Master Jimmy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Inspired by a thread I started at Bastila Shan Web, Here you can post some funny lines or conversations you heard from movies Full Metal Jacket: I AM GONNA RIP YOUR BALLS OFF SO YOU CANNOT CONTAMINATE THE REST OF THE WORLD!!! Hartman: Do you suck d***s? Pyle: Sir, no sir! Hartman: Bulls**t, I'll bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose! Your days of fingerbaning old Mary Jane Rottencrotch are over! Joker: Is that you John Wayne? Is this me? Hartman: Who said that? Who the f**k said that? Who's the stupid little c*cksucker who just signed his own death warrant? Was it you, you scroungy little f**k? Cowboy: Sir, no sir! Hartman: I'll bet it was you! Joker: Sir, I said it sir! The Mummy: Evelyn: You know the way to Hamunaptra? Rick: yes Evelyn: You swear? Rick: Every damn day. Mortal Kombat: Liu Kang: You want me to carry your luggage? Johnny Cage: Yeah, I pay money, you carry bags, or is that too complicated? Liu: No, I got it. (Liu takes one of Johnny's bags and throws it in the ocean after taking his money) Johnny: Thank god I didn't ask him to park the car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Sitherino Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 THERE'S A SNAKE IN MY BOOT! - Woody . I win, game over, insert coin to replay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Jimmy Posted July 2, 2006 Author Share Posted July 2, 2006 Sarge from toy story is actually Hartman from FMJ Mortal Kombat: Sonya Blade: You are the most egotistical, self-deluded person I have ever met Johnny Cage: Yeah? Well you forgot good looking. FMJ: Hartman: If god wanted you up there, he would've miracled your ass up there. If there was some pussy up there, you would've made it to the top of my obstacle by now! Pyle: Sir, yes sir! Animal Mother: I'll tear you a new ass hole. Joker: But then you'll have to eat the rice from my s**t. ANYONE WHO RUNS IS A VC, ANYONE WHO STANDS IS A WELL DISCAPLINED VC! The Mickey Mouse song Joker's squad sings when he leaves "The World of S**t" (Battlefield) Hartman: You are not even human f**king beings, you are nothing but un-organized, grabastic pieces of anphibian s**t! Everyone: SIR, YES SIR! Hartman: Did your parents have any children that lived? Pyle: Sir, yes sir! Hartman: I bet they regret that! You're so ugly you can be a modern art masterpiece! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ztalker Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Snatch has the most momorable quotes imo... Avi: Should I call you Bullet? Tooth? Bullet Tooth Tony: You can call me Susan if it makes you happy. Brick Top: In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... come again. Avi: You got a toothbrush? We're going to London. Do you hear that, Doug? I'm coming to London. [Avi arrives in London] Doug the Head: Avi. Avi: Shut up and sit down, you big, bald ****. I don't like leaving my country Doug, and I especially don't like leaving it for anything less then sandy beaches, and cocktails with little straw hats. Doug the Head: Avi, we have sandy beaches... Avi: So? Who the **** wants to see 'em? Policeman: So, what you doin here? Turkish: I'm taking the dog for a walk. What's the problem? Policeman: What's in the car? Turkish: Seats and a steering wheel. Vinny: What the **** do you mean, replicas? Sol: They look the ****, don't they? And nobody is gonna argue. And I've got some extra loud blanks, just in case. Vinny: In... Oh, in case we have to deafen them to death? Errol: Are you Turkish? Turkish: Well I'm not ****in' Greek now, am I? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Team America Spotswood: He's one hundred percent dedicated, he proved it last night by sucking my c**k. Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Marvin: I've been talking to the ship's computer. Trillian: And? Marvin: It hates me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace MacLeod Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 From "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang": Harry: Don't worry, I saw Lord of the Rings. I'm not going to end this 17 times. Harmony: Well, for starters, she's been f****d more times than she'd had hot meals. Harry: Yeah, I heard about that. It was neck-and-neck and then she skipped lunch. Perry: Did your dad love you? Harry: Only when I dressed up like a beer bottle, how about you? Perry: Well, he used to beat me in morse code, so it's possible. From "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut": Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German "scheisse" video, you'd...you'd tell me, right? Mrs. Cartman: (short pause) Sure, hon. Dr. Doctor. I have some bad news. We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds to live. Canadian Minster for Movies: Now now, the Canadian government has apologised for Bryan Adams on several occasions. Sheila Brovlofski: What the heck is a