stingerhs Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 hey, i need a bit of help here, and i'm a bit curious about some of your opinions as well. anyways, i have a couple of close friends of mine that hurt themselves for "stress relief" or depression relief, depending on how they word it. they're all female, and what they're doing is using a blade to cut themselves or using a pointy object such as a needle or a thin nail to pierce themselves. the intent, i guess, is to cause enough pain so that they get some kind of relief from whatever they're going through. IMHO, i don't think that its a healthy habit. they are hurting themselves, and in particular, one girl ended up having to see a doctor after a hole that she "pinned" through her arm ended up getting very badly infected. my problem is that i don't really know what to do. they are my friends, but although i've pointed out that its probably not a good idea to do it, i haven't really told them that they need to stop because it can be a sensitive issue for some. i know that some of them do go through some tough situations either at home or with other relationships, but i don't see where that's really justification for hurting themselves physically. anyways, what are your opinions on the matter, and what kind of advice can you guys offer me on how to help them out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Doctor Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I am in a similar situation, where a number of females I know come to me about problems they have with their boyfriends, parents, etc., and they also resort to self-harm as a method of coping. Sometimes, the best thing to do is dish out some tough love. One girl who's come to me repeatedly finally dealt with her problems after I told her to, and I quote, "Get the hell over yourself and grow up". It did a world of good for her. Might not help so much with your situation, though. Be a good friend. Let them come to you, talk to you, and just vent. Sometimes that's all they need. But if, after a few months, things aren't starting to look better, then send them off to seek professional help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
axel Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 yeah same problem at my school. See thing is they think they have horable lifes and they are hated by every one. i quote this from my school btw this was a FEMALE! :I hate my life my parents grounded me the whole school year for punching my mom in the stomach: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i screamed at her. Number one her life is not horable. number 2 DONT be suprised if you get grounded for punching your parents. These dumb little "problems" they think they have are no reason to go hack their arms off. They just need to get over it and live like normal people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingerhs Posted April 30, 2007 Author Share Posted April 30, 2007 ^^^^ you're not exactly getting the point. when i say that they're going through some bad situations, i'm not kidding. some of it is their fault, but its definitely not all their fault. i won't go into details as i respect their privacy, but there is a reason why i'm asking about this. its a sensitive issue for them, and i just don't know what else i can do without pushing them away unintentionally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth InSidious Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I usually find having a flaming row useful. Provided the person you have it with understands that it is purely therapeutic, it shouldn't do any harm to your relationship. It is very cathartic, usually. I'm assuming prayer isn't an option for these people? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentScope001 Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Or punch a pillow? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MTV2 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 have sex, play video games, go out, party, go see a good(not depressing) movie, go to a firing range, go to the gym, listen to music, watch TV. probably wouldn't want to drink alot or do hard drugs, since they take you down to a lower level afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Your friends who are cutting need counseling very badly, stingerhs, and probably anti-depressants. They're using inappropriate and very unhealthy coping mechanisms for their problems, which likely are pretty bad. Some of the kids who are into cutting are depressed enough to consider suicide, so it's not something that they should take lightly. If there's some way to bring it to the attention of the college counselor, that's probably the best thing you could do in this case. Edit: Cutting info and more info. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Jae is right, its not something to be taken lightly. They need to get some kind of help because it could lead to further depression. Recommend it to them and if they push help away I would get help for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Point Man Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Self injury is a serious matter. It is a very unhealthy way to deal with stress. Do whatever you can to get these friends into counseling. They may at first be mad at you, but your first duty as a friend is to try to get them to stop hurting themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabretooth Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 That's bad. I've heard of self-piercing during depression but have never figured out why they do it? Aggravating pain makes it lighter? Atleast not in my case. I would suggest counselling first-off. And after that recommend them other stress-busting methods, like fix them up a hobby, like video games, crosswords, Su-do-ku or you get the point. Are these friends of your teenagers? (can be fifteen times tougher with us teenagers, you know) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue15 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 tell them