it a bit, aren't you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BongoBob Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 HAHAHA! Oh wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milo Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 Times have changed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthAve Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 ...This is from the 50's. Times have changed. Nobody's that perky anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samnmax221 Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 Nowadays my Microwave can do all those things for me, and I don't even have to be nice to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Devon Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 They left out 'remember that you are your husband's possession, not his wife'. I'm amazed that sort of thing was actually taught to teenage girls. It should be very funny if any female forumites view this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samnmax221 Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 It should be very funny if any female forumites view this... You forget, there are no girls on the internet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pie™ Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 You're saying you people don't treat your women like this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagobahn Eagle Posted September 16, 2006 Author Share Posted September 16, 2006 They left out 'remember that you are your husband's possession, not his wife'. I'm amazed that sort of thing was actually taught to teenage girls.Henrik Ibsen's "A Doll House" portrays this concept of a man "owning" his wife pretty well. What amazes me is that there are still societies out there that treat women like that. A Doll's House is still considered to be extremely controversial in many countries of the world. I found this 1943 Guide on how to hire women to be sufficiently related to the subject to be posted here:D. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 *Jae giggles and bats eyelashes* Oh, my, I have just a few moments in between feeding the babies and my darling husband to speak with all you wonderful men. Then I have to return to washing my clothes on the washboard because my wonderful husband had to buy a new car. I'm very happy that I don't have to learn how to drive that huge machine. I'm just not capable of such a difficult task. Fortunately, he drives me to the grocery store on Saturdays when he's home so that I can make sure to get everything we need for the week. Then I go home, make sure the children have had their baths and are now very quiet (I'm just delighted to report that Valium works very well for this) lest they disturb my wonderful husband. I'll starch and iron their clothes for church tomorrow after I sweep the kitchen floor and then scrub it on my hands and knees. Cleanliness is next to Godliness, you know! On Sundays, we all get dressed up. I put a little bow in Sally's hair and make sure her patent leather shoes are shiny. My wonderful husband helps Joey with his tie because I just can't seem to master such a difficult thing, being a woman and all. I put on my pearls so that I can go start a pot roast in the oven. That way, it's ready when we come home from church, because my wonderful husband does like to have his Sunday dinner right at 11:30 so that he can retire to the den at noon to watch the Chicago Bears. I just can't seem to figure out footbears, (or football?), so I'll look through my recipe books to determine what we should have for dinner next week. Fortunately, with my combination of smart shopping and coupons, I have a nice little nest-egg building up in an empty coffee can in the cupboard. After trying to figure out the meals, I'll call Marilyn so we can chat a little. Sometimes she comes to my house and we have coffee and cake, and sometimes I go to her place for tea and cookies. We can spend hours discussing the merits of different dishwashing detergents and how much bleach to use to clean the whites. We always make sure to be home for the children after school, of course, so that we can feed them and comb their hair before my wonderful husband comes home, and possibly give them Valium again so that they're quiet. I'll put a meal on the table for my wonderful husband and clean up after him once he's finished. I might even dab his chin with a napkin if I see a little dot of gravy there. He'll join the children to watch one of those cute little variety shows while I handwash all the dishes in the kitchen. Once I'm finshed with that and the children have been put to bed, I'll bring out his slippers for him and kneel down to put them on, making sure to put a tiny little kiss on his big toe. If he wiggles it and smiles at me, I know I'll be able to get to bed early that night instead of doing more chores!! Something just escapes my feminine mind, however, and that's how he and I have managed to create a couple of children. I just don't understand it. Oh well, no worrying about that. I have to get up early in the morning to make the five course breakfast that my wonderful husband needs to have the energy to make it through his work day. Then I have to make a full lunch for everyone to take with them to work and school. No bologna and Miracle Whip sandwiches for this family!! I give them hearty meals to carry them through the day. I also have to make sure the children are fed and dressed in time to catch the school bus. Once my morning chores are done, I take a little break for lunch. I always take it at 11:30 every day so that I never miss an episode of 'The Young and the Restless'. I just don't know how I could possibly live a day without knowing what happens to Mrs. Chancellor and Nikki and Victor. Then I take a little nap, because my wonderful husband just loves his bedtime constitutionals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pie™ Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 ^^^^^^ I am in awe. The best post I have ever come across. Are you available, btw? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Windu Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Shhh... lead her not into temptation. Women can't handle it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiE23 Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 My microwave knows it's place. It's above the stove. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrWally Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 *Jae giggles and bats eyelashes* Oh, my, I have just a few moments in between feeding the babies and my darling husband to speak with all you wonderful men. Then I have to return to washing my clothes on the washboard because my wonderful husband had to buy a new car. I'm very happy that I don't have to learn how to drive that huge machine. I'm just not capable of such a difficult task. Fortunately, he drives me to the grocery store on Saturdays when he's home so that I can make sure to get everything we need for the week. Then I go home, make sure the children have had their baths and are now very quiet (I'm just delighted to report that Valium works very well for this) lest they disturb my wonderful husband. I'll starch and iron their clothes for church tomorrow after I sweep the kitchen floor and then scrub it on my hands and knees. Cleanliness is next to Godliness, you know! On Sundays, we all get dressed up. I put a little bow in Sally's hair and make sure her patent leather shoes are shiny. My wonderful husband helps Joey with his tie because I just can't seem to master such a difficult thing, being a woman and all. I put on my pearls so that I can go start a pot roast in the oven. That way, it's ready when we come home from church, because my wonderful husband does like to have his Sunday dinner right at 11:30 so that he can retire to the den at noon to watch the Chicago Bears. I just can't seem to figure out footbears, (or football?), so I'll look through my recipe books to determine what we should have for dinner next week. Fortunately, with my combination of smart shopping and coupons, I have a nice little nest-egg building up in an empty coffee can in the cupboard. After trying to figure out the meals, I'll call Marilyn so we can chat a little. Sometimes she comes to my house and we have coffee and cake, and sometimes I go to her place for tea and cookies. We can spend hours discussing the merits of different dishwashing detergents and how much bleach to use to clean the whites. We always make sure to be home for the children after school, of course, so that we can feed them and comb their hair before my wonderful husband comes home, and possibly give them Valium again so that they're quiet. I'll put a meal on the table for my wonderful husband and clean up after him once he's finished. I might even dab his chin with a napkin if I see a little dot of gravy there. He'll join the children to watch one of those cute little variety shows while I handwash all the dishes in the kitchen. Once I'm finshed with that and the children have been put to bed, I'll bring out his slippers for him and kneel down to put them on, making sure to put a tiny little kiss on his big toe. If he wiggles it and smiles at me, I know I'll be able to get to bed early that night instead of doing more chores!! Something just escapes my feminine mind, however, and that's how he and I have managed to create a couple of children. I just don't understand it. Oh well, no worrying about that. I have to get up early in the morning to make the five course breakfast that my wonderful husband needs to have the energy to make it through his work day. Then I have to make a full lunch for everyone to take with them to work and school. No bologna and Miracle Whip sandwiches for this family!! I give them hearty meals to carry them through the day. I also have to make sure the children are fed and dressed in time to catch the school bus. Once my morning chores are done, I take a little break for lunch. I always take it at 11:30 every day so that I never miss an episode of 'The Young and the Restless'. I just don't know how I could possibly live a day without knowing what happens to Mrs. Chancellor and Nikki and Victor. Then I take a little nap, because my wonderful husband just loves his bedtime constitutionals. O_O You should write a book. I'd become a world-wide best seller. I garuntee it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Devon Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Wahahahahahahahaha! You just HAVE to show that to Jimbo. I'm serious. I'm just delighted to report that Valium works very well for this Anxiolytic benzodiazepine derivative anticonvulsant sedatives sound like they work well on small children... *Jae giggles and bats