Bullying in Schools

[*Don*]

Every state in the US (and many countries out side of it) have anti-bullying laws that "protect" students from getting bullied by other children.

 

For example, in New Jersey, if one is found guilty of bullying, he or she is immediately suspended and faces a hearing in front of the Board of Education.

 

Although this may seem as the "right thing" to do, I can't help but wonder as to whether this is detrimental to the child's growth.

 

Standing up to bullies has been a long part of childhood culture and is manytimes considered a quasi "rite-of-passage". By overcoming a bully, a child gains self esteem and builds up confidence. However, if a teacher has to intervene and suspend the bully, the child will probably feel inferior and additionally get labeled as a "rat" and "snitch" by his peers.

 

So, all in all, should schools enforce such strict measures, or should they let the children handle it by themselves?

[Jae Onasi]

I was one of the youngest and smaller kids in my junior high. I was awkward, had horribly thick glasses, geeky, and intelligent at a time where it wasn't valued nearly as much for girls to be intelligent. I got picked on on a very regular basis, and it was not an innocuous thing. It took me a long time to come out of my shell after the miserable junior high experience. It would have been nice to have learned some confidence to stand up for myself, but a. I didn't even know how to begin do it because I didn't have the skills at that point, and b. I didn't have enough friends to stand up for me to protect me if the bullies got others to gang up on me after I showed said self-confidence.

 

Do you know what we call it if adults threaten each other with violence or commit said 'bullying' violence? We call it assault and battery. If we don't consider that acceptable for adults, why in the world would we ever consider that acceptable for children to do?

 

We teach our children not to hurt each other, lie, steal, and a variety of other negative behaviors. We need to teach them not to bully each other, too.

 

So, yes, the schools need to establish guidelines for behavior, and they need to enforce them. The learning environment needs to be a safe place for kids to go.

[Det. Bart Lasiter]

I've always been pro-Battle Royale.

[True_Avery]

My little cousin, about 11 years old, was ganged up on after school recently and had the crap beaten out of him by boys larger than he was. He went to the school, but the school said that since it was after school it was out of their hands. So, these kids are getting away with ganging up on people simply because the authorities don't think it is worth their time.

 

Did that make him stronger? I doubt it. He had the crap beaten out of him and nobody did a thing about it.

 

Take in mind: What does that teach our kids about the justice system? He is a good kid, but I am curious as to how he views the authorities now. Sure, the school took a hands off approach. What happened? He got beaten up, the kids got away with it, and in the end nothing was solved.

 

It is good to stand up to those who bully you. But a bully, at least most, are kids who think they have nothing to lose and inflict pain on others. You can stand up to them, but life isn't like a sitcom. I've seen kids stand up to bullys and still get the crap beaten out of them, because the kid who is bullied is usually the smaller one.

 

That seems to be the case for boys. For girls, the bullying takes place in the mind. That is something that is infinity harder to stand up to, and harder to place judgment on. How do you punish someone for saying words from the position of a principle? What price do you put on emotional distress?

 

On the other hand, standing up to a bully can help. In my ROP class in my Junior year, I sat next to some guy who kept mocking me and my friend. I stood up and yelled at him in the middle of class one day. He told me to watch my back, I laugh, and from that day forward he never messed with me again. I did get in trouble with my teacher, but at least my teacher was willing to also punish the guy for being a pain.

 

I'll tell you now though: If I were to do that same thing as an adult, I'd be put on trial. Things are different after you leave school, and some habits you should just leave there and be done with.

 

Standing up with words is one thing. Fighting back fist-to-fist is another. If you are suggesting that schools should to become a battle royal where the kids solve everything, then I must say I disagree with you. It may make the kid stronger, but that is not the kind of strength I want walking my streets once they are out of High School. We have police and law enforcement for a reason. Love em or hate em, I trust them to handle measures more than some punk kids who think they are "all that".

 

It is against the law when you are an adult to "take matters into your own hands". If we let children grow up fixing their own problems, then they will get arrested quickly latter in life. You are in the wrong time period and the wrong society to be suggesting this.

 

So, all in all, should schools enforce such strict measures, or should they let the children handle it by themselves?

If this was Sparta, I'd agree with you. But in modern society, we value diplomacy over violence in civil matters. Knowing you can trust your authorities is something that can help, as a dislike for them breeds gangs. Past High School, I'd much rather call the police on some jacka** than stand up to him.

 

Call me a snitch, but I'll be the snitch that isn't in jail for fighting back.

 

Do you know what we call it if adults threaten each other with violence or commit said 'bullying' violence? We call it assault and battery. If we don't consider that acceptable for adults, why in the world would we ever consider that acceptable for children to do?

Quoted For Topic.