rim-job? Mrs. Cartman: Oh, why that's when you put your legs behind your head and have someone lick your ass! Teacher: And for the State Finals, spelll forensics! Kid: Well, f*ck that, why should I f*cking have to spell forensics? (kids all cheer) Kid: Here ya go, S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S. Forensics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Jimmy Posted July 2, 2006 Author Share Posted July 2, 2006 Scarface: Immigration Officer #1: What about homosexuality Tony? Do you like other men? Tony Montana "Scarface": What the f**k is wrong with this guy man? You kidding me, or what? Immigration Officer #2: Just answer the questions Tony. Tony: Okay, no. F**k no! FMJ: Hartman: What's your excuse, private? Cowboy: Sir, excuse for what sir? Hartman: I'm asking the f**king questions here private, understand? Cowboy: Sir, yes sir! Hartman: Well thank you very much can I be incharge for a while? Where the hell are you from anyway Cowboy: Sir, Texas sir! Harman: Holy dog s**t Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas private cowboy, and you don't much look like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck d***s? Cowboy: Sir, no sir! Hartman: Are you a Peter Puffer? Cowboy: Sir, no sir! Hartman: I bet you're the kind of guy who would f**k a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach around. Cowboy: Sir, no sir. Hartman: How tall are you private? Cowboy: Sir, 5`9 sir! Hartman: 5`9, I didn't know they stacked s**t that high, you tryin' to sqeeze an inch in on me, huh? Cowboy: Sir, no sir! Hartman: I bet the best part of you went down the wrong crack of your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the matress, I think you've been cheated. I'll be watching you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 These are a bit on the 'blue material' side of things for a PG-13 forum, don't you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TSR Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 "do i really need to drink my own urine? no, but its sterile and i like the taste" the ultimate "dodgeball" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Sitherino Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 These are a bit on the 'blue material' side of things for a PG-13 forum, don't you think? I'm confused as to why they try to top my quote. It'll only end in pain children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TSR Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 "somebody's poisoned the water hole" take that! the woody quotes start to tumble in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milo Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 The Three Amigos. "Hold it right there, or I'll pump you so full of lead you'll be using your d*** for a pencil!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samnmax221 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Nice Beaver -Naked Gun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Det. Bart Lasiter Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 "You can't hit me! I have five hundred times faster reflexes then Mike Tyson!" -Random character from Versus who is shot with a large rifle moments later Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REDJOHNNYMIKE Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I AM MRS. NESBIT!!!! (woody can't fall with soul) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samnmax221 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before? Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before. Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked? -Airplane! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Det. Bart Lasiter Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before? Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before. Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked? -Airplane! Captain Oveur: "Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedHawke Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Captain Oveur: "Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison?" Captain Oveur: "Joey, do you like movies about Gladiators?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ztalker Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Hannibal the cannibal... Since we are quoting sick quotes anyway Hannibal Lecter: On a similar note I must confess to you, I'm giving very serious thought... to eating your wife. Mason Verger: So what do ya think, Cordell? Does Lecter want to **** her or kill her or eat her alive? Cordell Doemling: Probably all three, though I wouldn't want to predict in what order. Hannibal Lecter: Mason Verger doesn't want to kill me any more than I want to kill him. He just wants to see me suffer in some unimaginable way. He is rather twisted, you know. And of course: The Silence of the lambs! Hannibal Lecter: A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. Dr. Frederick Chilton: I am going