Curt-Man Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job." if you thought that was bad: As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
ET Warrior Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Why do women have smaller feet than men? Evolutionary trait, lets em get closer to the stove
IG-64 Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Well, looks like no one has come up with any good jokes since the 50's.
Nerd_Annhilator Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Three guys walk into a bar, the first one says "Whats this, a joke?" please don't stab me.
Revan Solo Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 A man is walking around a corner onto a biscuit. "I guess, it is crumbling!", said the biscuit.
ET Warrior Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by Revan Solo A man is walking around a corner onto a biscuit. "I guess, it is crumbling!", said the biscuit. Gets my nomination for least sense made by a joke. A guy walks into a dentists office, and says to the denist "I think I'm a moth" The dentist looks at him and says "Well if you think you're a moth, why did you come into a dentists office?" The guy says "Well, the light was on"
Revan Solo Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 Two cows are sitting in the cellar, knitting yogurt. Says one to the other:"I thought frogs don't play football!"
Pie™ Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 A bunny walks up to Jed and asks him for sex. Jed tells them: "I'm sorry, Zed is out of town."
ET Warrior Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by Revan Solo Two cows are sitting in the cellar, knitting yogurt. Says one to the other:"I thought frogs don't play football!" Perhaps you are confused, but while this is the crappy jokes thread, you're still supposed to be telling jokes....not nonsenical statements.
jebbers Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 Originally posted by ET Warrior Gets my nomination for least sense made by a joke. A guy walks into a dentists office, and says to the denist "I think I'm a moth" The dentist looks at him and says "Well if you think you're a moth, why did you come into a dentists office?" The guy says "Well, the light was on" spast! you beat me to it... and somebody was watching scrubs....very good show
narfblat Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin says, "It sure is hot in here." The second says "Wow! A talking muffin!" Q: What's brow and sticky? A: a stick
CapNColostomy Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Four guys are about to walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks. Crappy jokes indeed.
CapNColostomy Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 HAHA! Dammit, this is the crappy joke thread, Chase. Not the piss your pants laughing joke thread. Eh, I liked it anyway.
TheOutrider Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 There was this pimp and he had 3 hos, keyword 3!!! Its 3 ok so don't get it wrong. Now he tells the first one go get him 10 dollars so she goes and gets him 10 dollars, when she comes back he says wheres my 20 dollars and she said he said 10 so he slaps her and says dont correct me ho. For the second ho he said go get a bag of marijuana and she does it. When she gets back he asks her where his coke and she says he asked for marijuana so he says dont correct me ho. For the 3rd one he told her to get him a burger off the dollar menu at Mcdonalds and she does. She comes back and he asks wheres my big mac, she said he asked for a burger so he says dont correct me ho. Now the 4th ho... To all of you who would have said "You said 3 hos" "Don't correct me ho"
Sivy Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 a circle and triangle go into a bar. triangle says "your round" two ropes walk into a bar. the bartender says to the rope "Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes leaves. the other rope frays up his hair and tied himself in a knot. the bartender says to the rope "are you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afaid not" why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book? because they all have phones why do squirrels sleep on their stomachs? to keep their nuts warm What do you do with a dog that has no legs? take him out for a drag
Mike Windu Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by Sivy two ropes walk into a bar. the bartender says to the rope "Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes leaves. the other rope frays up his hair and tied himself in a knot. the bartender says to the rope "are you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afaid not" afaid not eh... I don't get it. I'm just messin with ya
jebbers Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 a guy and two droids walk into a cantina. the bartender looks at them and says "We dont serve their kind here." Bah Dum Psh! im really bored...
Revan Solo Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by Chase Windu The version I've always heard was: "Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks." Oh well. A duck walks into a grocery store and asks the manager: 'Got any duck food?' The manager says no and the ducks leaves. The next day the duck goes back to the grocery store and asks the manager: 'Got any duck food?' The manager says no and the duck leaves. The third day the duck goes back and asks the same question: 'Got any duck food?' Annoyed, the manager says 'No, and if you ask me again I'll nail your feet to the floor' The 4th day the duck returns and asks the manager 'Got any nails?' The manager says no. The duck then asks: 'Got any duck food?' I know a very perverse version of that joke but I do not want to tell it.
RebelScum! Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Man...all these jokes are terrible . A few clever ones but thats it. Of course its been a loooong times sense a joke thats not on tv made me laugh for more than 0.1 seconds. Anyways heres a joke i heard. There and two pirates. One is just a normal guy and the other one has a peg leg, eye patch and a hook hand. One pirate says to the other, "where did you get that pag leg?". "It got shot off by a cannon ball." he answered. "ok then where did you get the hook hand?" "Another pirate choped it off." "Then how did you get the eye patch?" "Well i was staring up at good 'ol jolly roger when a bird pooped in my eye." "how is that supposed to make you lose your eye?" "Well it was the first day i had my hook." Edit:Cmon Revan tell it...Et already told the boob joke
ET Warrior Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 A family of moles lives in there hole in the ground, there's a momma mole, a daddy mole, and a little kid mole. One day, the dad sticks his head out of the mole hole, and says "I smell cinnamon". The momma squeezes herself up and pokes her head out and says "I don't smell Cinnamon, I think it's paprika." The little kid mole doesn't have room to get his head out of the hole and he says "I don't know what you guys are smelling, because all I smell is mollasses.."
coupes. Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 This one is better when it's spoken, but it's still pretty bad A guy goes to see his psychiatrist and tell him about his dreams... Patien : "I don't get it, sometimes I dream I'm a tipi and sometimes I dream I'm a wigwam ! What does it mean ?" Doctor : "Hmm... You're too tense (tents)"
narfblat Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by Chase Windu A hillbilly gets pulled over for speeding. The cop asks, "I.D.?" The hillbilly says, " 'bout what?" (think of how a hillbilly talks and you'll get it) I'm probably just being dumb, but I don't get that one.
Boba Rhett Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 It's "Got an ID?" "'bout what?" "ID" sounds a lot like, "idea" in some southern places.
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