[mur'phon]

Have you been the victim the entire class, lead by a few bullies, gangs up on? How do you "overcome" that? I spent my first year at school taking beatings, suffering rumors, pranks and isolation, and not being able to do anything about it since the class suported the bullies stories. It screwed my mind royally, I became depressed, and atempted suicide. "Overcoming" the bullies in my case meant not giving a damn about others oppinions conserning me, but that didn't help much when my face was smashed into a wall.

Me and my parrents tried to get the school to do something, but the school told us that "kids need to handle such things by themselves". It only ended when we convinced the headmaster to have a litle chat with the bullies and their parents.

 

Now what did I get out of the whole thing? negatives: depression, a nice collection of minor injuries, a chance of killing myself, a bad rep that stayed with me for 12 years. positives: a fair amount of guts. In my oppinion not worth it.

 

I reallize that my case is not the usual kind, but I believe schools need options to deal with bullies, and give students a chance to sue the school if nothing is done. While building character is great, it is not worth having a lot of messed up kids, and some who end up not screwing up their suicides.

[Det. Bart Lasiter]

Knowing you can trust your authorities is something that can help...

Only you can't trust them most of the time.

[True_Avery]

Only you can't trust them most of the time.

I trust some punks to solve something 0% of the time.

 

Some our of loyal men in blue may be incompetent jacka**s, but I'll still be calling 911 when threatened. It may not be the best authority system, but I'll take it over a gang state any day.

 

I reallize that my case is not the usual kind' date=' but I believe schools need options to deal with bullies, and give students a chance to sue the school if nothing is done. While building character is great, it is not worth the lives of those kids who every year who don't screw up their suicides.[/quote']

Quoted for complete truth.

 

Have you been the victim the entire class, lead by a few bullies, gangs up on? How do you "overcome" that? I spent my first year at school taking beatings, suffering rumors, pranks and isolation, and not being able to do anything about it since the class suported the bullies stories. It screwed my mind royally, I became depressed, and atempted suicide. "Overcoming" the bullies in my case meant not giving a damn about others oppinions conserning me, but that didn't help much when my face was smashed into a wall.

Me and my parrents tried to get the school to do something, but the school told us that "kids need to handle such things by themselves". It only ended when we convinced the headmaster to have a litle chat with the bullies and their parents.

I went through a very similar thing in my Elementary and Middle School days. I got picked on a lot, and when I wasn't crying my eyes out in a corner of the school I was physically assaulting the kids picking on me. But, that only made me an easier target. Kids love to pick on someone they know is going to either explode or fall apart. It is a game to them. I was always angry, paranoid, depressed, and alone.

 

I went through Elementary School and Middle School an emotional wreck. By the time I hit middle school, the school system didn't want me anymore and I was to be sent to a school for unstable children. Thankfully, I didn't go there and was instead put into a class at my Middle School for emotionally unstable children. For years I took anger management and emotional control classes, and that is what ended up fixing me. Through High School I was watched closely, but have been good since.

 

And the class I was put into? It was a form of special education. Kids who had bad emotional problems. From? Bad parenting, bullying, and not getting the help they needed sooner. I knew kids who had attempted suicide multiple times. I knew kids that had tried to kill other kids. I knew kids who, like me, could no longer function in normal society.

 

So, I got both ends. I was an introverted, paranoid crybaby with no friends who would usually end up crying in a corner of the school by the time class was over. Or, I was sent to the principle's office for standing up to a bully physically a lot. Neither are good traits to grow up with.

 

Did it make me stronger? In my opinion, it made me more worldly and mature at a younger age. I was praised at 15 by teachers and parents alike for being one of the most mature 15 year old they had ever encountered. It gave me a lot of self-esteem and I stood up to bullys in High School verbally, yet still got suspended once for doing so.

 

I'm really not sure if it was worth the trouble though. I can't say I hated it, as I like the person I am today...

 

As Mur'phon said, a situation like that has only a few outcomes and it is not worth the lives of those kids every year who don't screw up their suicides. It is not worth the kids every year that don't get the help I got. Those of us who made it out are grateful of who we have become, but it also comes with the price of seeing many who fell down the same hole as us never get back out and knowing that they could have been helped.

[Det. Bart Lasiter]

I trust some punks to solve something 0% of the time.

 

Some our of loyal men in blue may be incompetent jacka**s, but I'll still be calling 911 when threatened. It may not be the best authority system, but I'll take it over a gang state any day.

What I was getting at was the fact that someone won't always be there to bail you out and being able to defend oneself is an important skill.

[*Don*]

First off, I offer my sympathies to those who were affected by bullying.

 

Second, I was actually talking about the bullying that happens in elementary schools.

Granted, that the teachers should discipline the bully, but is it really fair going as far as to expell a 7 year old for bullying?

 

I was suggesting that the self esteem should be built up at a very young stage as to avoid complex and depressing situations in the future of junior high and high school.