to show you why we insist on such precautions. On the evening of July 8th, 1981, he complained of chest pains and was taken to the dispensary. His mouthpiece and restraints were removed for an EKG. When the nurse leaned over him, he did this to her. [pulls out photo] Dr. Frederick Chilton: The doctors managed to reset her jaw more or less. Saved one of her eyes. His pulse never got above 85, even when he ate her tongue. Sorry if that upset you guys... it's just the kind of thriller i like, with all the nice quotes and acting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TSR Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 youre a twisted person... "if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!" best logic EVER Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I'm confused as to why they try to top my quote. They have aspirations to 'Be Like Sith.' @Ztalker--sick movie, but acted with such amazing skill.... MST3K spoofs Big Man on Campus: Main character has just planned a heist down to the very last detail, but when he tries to do the heist, he gets stopped by a crossing train, which blows his timetable. Main character: "God help us!" Crow (voice dripping with sarcasm): "Oh yeah, like with wars, famine, and poverty, God really cares about your little heist." Airplane: 3 Air traffic controllers are reading the headlines of a newspaper about the plane that's going to crash Controller 1: Plane Sure to Crash! Controller2: Passengers Doomed! Johnny: (flips newspaper): There's a Sale at Penney's! And of course, the one in my sig--I had taped the show, and when that one came on, I had to stop the tape and laugh for 10 minutes before I could restart the tape again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace MacLeod Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 From "Chopper": Cop: So then you took him to the hospital? Chopper: NO I didn't take him to the bloody hospital...?! I mean, why would I shoot a fella *bang* then stick him in a car and go whizzing off to the hospital? It defeats the entire purpose of having shot him! And what's more, that's bloody insulting! Am I the only standover man in the country running a medical plan for these characters? Who am I, Mark Brandon "Medicare" Read?! From "Up In Smoke": Cheech: What's in this joint, man...? Chong: It's mostly maui wowie but part Labrador. Cheech: Labrador? What's that? Chong: Well, my dog ate my stash, man, so I had to, like, follow him around for three days with little baggies to get it all back. From "Spaceballs": Colonel Saunders: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Scary Movie 3 Cindy: Why am I here? The Architect: You are an eventuality of an anomaly. You are inexorably seeking sedulent probability. Cindy: ??? (Looks at him, confused) The Architect: No? How about... Contingent affirmation? That's gotta mean something! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeremia Skywalk Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Detroit Rock City: i dont remember names of the characters, but who cares. Guy #1: I hate Stellas as much as i hate dogs. Guy #2: Same species when you come to think about it. Jim: (..) It's a give and take relationship. Guy# 1: Yea, she gives you **** and you take it. Father Bernard: Ten dollars. And I'm donating your tip to the church. Father Bernard (after eating da funky pizza): The Prodigal Son is a barrel of f*cking monkies(hahaha) Guy # 1: How's it going, Padre? Father: Woah! I just heard you talking through my nose! *laugh* Guy # 1: We are here to take our friend, Jim to the satanic band KISS concert, if that is okay with you. Father: Satan... Satan. Satan? Santa! Woah! Those are the same letters! They're same guy! Guy # 1: Man, what's wrong with you? You gotta thing for that... Thing? Guy# 2: Disco blows dogs for (something) Stella # 1: That was an intelligent remark with an irony? Guy# 1: Well if you dont find that funny, maybe it will be funny when we will kick your f*cking a$$ out of the car Stella # 1: Why don't you put your money where your mouth is? Guy #1: Why don't you lick my hairy **** Stella #1: Why dont you bend over, you are looking right at it. Jim, Guys # 1,2 and 3, Stella#1: ... Guy # 3: The last one landed about 30 yards away from any sense whatsoever. Guy# 2(after finding out kiss tickets are gone): Maybe we should like beat up some little kids and take their tickets? Guy# 1: Brilliant, f*cking brilliant, hey, Jim, why don't you GIVE THE F*CKINBG NOBEL PRIZE TO THE F*CKING EINSTEIN! Welll those aint the best parts, but the movie itself is funny as hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Jimmy Posted July 4, 2006 Author Share Posted July 4, 2006 Scary Movie: Doofy: Mom says to treat me with respect when I wear the badge Buffy: Mom says to stop sticking your d*** in the vacuum cleaner. Officers: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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