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Okay, this time I'm not gonna do the work. :dozey: I'm paying someone else to do it.

 

Basically, I've come to a couple of realizations lately. A: I'm not into the battle hack (although I think it's great for those who do use it) and B: I have 1029 gil. Needless to say, the money is worthless to me, since I'm not likely to visit the itemshop any time soon. :dozey: Or is it?

 

Here's the deal: I will pay 1029 gil to the first Aresener who amuses me. :D That's all I want--a good laugh. Ray performs his jester's office well, but today I fancy the amusement of seeing poor, starving battle hackers scrambling over each other to tell their jokes to the emperor. You can try as many times as you want, but I'll choose a winner in exactly 48 hours.

 

Okay...I'll do the first one. :rolleyes:'A rock star, a gay dude and a child molester walk into a bar...oh, wait! It was just one dude.'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:max: That's it, joke over. Now--amuse me!

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you know i used to be a be surgeon, not for very long though. my first job was a circumcision but my hand slipped and i got the sack.

 

drowning.. water way to go

 

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One stops and says to the other:

''Does this taste funny to you?''

 

 

you're so ugly, your dog has to close its eyes when it humps your leg!

 

 

a dyslexic walks into a bra

 

 

 

 

 

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

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Originally posted by Zoom Rabbit

I will pay 1029 gil to the first Aresener who amuses me. :D That's all I want--a good laugh. Ray performs his jester's office well, but today I fancy the amusement of seeing poor, starving battle hackers scrambling over each other to tell their jokes to the emperor. You can try as many times as you want, but I'll choose a winner in exactly 48 hours.[/i]

 

how do i check MY gil? (just wondering..)

 

i'm not gonna take part of this contest..

 

but here is my "1. try":

 

-a horse enters a bar. the bartender to the horse: why the long face?

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Many others before me have said there is no spoon.

 

I plan to disprove that theory(blashemphous and heathenistic as it is). The spoon is in every. They really stick a spoon into the liver for no reason other than that they will never be without a spoon. The organ damage is well worth it, as wouldnt you(and you do,actually. I know you dont. Dont deny the truth!) be happy to disaprove anyone who said there is no spoon?

 

(takes a sip of Aresen water, and dazes off again)

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who knows this one..

 

 

a man came to a circus. he went to the director of the circus and asked for a job. the director asked the man if he could give an example of his performance. "of course" said the man. so he started to flap wild with his arms.. so heavy that he finally raised into the air and flew once around the whole circus tent.

then he flew back to the director and landed smoothly in front of him. "so, what do you think?" asked the man. the director looked at him and said: "is that all you can offer? .. bird imitation?"

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Originally posted by Zoom Rabbit

.. 1029 gil to the first Aresener who amuses me ..

 

.. today I fancy the amusement of seeing poor, starving battle hackers scrambling over each other to tell their jokes to the emperor. You can try as many times as you want, but I'll choose a winner in exactly 48 hours ..

 

..

 

Now--amuse me!

 

:dozey:

 

Originally posted by The Master

The Master is not amused.

 

Let me give you people a little hint on funny.

 

Don't use jokes. That just shows your trying too hard. Use humor naturally in your speech and maybe you'll have a little more success.

 

 

This is a message from The Master. Heed it or feed it.

 

 

:rolleyes:

 

*later in that thread.. *

 

crime scene, police lights flashing, the officer is around

 

officer: so explain me, how does this knife came into The Masters back?

ron jasey (name changed by the editorial staff): someone must have tucked it in there, mr. officer!

 

..

:xp:

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Originally posted by The Master

The Master is not amused.

 

Let me give you people a little hint on funny.

 

Don't use jokes. That just shows your trying too hard. Use humor naturally in your speech and maybe you'll have a little more success.

 

 

This is a message from The Master. Heed it or feed it.

 

Is he bucking for Zoom's gil too? I canna' tell. But I do want to observe a Master's sparkling wit in action. DO, lovey. Use your humor naturally. :p

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A) TYRION!!!!! *nails Ty to the floor* :xp:

 

B) I rather like Reclaimer's sig this time around ;)

 

C) You just watch, it's gonna turn out Reclaimer's idiocity is all just an act, and he's conducting an intensive psychological study of...erm...reactions to stupidity :xp:

 

:D

 

Andy: That was pretty funny. ;)

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I was a little bit bored since my other boards are a little bit dead, so maybe two or three jokes can help me to do something better until my I find something else to do:p

 

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch. The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender: "I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!" Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch. The patron takes a sip...same reaction. But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron. Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied. All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says: "Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out. "It tastes like piss," he shoots back at the drunk. The drunk replies: "It is. How old am I?"

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual. "Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday" Each time he says the word he drinks the beer. Then he pays and walks out.

 

One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing. The bartender watches him go through the same ritual. Curious, he asks the bloke why.

 

"Well" the guy says, "I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia. We have our birthdays on the same day. We can't be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other. We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18"

 

The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers. The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say "Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday!"

 

The bartender asks "so which one died?"

 

"No one."

 

"But you only ordered two drinks!"

 

"Yeah, well, I've given up drinking."

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a glass of beer, and the bartender says, "That'll be four cents, please."

 

The guy nearly spits out his beer. "Four cents?!" he says in amazement. "How much for a plate of fish and chips with extra mashed potatoes and gravy and a side order of peas?"

 

"Eleven cents," says the bartender.

 

The customer says he's going to recommend this place to all of his friends because of the low prices. "Wow!" he exclaims. "Where's the manager so I can thank him for these low prices and shake his hand?"

 

"Upstairs," says the bartender, "with my wife."

 

"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" the customer asks.

 

"Same thing I'm doing to his bar and his money," the bartender calmly replies.

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