 

Actually the whole root of of why I started the discussion was because children television shows like Barney, Sesame Street, etc have begun to subtly inch towards this type of mindset.

 

Why, just last week my cousin was watching Barney on TV and he started explaining to the kids how one should stand up to bullies and ask them politely to back off instead of running to the teacher which, apparently, would hurt the bully's "feelings".

[True_Avery]

What I was getting at was the fact that someone won't always be there to bail you out and being able to defend oneself is an important skill.

Ah, then I would have to agree with you there.

 

Second, I was actually talking about the bullying that happens in elementary schools.

Granted, that the teachers should discipline the bully, but is it really fair going as far as to expell a 7 year old for bullying?

Yeah, I can see how that is a problem. There should be disciplines in place, but cracking down hard on a 7 year old could be considered an extreme.

[Sabretooth]

Why, just last week my cousin was watching Barney on TV and he started explaining to the kids how one should stand up to bullies and ask them politely to back off instead of running to the teacher which, apparently, would hurt the bully's "feelings".

I think that asking someone to back off, or "saying No", or polite stuff like that is the worst kind of advice you can give to somebody who has been bullied. This gentlemanly method will not work 90% of the time, and 10% of the time, the bully will back off two paces and smash your head into a wall when your turn around. Besides, it just sounds impractical:

 

Bully: So, Joe - ready to get ****ed up?

Joe: Good morning, sir - would you kindly back off?

Bully: Uh, sure.

*Bully walks away, never to be seen again*

 

And hurting the bully's "feelings" is bull****. Did the sentimental bully think about the kid's "feelings"? And looking at the kid's generosity, politeness and inability to hurt "feelings", he suddenly stops being a bully and becomes a nice guy? Barney is totally screwed up, IMHO.

 

As for the topic itself, I think it should be made clear that kids should approach teachers and authorities if they are being bullied. Its not the catch-all solution, but it works, and it will also inculcate a sense of systematic law in kids. I think Jae put it perfectly when she said:

Do you know what we call it if adults threaten each other with violence or commit said 'bullying' violence? We call it assault and battery. If we don't consider that acceptable for adults, why in the world would we ever consider that acceptable for children to do?

 

What I was getting at was the fact that someone won't always be there to bail you out and being able to defend oneself is an important skill.

Agreed, but ironically enough, most bullies can attack because they can defend themselves (it's logical - a bully won't attack until he can defend). And in an unhealthy vice versa, kids who are good at defending themselves go one step further and exercise their martial abilities on weaklings.

 

Of the bullies I had in school, I distinctly remember that those who trained for self-defence, like karate or judo became increasingly aggressive and started bullying. One of them, whom I observed over the course of 10 years was wimp, until his father put him in for gym, some martial arts and that sort of stuff. And within a year he was bashing skulls.

 

And that is the reason I think that civilized habits need to be inculcated right from the start. Kids need to learn that authority is way more dangerous than the fists of the guy in front of you. They need to learn that it is authority that will solve problems sensibly, not violence.

[Ray Jones]

I think the real problem is - why are bullies bullies?

[Q]

^^^

Yup. Probably because their are no consequences or accountablility at home or in school for being a bully. It's practically encouraged, and it's always the victims' fault.

 

And we have the nerve to wonder what causes school shootings.

[Pho3nix]

I think the real problem is - why are bullies bullies?

Good question, I believe It's human nature. And let's remember that bullying exists in the workplace as well. It's never limited to just school bullying.

 

I hope I'm not being too harsh here.

 

Standing up to bullies has been a long part of childhood culture and is manytimes considered a quasi "rite-of-passage". By overcoming a bully, a child gains self esteem and builds up confidence. However, if a teacher has to intervene and suspend the bully, the child will probably feel inferior and additionally get labeled as a "rat" and "snitch" by his peers.

 

So, all in all, should schools enforce such strict measures, or should they let the children handle it by themselves?

I believe children should handle it by themselves (which they normally do) if it doesn't involve physical bullying. I believe bullying to a certain extent does improve strength of character and self-esteem. Let me explain.

 

--

 

I could have easily been bullied throughout my entire elementary school/junior high because of my short-stature. But, my strong personality combined with a relatively high self-esteem triumphed, and in the end I gained respect and had new friends. You can do something about it. It definitely made me a stronger person. My high school years were probably the best three years of my life so far.

 

The way to counter bullying is not to show that you're weak. This of course can be hard. But if you can't handle it, you need to toughen up. It's life, It's supposed to be hard. Mental weakness gets you nowhere.

[Web Rider]

the biggest problem I have with bullying rules is that self defense is as much a crime as bullying is. If you throw one punch, or even the odd block back at them, and not simply let them pound you, the school brass consider you just as much a part of the problem as the victim.

