Darth InSidious Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 TEST PAPER PART I Up to the end of 1066 1. Which do you consider the more alike, Caesar or Pompey, or vice versa ? (Be brief.) 2. Discuss in latin or gothic (but not both) whether the Northumbrian Bishops were more schismatical than the Cumbrian Abbots. (Be bright.) 3. Which came first, A.D. or B.C. ? (Be careful.) 4. has it never occured to you that the Romans counted backwards ? (Be honest.) 5. How angry would you be if it was suggested (1) That the XIth Chap. of the Consolations of Boethius was an interpolated palimpsest? (2) That an eisteddfod was an agricultural implement? 6. How would you have attempted to deal with (a) the Venomous Bead ? (b) A Mabinogion or Wapentake ? (Be quick.) 7. What would have happened if (a) Boadicea had been the daughter of Edward the Confessor ? (b) Canute had succeeded in sitting on the waves? Does it matter? 8. Have you the faintest recollection of (1) Ethelbreth ? (2) Athelthral ? (3) Thruthelthrolth ? 9. What have you the faintest recollection of ? 10. Estimate the average age of (1) The Ancient Britons. (2) Ealdormen. (3) Old King Cole. 11. Why do you know nothing at all about (a) The Laws of Infangthief and Egg-seisin ? (b) Saint Pancras ? 12. Would you say that Ethelread the Unready was directly responsible for the French Revolution ? If so, what would you say? N.B. --- Do not attempt to answer more than one question at a time - From 1066 And All That, by WC Sellars and RJ Yeatman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Doctor Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 ^^^^^ In light of recent tragedies, the National Pet Association has released new warning labels for hazardous dogs. And just for weeks worth of laughs, I hereby direct you to Uncyclopedia, from the people who brought you Wikipedia - so hate them, not me:D EDIT: ^Maybe something our own admins should think about Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevanA4 Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 after reading the following laws I've decided that it is mandatory for all law makers to pass a IQ test with atleast a 130 (average college grads) and pass a common sense test with a precent of no less than 95% Texas • A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit. • A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. • Abilene: It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing. • Austin: Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket. • Beaumont: Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University. • Borger: It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind. • Clarendon: It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster. • Dallas: It's illegal to possess realistic dildos. • El Paso: Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them." • Galveston: It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays. • Houston: Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday. It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday. • If two trains going in opposite directions on the same track meet each other, one can't move until the other does. • If you went to church in Texas years back, you'd better be recognized. An old law made it illegal to go to church in disguise. • In Alamo a person found intoxicated must be given a large dose of castor oil by a local doctor...and failure to gulp it down will result in a fine. • In Corpus Christie it is illegal to raise alligators in your home. • In Dallas County it is illegal to own any realistic looking, phallic shaped, personal massager more than one foot in length. • In Houston you cannot buy beer after midnight on Sunday, but you can buy it on Monday. • In Kingsville, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property. • In Lefors, Texas it is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer at any time while standing. • In Mesquite, Texas it is illegal for kids to have unusual haircuts. • In Texas criminals are required to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. • In Texas it's legal for a chicken to have sex with you, but it's illegal to reciprocate. • It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. • It is illegal to carry a pair of wire-cutters in your back pocket. • It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers. • It is illegal for a person to shoot a buffalo from the second story of their hotel. • It is illegal to have an open container in a car. • It is illegal to have anything protruding from your bumper unless it is attached with a chain • It is illegal to milk another person's cow. • It is illegal to spit on the sidewalk. • It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. • It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo. • It is legal for a husband to beat his wife as long as he uses something no bigger than his thumb. • It is legal for the blind to go hunting as long as they have someone with them who isn't blind. • It is legal to commit a homicide as long as you tell the person when, and how you are going to kill them. • It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. O.o • In San Antonio, Texas, you can't honk a horn, run a generator, have a revival meeting or do anything else that disturbs the neighborhood and the city has a four-member noise police squad to enforce the law. • In Texas any artificial constructed underwater barrier reefs must come with an instruction booklet. • In Texas, sixteen-year old divorced girls are prohibited from talking about sex during high school extracurricular activities. • It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer. • Jasper: Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Fine of 100 dollars. • LeFors: It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing. • Lubbock County: It is illegal to drive within an arm's length of alcohol - including alcohol in someone else's blood stream. • Mesquite: It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts. • Port Arthur: Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator. • Richardson: It is now illegal to place a "for sale" sign on a car if it visible from the street. It is illegal to do "U Turns". • San Antonio: It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands. • Temple: No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square. You can ride your horse in the saloon. Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot. • Texarkana: Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights. • Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession. • Texas state law prohibits taking more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. • The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home. • There is an old law in Texas that states you are unable to tuck your pants into one boot unless you own ten or more cattle. • When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. • You can be legally married by publicly introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times. Tennessee •"Crimes against nature" are prohibited. • Any person crippling, killing or in any way destroying a proud bitch that is running at large shall not be held liable for the damages due to such killing or destruction. • Driving is not to be done while asleep. • Dyersburg: It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date. • Fayette County: You may not have more than five inoperable vehicles on a piece of property. • Giving and receiving oral sex is still prohibited by law. • Hollow logs may not be sold. • In Jonesboro, Tenn., a slingshot used to be classified by law as a deadly weapon. • In Memphis, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it, waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians. • In Tennessee hollow logs may not be sold. • In Tennessee it is illegal to use a lasso to catch fish. • It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date. • It is illegal to catch a fish with a lasso. • It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. • It is legal to gather and consume road kill • It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM. • Knoxville: In front of their buildings, all businesses must have a "hitching post." • Lenoir City: When you pull up to a stop sign you must fire a gun out the window to warn horse carriages that you are coming. • Lexington: No one may eat ice cream on the sidewalk. Spitting on the sidewalk is prohibited. • Memphis: Illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians. It's illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM. Panhandlers must first obtain a $10 permit before begging on the streets of downtown Memphis. It is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie must be eaten on the premises. • More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel. • Nashville: Males may not be sexually aroused in public. • Stealing a horse is punishable by hanging. • The age of consent is 16, but 12 if the girl is a virgin. • You can't shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile. IF you can do this you win 1 million dollars Oneida: An ordinance forbids anyone to sing the song "It Ain't Goin' To Rain No Mo'." disclaimer: I am not resposible for anybody who dies laughing as a result of this post also I haven nothing against these states they just have some wacked laws Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeremia Skywalk Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Some fun facts about Chuck Norris 1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancor. Too bad he has never cried. 2. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits. 3. Bullets dodges Chuck Norris 3. First ever solar eclipse were when Chuck Norris dared Sun to a staring contest. Chuck Norris never loses 4. Chuck Norris sold his soul to Devil to achieve perfect martial arts skill. Than he kicked Devil to death, to get his soul back. 5. The dinosaurs looked wrong at Chuck Norris once. ONCE! 6. When Neil Armstrong landed on moon he found a note saying "Chuck Norris were here" 7.Jesus actualy weren't born in December 25th, but Chuck Norris sent him a poster that day and he was too scared, to tell Chuck Norris he was wrong. 8.Chuck Norris' laughter saves one person from death. Ironicly he laughs only when he have killed someone. 9.On every dinosaur fossil in the world there is signs of a rangers' boot, scientists cannot explain that, but we know it was Chuck Norris. 10.One guy told Chuck Norris, that round-house kick isn't the best way to kill people. Historians consider this to be the largest mistake in history of world. 11.Chuck Norris doesn't know about this list traveling around internet, if he would, he would delete internet. 12.Chuck Norris is Darth Vaders father. 13.If Chuck Norris recieves a bill, he just sends them back a picture of him staring. He never had to pay bills in his lifetime. 14.Chuck Norris leaves a nightlamp on his desk, not beacause he is scared of darkness, but beacause darkness is scared of him. 15. Every evening Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 16.Once Chuck Norris' girlfriend tried to joke and asked- "How much wood could a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" He kicked her head off for ryming with his name. After 2.5 months he understood the funny part and laughted so hard everyone in 3kilometre radious went deaf. 17.If you dont see Chuck Norris he's propably behind you. 18.There are two kinds of people 1st kind is Chuck Norris and 2nd is going to die. 19.Once a blind man stepped on Chuk Norris' foot. "Do you know who I am? I am Chuck Norris!" Chuck Norris' voice gave him eyelight back, but the first and last thing he ever saw was a well aimed round-house kick. 20.If you ask Chuck Norris "What time it is" He will answer "Two seconds till." "Two seconds till what?" And than you would get a round-house kick in your face. 21.Chuck Norris has special name for people he had put in coma. He call them "lucky". More to come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth InSidious Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Ha! Funny list . I actually looked around when I read 17... BTW, *snip* I cut out the off-topic parts of this post, If you or anyone else has problems with someones avatar or sig use the PM system, thanks. -RH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commander Obi-Wan Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Math pwned! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samuel Dravis Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Chuck Norris, even though he's pretty cool, doesn't hold a candle to Vin Diesel. *If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives." *Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. *When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead. *Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear. *For a brief period in history, Vin Diesel had stolen the letter F from the alphabet, that is why we have words such as Photo and Dr. Phil. *Vin Diesel defied MC Hammer and touched it. *Like the ying-yang symbol, Vin Diesel is equal parts good and evil, but unlike the ying-yang symbol, Vin Diesel eats babies. *We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear has nothing to fear but Vin Diesel. *Vin Diesel doesn't actually have bones or internal organs. Underneath his skin is another slightly smaller Vin Diesel and underneath that is yet another even smaller Vin Diesel. After the third layer his body is filled with rich, creamy nougat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Det. Bart Lasiter Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 GMan is NOT having a wonderful time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedHawke Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I have pruned out the Avatar comments, if you find an avatar or sig offensive please report it using the PM system, don't bring a thread off-topic. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeremia Skywalk Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 don't forget Mr. T- http://www.4q.cc/t/index.php?topthirty he's a tough guy too Edit:Sorry if I offended someone with my previous avatar (sorry for talking about off topic thing as well) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevanA4 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 the real story behind jingle bells here is one for you mario fan's out there LMFAO more proof of how stupid some guys can be Just one word DUCK lmfoa you wonder why people hate the US so much (political warning) the song they don't want you to hear(BSB warning) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 Well, Since our (the U.S.'s) Vice President likes shooting people in the face... I figured a hunting joke was in store --------------------- A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said, "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field." An hour later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream and ran back to his son. “What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet." The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat. I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said, ‘Should we eat them here, or take them with us?’ well, I just panicked!!!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Det. Bart Lasiter Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Duck Hunt? Also, on the subject of shotguns, here in Massachusetts it is, in fact, illegal to *NOT* bring your shotgun to church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 I love that book!! The 'Venomous Bead' is my favorite. If I ever teach history, it's going to be required reading. TEST PAPER PART I Up to the end of 1066 1. Which do you consider the more alike, Caesar or Pompey, or vice versa ? (Be brief.) 2. Discuss in latin or gothic (but not both) whether the Northumbrian Bishops were more schismatical than the Cumbrian Abbots. (Be bright.) 3. Which came first, A.D. or B.C. ? (Be careful.) 4. has it never occured to you that the Romans counted backwards ? (Be honest.) 5. How angry would you be if it was suggested (1) That the XIth Chap. of the Consolations of Boethius was an interpolated palimpsest? (2) That an eisteddfod was an agricultural implement? 6. How would you have attempted to deal with (a) the Venomous Bead ? (b) A Mabinogion or Wapentake ? (Be quick.) 7. What would have happened if (a) Boadicea had been the daughter of Edward the Confessor ? (b) Canute had succeeded in sitting on the waves? Does it matter? 8. Have you the faintest recollection of (1) Ethelbreth ? (2) Athelthral ? (3) Thruthelthrolth ? 9. What have you the faintest recollection of ? 10. Estimate the average age of (1) The Ancient Britons. (2) Ealdormen. (3) Old King Cole. 11. Why do you know nothing at all about (a) The Laws of Infangthief and Egg-seisin ? (b) Saint Pancras ? 12. Would you say that Ethelread the Unready was directly responsible for the French Revolution ? If so, what would you say? N.B. --- Do not attempt to answer more than one question at a time - From 1066 And All That, by WC Sellars and RJ Yeatman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aash Li Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 Someone in irc linked this: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3854479588977833974&q=utaban Its mildly disturbing (but not gross or sick or anything) - think sorta along the lines of Man Faye. o_O Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevanA4 Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I give you some of the worlds most useless facts » The largest known butterfly is Queen Alexandra's Birdwing from New Guinea, which has a wingspan of approximately 11 inches (28 cm). » The smallest butterfly, the Dwarf Blue from Africa, has a wingspan of only one-half inch. » Jupiter, the fifth planet from the sun, is the largest planet in the solar system, twice as big as all the other planets combined. » The largest mountain in the Solar System is Olympus Mons on Mars. At 372 miles (600 km) across and a height of over 16 miles (26 km), it is nearly 3 times taller than Mt. Everest. » The largest canyon system in the Solar System is Valles Marineris on Mars. It is more than 3,000 miles (4,827 km) long, reaches 3 miles (5 km) in depth, 200 miles (322 km) in