Samnmax221 Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I don't see Marriage as valuable outside of the legal standpoint. I would however like to find someone to be monogamous with at some point, my own ideas about the matter are complicated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Jones Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Pointless or worthwhile as non-marriage relationships. Considering the statistic is worthless, because it's about successful and failed marriages, which is easy to count since there's always some paper about it. It's hard to count successful and failed non-marriage relationships, since there's no documentation about it. So, at the end of the day, what D3 said. ;~~~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Web Rider Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Yet numbers don't lie' date=' and while I don't like them, they are there, so you might as well make the best of the situation while you try to change it.[/quote'] Yeah, maybe my mom doesn't make as much as a male coworker, but I gotta say, 70k vs 75k, not a lot of difference at this point. My point was that you shouldn't marry women with the assumption that you're going to "protect" them and "provide" for them. If that's the way both you and your wife want to be, go right ahead. But marrying women because they make less is one of those prime reasons that women are paid less. Companies figure that since a woman has the man earning money, they don't need to pay them as much. So by marrying them to "provide" for them, you're making the situation worse. Not to mention you're assuming that just because you're a man, you're going to make more than her. You may make more than a woman who is in your same profession, but that doesn't guarantee you're top your wife. My aunt makes 250K+ a year. That's hard to top with ANY profession. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrPhil2501 Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 In my most deepest, honest opinion: dont do it. Some couples are just better off not getting married. My parents are divorced, and now they are in a relationship with someone else. Only this time: they dont intend on getting married... again. I for one dont believe in it: given from what I have been through with my parents. I learned from their mistake, and others as well. I'm sure you love your girlfriend, and you want whats best for her. But consider this: Is it really quite necesary to throw a huge freakin' party to announce to the world that you're crazily in love with someone? And even after the marriage: things WILL get tough between the two of you. I'm sure you dont want that for your girlfriend. Now that i've said my piece, I'll shut up now -.- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
True_Avery Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 This thread has made it blatantly obvious that this is a Star Wars forum. So blatantly obvious. Party? Extravagance? Glam? Some of you are obviously missing the point if the party is the first thing to comes to mind. You can get married for cheap in someones backyard, or even just sign the papers and leave it at that. No, there are 2 reasons you get married: 1) It is sort of a cultural symbol of union. You are respected more as a couple for being married if you actually love each other. 2) The bling. The serious political bling that marriage offers. Some of you may not realize this, but being married gives you a ton of toys. Like joint custody of children. Hospital visitation and second of kin. Tax breaks. Higher work Pay. The list goes ever on. If you feel as if you can stay with someone for years, get married for the reason of it just makes your life even better and easier. It is far more than just a document that says you live together. There is good reason why homosexuals have been trying to get access to marriage: It offers more than civil unions, gives some pretty needed privileges, etc. You do not get married to lock a relationship. You do not get married to prove you love someone. You do not get married to do anything other than get the papers that say you are. If you aren't willing to stay together before hand, then marriage is not going to help you. Which brings us to the divorce part of this thread. "Don't get married or you'll get divorced!" Seriously? I'm sorry if your parents broke up or something, but that is not the systems fault. It lies on the shoulders of the people that locked rings. If they can't hold a marriage together or marry the wrong person and become the 50% of people who divorce, then quite frankly that is there own fault for the short sightedness. Dude, marry her if you think you can spend the rest of your life with her. If you want my advise, don't even propose. Proposing is, in my opinion, a good part of the reason why marriage's end in flames so often. You both should reflect and talk on how you feel about each other and your situation. While it may be difficult right now, try to rationally think out the next few years and consider that she will be there at all times. If you both can cope with being with each other for a long time, then take your relationship up a notch and live together, eat together, breath together, etc for awhile. If all ends well and you both find peace with each other, THEN go get the marriage papers and sign them. In the end, it is not a religious document no matter what people tell you. It is not a religious ceremony. It is nothing but a legally binding document that gives you a large amount of very good and very important rights that will simply make certain aspects of your union move smoother. In summary, don't ever think of proposing. Think about and focus on becoming -friends- with your girlfriend. Because, if you honestly cannot see her as a friend then it isn't going to go anywhere. Propose when you can both come to an agreement and a peace together. Personally I never got the whole man on his knee proposing thing. Sure, it is dramatic and such but what does it accomplish? Spring the question and get an answer in the heat of the moment? It should be mutual, and it should be planned. It should be agreed upon and more thought should go into it than "what type of ring do I buy?" That is the best I can give. Don't pay attention to all of this teenage angst "don't do it!" BS, because only you know if you fit into that 50% of people. The choice is yours on which 50% you will be in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taak Farst Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 All marriages I have seen - which are only like 4 - have all gone down the drain. However, I still think marriage is a big step needed for a commited relationship. While the couple might get divorced, I still think you should do it. If you really love someone, some things are worth getting your heart broken for. But there are marriages that WORK OUT for the rest of someone's life! Look at Jae Onasi - how long has she been married? Isn't it 40 years?? 