 

Hows that for generating the next generation of adults? Turning them into weak bodied/minded nitwits who will let themselves get taken advantage of instead of defending themselves. Police even have the same rule, "just let them rob" or "don't help you could make it worse", or "don't try to defend yourself".

 

It's all stupid. I'd gladly replace PE with self-defense classes so that people can learn restraint and have the ability to defend themselves.

[Corinthian]

The real solution here is to hand out complementary sets of brass knuckles to kids who are fulfill a few criteria.

 

1: They are smaller than average.

 

2: They are more intelligent than average.

 

3: They wear glasses.

 

4: They have a speech impediment, such as a lisp or stutter.

 

5: They aren't especially social, or don't have many friends.

 

If they fit in two or more of those slots, they are equipped. If this is not a sufficient deterrent, they may have their choice of Mace, Stun Guns, and Tasers.

[Q]

Instead of issuing weapons, how about recording devices so that the bullying can be monitored and the offenders dealt with accordingly?

[Inyri]

Brass knuckles are illegal, Corinthian. Tsk tsk.

 

Just give 'em a set of those new plastic knuckles that the laws don't apply to because 'they're not called brass knuckles so they're not the same' .

[Corinthian]

Qliveur, what's going to make a bully stop bullying? A fractured jaw, or detention?

 

Curses, you're right, Inyri. We'll just have to smuggle them in. Or get them legalized.

 

Smuggling sounds like the best option.

[Q]

Qliveur, what's going to make a bully stop bullying? A fractured jaw, or detention?

Neither. Criminal charges and prison-like reform schools would fit the bill nicely, IMO. These people are criminals, and should be treated as such.

 

Hell, they're more than criminals: they're ****ing animals.

[Corinthian]

Yeah, but my way both disciplines and TEACHES! The meaning of pain is lost on these scum, and then need to be re-instructed. Furthermore, it instructs the subject wielding that violence can be the answer, and it's usually the guy with the weapons who wins.

[mimartin]

I think the real problem is - why are bullies bullies?

Because they can. Speaking from personal experience I believe some bullying comes from an inferiority complex of the bully. They want to knock the other person down so the bully feels superior to that person. My step-brother was/is a bully. He weighed much more than the other kids and tried to bully everyone he came in contact with. I figured out quickly after our parents’ marriage that although he was big, he was also extremely slow and a very sound sleeper. Needless to say he stopped trying to bully me rather quickly. My stepbrother is still a bully, just more careful to whom he tries to bully.

Probably because their are no consequences or accountablility at home or in school for being a bully.

While I agree with this to a degree it is not always the case. Sometimes the bully just does not care about the consequences. In our home my parents had real consequences to our actions, yet my brother was still a bully. He actually thought it was cool to be grounded or to get other punishments. It was a badge of honor to him.

Granted, that the teachers should discipline the bully, but is it really fair going as far as to expell a 7 year old for bullying?

Yes and no. When I was 7 years old I’d loved being expelled from school for a time. It would have been like an extra spring break to me. My parents would have been at work and my brothers would have been at school, I would have had the run of the place. My parents believed in spankings, which did little to deter me. A couple of seconds of minor pain and then it was over. I for one could not stand being grounded, luckily for me my parents never figured that out and usually just spanked me. So what I mean by yes and no is the punishment needs to be what will deter that behavior for that person. For some expulsion may be a deterrent, for others it will be viewed as a holiday.

[Q]

^^^

Did your parents use a paddle?

 

Mine sure as hell did, and I was scared to death of it. The pain wasn't "minor" at all.

[JoeDoe 2.0]

As many American kids today, I have my shares of encounters with bullies and whatnot. As a good lil kid, I went to the teachers and guidance councilors for help, but just warning were issued to the bullies. The guy that was tormenting me seemed to get amused by my suffering and continued to bully me for 5 more months. That's when I cracked, after trying to talk to him, talking with teachers and deans, nothing changed, so I did the only thing I could do; I smacked the kid one good punch in the face. Got suspended for 2 days, but the kid never came back to bother me again. (Mind you that I've been a peaceful guy all my life)

 

To my understanding, school staff can't do much until something happens

[mimartin]

Did your parents use a paddle?

Stepdad used a paddle with holes drilled in it or his fist, but then he was not patting my butt.

Mother and Grandmother used belts or when we lived in the country switches. My Grandmother would make you go outside and pick your own switch and you better come back with a good one. I should not call any of them minor. I just knew that none of them would do anything that would permanently harm me so the pain was easy to endure.

 

I also have a high tolerance for pain something my parents should have known after I had my leg broken after being ran over by a car while playing football in the median. I did not go home to tell them until after the game was over. Now if they could have duplicated the pain caused by not be able to scratch my leg during that time that may have been a deterrent.