eyelashes* all you wonderful men Tut tut, That's not very becoming of a faithful wife. I'm very happy that I don't have to learn how to drive that huge machine. My wonderful husband helps Joey with his tie because I just can't seem to master such a difficult thing, being a woman and all. We can spend hours discussing the merits of different dishwashing detergents and how much bleach to use to clean the whites. I might even dab his chin with a napkin if I see a little dot of gravy there. Something just escapes my feminine mind, however, and that's how he and I have managed to create a couple of children. I just don't know how I could possibly live a day without knowing what happens to Mrs. Chancellor and Nikki and Victor. Those lines had me laughing the loudest... Oh, my, I have just a few moments in between feeding the babies and my darling husband to speak with all you wonderful men. Then I have to {snip} It's wonderful to hear about your life, Jae, but you never actually got around to speaking to us for a few moments... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jebbers Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Yes times have changed but the children haven't. I see they raided dad looking for money then just like kids do today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Wahahahahahahahaha! You just HAVE to show that to Jimbo. I'm serious. Anxiolytic benzodiazepine derivative anticonvulsant sedatives sound like they work well on small children... *Jae has a confused female look* Oh, I'll have to take your word for that then and try it out. Valium works well, too! Tut tut, That's not very becoming of a faithful wife. Aw, you and Pie are so cuuuuute.... He always says we can look at the menu, as long as we don't order.... Those lines had me laughing the loudest... You know, something that I just can't get through my fluffy little brain is how exactly bleach works. And why does it smell so funny, unless you get the floral scent (which I just adore, since it's so feminine!)? I just couldn't understand why I was getting so many holes in my clothes until Marilyn told me that I really should only use half a cup in the wash, not half a bottle. Silly me. It's wonderful to hear about your life, Jae, but you never actually got around to speaking to us for a few moments... Oh, dear. My little female brain had a little cramp again. I think I'll go bake some cookies now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Devon Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 . A very complex thing you did there, realizing : and D can go together to make a smiley... Oh, I'll have to take your word for that then and try it out. Valium works well, too! Anxiolytic benzodiazepine derivative anticonvulsant skeletal muscle relaxant insomnia sedative! It can be used before endoscopies, is also known as diazepam, is a benzodiazepine, causes inhibitory effects, and can be administered orally, intravenously, and intramuscularly. Withdrawl effects can indlude dysphoria, insomnia, REM rebound, hyperthermia, hypotension and some other things... Aw, you and Pie are so cuuuuute.... He always says we can look at the menu, as long as we don't order.... Yes, Sith Lords who conceal their faces behind large black hoods and people with very strange grins must look wonderful! Oh, dear. My little female brain had a little cramp again. I think I'll go bake some cookies now. There it went again! You were going to speak with all the woderful men here about something, though you were carried away with describing your lifestyle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coupes. Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 OMG ! That has got to be one of the best post I've seen is a long time Jae ! This thread is now made of pure awesome because of you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BongoBob Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthAve Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Jae. I'm partailly inspired to throw away all my independant hopes and dreams, get over my fear of childbirth, find an adorable husband and become a housewife living the suburban mid 1950's lifestyle!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo_92 Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I'm totally against the fact that When I'm In the Mall Some dude will say "she's hot" (not to me but a girl) I think Girls would want to be called Beautiful instead of "hot". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toms Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I can't believe Jae managed to type all of that with prefect spelling, punctuarin and grammar! Not sure i've EVER managed a post with all of those! Though I guess she might hae been taught typing at school, its one of the few skills a good woman needs, alomg with cooking and cleaning of course. Having a cold drink ready when i get home from work would be SO awesome. I'm gonna have to have a stern word, i'm obviusly not getting prober service from my girlfriend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BongoBob Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I can't believe Jae managed to type all of that with [/i]prefect spelling, punctuarin[/i] and grammar! Not sure i've EVER managed a post with all of those! Nope Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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