40 years and still happily married -- that's doable for anyone if u know how to do it. But I don't know anything about this because I'm 12, just wanted to say my thoughts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EnderWiggin Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Look at Jae Onasi - how long has she been married? Isn't it 40 years?? 40 years and still happily married -- that's doable for anyone if u know how to do it. But I don't know anything about this because I'm 12, just wanted to say my thoughts Jae, you are going to have to kill TSR for making that comment... Now everyone thinks you've been married for 40 years @Tribbiani: I'm pretty sure Jae & Jim are coming up on their 20th anniversary, but your point still holds _EW_ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mur'phon Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 My point was that you shouldn't marry women with the assumption that you're going to "protect" them and "provide" for them. If that's the way both you and your wife want to be, go right ahead. Nope, I'm a feminist and will probably end up taking work paid in a clearer consience so not as if I'll ever end up as a breadwinner. My post was mainly directed towards Advardes, as I believe the legal benefits/liabilities are a good thing about marriage. My point is that if you love someone why not get registered? No party needed.Just give (or take) the rights you (he/she) deserve, enjoy the shared benefits and each other. But marrying women because they make less is one of those prime reasons that women are paid less. Agreed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommycat Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 This is a subject I am pretty familiar with. First let me preface this with my own tale. I was with the same woman for 8 years before we got married. Through that whole time we argued about on average once per year. I got married to her about 2 years ago. From that point we started arguing a great deal. Then last July we broke up. She was sleeping around on me for a month at least. Now we're going through divorce. Ok so with that out of the way, you'd think I would have a negative view of marriage. I do not. I still have faith that marriage is a good thing. See my dad was married to my biological mom for 16 years before their divorce. The next woman he married he was with until his death. My grandmother was married and divorced once until she met the man I knew as my grandfather. She was married to that man until he died(better than 30 years). Those really indicate that while the first marriage may have ended badly, the next marriage has a higher success rate. It really depends on the maturity of both parties. if you have a similar maturity, you will likely mature together. Or you will have learned about how to really make a relationship work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taak Farst Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Jae, you are going to have to kill TSR for making that comment... Now everyone thinks you've been married for 40 years @Tribbiani: I'm pretty sure Jae & Jim are coming up on their 20th anniversary, but your point still holds _EW_ well now im embarrassed..damn TSR - but im glad my point holds Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adavardes Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I'm gonna have to go with Qliveur. It doesn't make your life better or easier. There's just soemthing about being legally bound to a person, no matter how much you love them, that detracts from the relationship and puts it under strain. Do you know how much you can fall out of love and learn to despise someone by thinking of them as a legal obligation instead of a relationship built on trust and commitment that doesn't need a paper saying you love one another? The benefits do not outweigh the setbacks. Don't get married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I'm gonna have to go with Qliveur. It doesn't make your life better or easier. There's just soemthing about being legally bound to a person, no matter how much you love them, that detracts from the relationship and puts it under strain. Do you know how much you can fall out of love and learn to despise someone by thinking of them as a legal obligation instead of a relationship built on trust and commitment that doesn't need a paper saying you love one another? The benefits do not outweigh the setbacks. Don't get married. What? I'm legally bound to my husband, and have been for almost 19 years now. It doesn't strain us at all, and we don't feel it's an 'obligation' at all. I'm sorry you've had a miserable experience with marriage somewhere, but this is your opinion of it, and not truth. You can fall out of love without the piece of paper--I've certainly seen that happen a whole lot more often than I've seen it happen after someone's married. How many breakups of non-married people did you see in high school and college? I've seen plenty--far more than I've seen breakups of marriage. There are any number of studies showing the health benefits of marriage vs. other types of relationships, so the benefits most certainly do outweigh the costs. Married men live longer and generally have less depression than non-married men. There is less poverty in married households than in unmarried households. Look up on medscape's medline search and you'll find numerous studies showing the benefits of marriage. You've made an assumption on marriage based on your opinon, but it's incorrect, since the benefits of marriage are greater. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