width, and would stretch from California to New York. » The Boeing Commercial Airplane factory in Everett, Washington is the largest building in the world. The entire Disneyland amusement park, including its parking lots, could fit inside of it. » The largest painting on earth is a 116,000-square-foot (35,356 m) whale mural, 11 stories tall, and 1,028 feet (313 m) in circumference encircling the outside of the Long Beach Convention Center painted by Robert Wyland. » The largest turtle ever found weighed 2,016 pounds. » The largest insects that ever lived on the earth were giant dragonflies with wingspans of over 3 feet (1 m). » The largest object that was ever found in the Los Angeles sewer system was a motorcycle. » The largest number of children born to one woman is recorded at 69. From 1725-1765, a Russian peasant woman gave birth to 16 sets of twins, 7 sets of triplets, and 4 sets of quadruplets. » The longest official city name in the world, made up of 164 letters, is "Krungthep Mahanakhon Amorn Rattanakosin Mahintara Yudthaya Mahadilok Pohp Noparat Rajathanee Bureerom Udomrajniwes Mahasatarn Amorn Pimarn Avaltarnsatit Sakatattiya Visanukram Prasit" a.k.a. Bangkok, Thailand. » The longest film ever released was "****" by Andy Warhol in 1967, which lasted 25 hours. After its utter failure, it was withdrawn and re-released in a 90-minute form as "The Loves of Ondine." » The song with the longest title is "I'm a Cranky Old Yank in a Clanky Old Tank on the Streets of Yokohama with my Honolulu Mama Doin' Those Beat-o, Beat-o Flat-On-My-Seat-o, Hirohito Blues" written by Hoagy Carmichael in 1943. » "The Simpsons" is the longest running animated series on TV. » The longest word in the English language is 1,913 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA. » The longest fence in the world is in Australia and it runs for over 3,436 miles (5,530 km). » The woman who has the longest legs, Nadja Auerman, has legs that are 3 feet 8.8 inches (1.14m) long. » The world's longest hair, grown by Mr. Hook, is 17 feet 2.3 inches (5.24 m) long. Now in his late 80's, Mr. Hook has not had a hair cut since his late teens because he became ill after a trim and a dream warned him against further snips. He washes it once a year. » The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar an England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. » Rhode Island is the smallest state with the longest name. The official name, used on all state documents, is "Rhode Island and Providence Plantations." » "Stewardesses" and "reverberated" are the two longest words - 12 letters each - that can be typed using only the left hand. » The longest word that can be typed using only the right hand is "lollipop" - 8 letters. » "Skepticism" - 10 letters - is the longest typed word that alternates hands. » The longest word in the English language that has only one vowel is "strengths" - nine letters. » "Racecar" is the longest single-word palindrome in the English language. » The world's longest name officially used by a person is "Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorft Senior" which is composed of 28 words or 192 letters. » The longest banana split was 288,288 inches (732,251 cm) long. » World's longest moustache is 133 1/2 inches (339 cm) grown by Kalyan Ramji Sain. » The world's longest game of Monopoly lasted more than 660 hours. » The longest animal ever recorded is the ribbon worm also known as Lineus longissimus. This creature measured at 180 feet (55 m) when it washed ashore in Scotland in the late 1800's. » "ADCOMSUBORDCOMPHIBSPAC" is the longest acronym. It is a Navy term standing for "Administrative Command, Amphibious Forces, Pacific Fleet Subordinate Command." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Funny Family Guy video of an Osama parody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade Puma Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Funny eh? How bout a dirty joke. "Pig played in the mud!" Lol!! That's so funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 The real Peter Griffin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted March 2, 2006 Author Share Posted March 2, 2006 The real Peter Griffin giggity giggity... oh yeah... Wow, striking resemblance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REDJOHNNYMIKE Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Wonky:D Now I'm going to start seeing cartoons everywhere <.< >.> CARTMAN'S IN MY MIRROR MAKE HIM STOP!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 For all of us who have seen Gladiator, we remember when he was, "I'm Maximus Vesovious Stipilous." (or w/e it was.) but I always thought his name should be "Maximus Vesovious Syphilous." EDIT: Apparently it's not funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 For all of us who have seen Gladiator, we remember when he was, "I'm Maximus Vesovious Stipilous." (or w/e it was.) but I always thought his name should be "Maximus Vesovious Syphilous." That's not funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REDJOHNNYMIKE Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Motion seconded. Carried. Take him away from mine dignified presence, over there some where! He shall indeed be "gently" persuaded to watch AS with several moonanites until his comic brilliance rivals that of Billy the Rotten Stump and his traveling entourage of small singing woodland creatures. He will be accept instruction in the ways of irony, satire, parody, and whatever else the cafeteria is serving. Again I say, Remove him from my dignified presence, for he is most undignified and not fit to be in my dignified presence!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted March 19, 2006 Author Share Posted March 19, 2006 Again I say, Remove him from my dignified presence, for he is most undignified and not fit to be in my dignified presence!!! Now THAT's pure comedy genius.. RJM and the word "dignified" in the same sentence.. Hilarious! hahaha... ROTFLMAO Just Kidding ya bro! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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