to run a few miles or ride a bike. that helps my depression. but if they insist on using knives and needles, insist they pour lemon juice into it for a nice citrus sensation. i am only kidding, don't do that! tell them to seek professional help, also talking with them helps more than you realize. hang out alot and call them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samnmax221 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 You ought to recommend they get some help, I'd also recomend you subtly get them to watch Harold and Maude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue15 Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 another great stress relief is water, that will unclog your brain from those self-abusive thoughts. riding bike is definitely my favorite stress relief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Devon Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Personally I find getting into violent arguments to be a good stress reliever... You can get really caught up in it and feel great when you win. That and it's an excellent way to vent your frustration at people. Either that or some other way to distract yourself. Reading a good book or playing a video game works with me, though if your friends are cutting themselves I don't think any of the options I listed would do much good. Let us know how it turns out for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 That's bad. I've heard of self-piercing during depression but have never figured out why they do it? Aggravating pain makes it lighter? If someone cuts themselves and feels pain externally, it temporarily takes their mind off of the internal pain that they're feeling. Obviously it's not a healthy way of dealing with the internal pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negative Sun Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 Since I am very aware of this situation but I also respect people's privacy all I will say is: Follow Jae's advice stingerhs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingerhs Posted May 2, 2007 Author Share Posted May 2, 2007 well, i've made some progress with at least one of the girls concerning the cutting. i confronted her about it, and i managed to get into a good discussion about what was going on with her. since i see her on a regular basis, we both made an agreement that we would be accountability partners: i would check in on her to make sure that she not cutting herself, and she would check in with me on one of my personal problems. as for the other girls that i know, i'll be making an effort to confront them about their problem as per y'alls advice. anyways, thanks for the links and the sharing of your opinions on the matter. i do appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negative Sun Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 One more thing stingerhs: trying to help these people makes you a good person, remember that, even if you don't succeed...In the end they must be willing to help themselves, which is usually the trickiest part of that. I know it well, cause I've been through depression myself, it's hard to accept help from other people when you don't even feel like helping yourself... What you are doing is good, don't patronize them, be there for them, open up to them, show your own vulnerable side, only then will you get the same in return to be able to help them... [/Dr Phil mode] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 Even if you are an accountability partner with this girl, stingerhs, I'd still urge her to get professional help. Having accountability with you is great, but it should be part of a broader treatment plan with someone who has had professional experience treating this condition. If it makes you feel any better, I as an eye doc would have my friend get help with a mental health professional, because I'm not really qualified to treat the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingerhs Posted May 3, 2007 Author Share Posted May 3, 2007 ^^^^ hey, i agree. but i'm also a believer in taking things one step at a time in some cases. this case in particular is a rather sensitive one because of her situation at home, and i know that trying to take this in front of her parents would only make matters worse for her. believe me, i will do what i can, but sometimes you have to take a less direct approach to the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth_Nihilus Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 well I have people that I now that do that and there all female...their like that when they are mad, sad, or have problems with family or friends, cuting yourself for them is like a drug, it good for them its like crying when you cant or they just like the felling, what you can do is talk to them so that they can get it all out, you fell deter is you talk about it no...if they don't lisen...kik their ass ^^thats my opinion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negative Sun Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 If it makes you feel any better, I as an eye doc would have my friend get help with a mental health professional, because I'm not really qualified to treat the problem. Jae, what do you do for a living? (if you don't mind me asking) I'm confused... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 Jae, what do you do for a living? (if you don't mind me asking) I'm confused... Eye doc. I came up through the ranks, though. I also did a little EMT work and some nursing school, and worked in hospitals while in college/professional school to help offset some of the bills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negative Sun Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 Cool, well I work at an opticians...We've got two full time opticians working there and about to expand soon...That's why I wondered hehe For some reason I thought you were a lawyer lol Anyways, back to topic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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