True_Avery Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I'm gonna have to go with Qliveur. It doesn't make your life better or easier. There's just soemthing about being legally bound to a person, no matter how much you love them, that detracts from the relationship and puts it under strain. Do you know how much you can fall out of love and learn to despise someone by thinking of them as a legal obligation instead of a relationship built on trust and commitment that doesn't need a paper saying you love one another? The benefits do not outweigh the setbacks. Don't get married. Then the people who got married are idiots and should have never been together in the first place. If the piece of paper breaks up your marriage, then its your fault. If you think of them as a legal obligation, that is your fault. Fall in love with them, become their friend, and determine if you can spend the rest of your life together. The document just assures you certain legal privileges like next of kin, joint custody of children, etc. It is when you assume marriage is anymore that you start sabotaging your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth333 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 How many breakups of non-married people did you see in high school and college? I've seen plenty--far more than I've seen breakups of marriage.I wouldn't really take high-school break-ups into account here...in general, they're not serious relationships (and it's the case with several early college relationships too). Besides, people can't normally get married at that age either...Seems irrelevant. There are any number of studies showing the health benefits of marriage vs. other types of relationships, so the benefits most certainly do outweigh the costs. Married men live longer and generally have less depression than non-married men. There is less poverty in married households than in unmarried households. Look up on medscape's medline search and you'll find numerous studies showing the benefits of marriage. You've made an assumption on marriage based on your opinon, but it's incorrect, since the benefits of marriage are greater. I doubt that has anything to do with the mere fact that a couple is legally married or not. Those same people referred to in the studies who are living in a couple's relationship wouldn't probably be richer or happier if married. I am pretty sure that it has more to do with the general lifestyle, background and culture instead of the marriage "stamp" ( from what I saw in the past, several studies seem to consider couples who are not married but "living as if married" in the same category as "legally married" people and list them as "married" btw). I personally don't believe in marriage "benefits" other than its possible legal (and/or religious for some people) implications: I think that a couple can have a relation that is just as stable and lasting without that. Almost everyone I know who isn't over 65yrs of age isn't legally married and their couple's relationship is steady, some of them living together since more than 30yrs now...(in fact only one of my friends from college married...it was 10 yrs ago and now she's divorced). I don't see how being legally married or not, would have an effect on the duration of the relation and love... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Web Rider Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 That is somewhat of the irony to the show The Starter Wife. It is often the first marriages that people are unprepared for, I mean really, you can't honestly say you know what a marriage is going to be like if you've never been in one. Even though a committed relationship can come close, it's just not the same. But it really depends, and I think there's a good point here that's been made about actually talking things over instead of just spur of the moment proposing. I don't think it's fair however, if you're going to say that a legal document is going to be enough to make you stop loving a person and thing of them as an "obligation" more than a realtionship, then you really didn't love them to begin with. And I'm not saying this in some kind of weird "GOD WANTS MARRIAGE!!!" thing, just that a legal commitment shouldn't make any more difference in a strong relationship than anything else. All that say is you're looking for an "out" at any chance you get. Hey, covering your bases is fine, but if you don't want to commit to a legal union on the grounds that you may not love them 3 years from now, well you're gonna have a break up regardless of if it's called a divorce or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth333 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Even though a committed relationship can come close, it's just not the same. I can understand it for religious people (and/or perception of a couples' situation in some cultures) but otherwise, how so? Why would the relationship between two people who love each other necessarily be different? (save some of the legal aspects that apply mainly in case of separation or specific circumstances...but a non married couple can still have a fair custom contract that fits their needs and situation...). Save for the two exceptions mentioned above (religion and culture) I cannot think of any reason why it cannot be the same. As for me marriage wouldn't add or change anything to the relationship and wouldn't make me love more or less so I consider it pointless from a personal perspective...but then, it seems that I come from a place (Quebec) where we have one the highest proportion of "common-law" couples (cultural influence I suppose ). This table also shows that while the number of marriages has decreased by more than 50% in +- 20yrs (where I live), the number of divorces is about the same... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Web Rider Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 I can understand it for religious people (and/or perception of a couples' situation in some cultures) but otherwise, how so? Why would the relationship between two people who love each other necessarily be different? (save some of the legal aspects that apply mainly in case of separation or specific circumstances...but a non married couple can still have a fair custom contract that fits their needs and situation...). Save for the two exceptions mentioned above (religion and culture) I cannot think of any reason why it cannot be the same. I would say that the lack of an easy out is one. And the legal responsibilities would be the other. But, if you're going to take all the significance out of marriage and just address is as a legal contract, then I would say the binding legal requirements of said contract. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justanother_strwsfan Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 pointless. Welcome to the forums , please don't perform 'thread necromancy' unless you have something substantial to say about a thread. One word answers tend to be considered spam, so please don't do that. Again welcome to the forums! Forum Wide rules found here; http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?p=2593894#post2593894 Rules specific to Kavars can be found here; http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=175866 -- j7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EnderWiggin Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 pointless. These sort of posts are rather unwelcome here. I see you are new; welcome to the forums This is the serious discussion forum, though, so one word posts are considered spam. Could you please elaborate on your opinion? It makes it hard to have a discussion if the other person only says one word _EW_ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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