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Shortest Movies Ever...


ChAiNz.2da

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K gang, let's test the waters... haven't tried something like this in awhile so if the thread dies, no biggie.. hehehe

 

Your Goal:

Take any movie and apply a "what if" scenario that would've made the movie credits roll before the audience was able to open their Milk Duds®

 

Rules:

  • Keep in mind that the more popular movies or the "Classics" will tend to get a better response from the Ahto-Nauts. Meaning we can all relate to what you're talking about. (or at least summarize what actually happened if you can) ;)
  • The earlier you can make the credits roll.. the better
  • Stay true to the movie's scenario and apply something that could've happened. No "mysterious unknown person" popping in and capping our hero/villain (unless it's a possibility within the movie's premise)...

 

I'll go first to show an example...

 

StarWars IV, A New Hope seems fitting for this place

 

SCENARIO: The 2 droids have just entered the escape pod and have jettisoned, drifting to the planet of Tatooine...

 

CHIEF PILOT: There goes another one.

 

CAPTAIN: Hold your fire. There are no life forms. It must have been

short-circuited.

 

~ what if ~

 

CAPTAIN: Hold your fire. There are no life forms. It must have been

short-circuited.... ahh, what the hell, better safe than sorry.. fire at will!

 

CHIEF PILOT: Roger Roger ;) *BLAST* *KABLOOM*

 

* credits roll *

 

 

=============

 

Your Turn! :D

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Superman

 

Kal El is saved from the destruction of planet Krypton when his parents place him on a rocket that launches just in time.

 

What if...

The rocket fails to launch?

 

Spiderman

 

Peter Parker is bitten by a genetically altered spider and becomes everyone's favorite webslinger.

 

What if...

The spider lands on the floor and Peter steps on it?

 

Here's one that would prevent 5 other movies...well, I don't want to think about the implications to time continuity.

 

What if, in The Phantom Menace, Qui Gon Jinn succeeded in persuading Watto to accept Republic credits for the hyperdrive parts their ship needed?

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Heh heh, I have a few.

 

ET

 

Opening scene, ET is trying to run back to his ship as he's being chased by a guy named "Keys". The ship escapes, and ET escapes "Keys" because he's captivated by the alien ship.

 

What if....

ET made it to the ship in time

OR

"Keys" caught ET

 

(credits roll....)

 

Jaws

 

Opening scene: Woman is swimming in the ocean. "Bruce" the Great White Shark is swimming in, looking for dinner. He sees girl and eats girl.

 

What if....

The shark says to himself "Nah, humans are all bones. I'll go eat a grouper instead."

(credits roll....)

 

Raiders of the Lost Ark

 

Opening sequence: Indiana Jones is trying to run away from a giant rolling ball.

 

What if....

Indy trips and falls, and gets flattened by the ball?

(credits roll....)

 

Lethal Weapon II

 

Scene: Murtaugh is sitting on the toilet. He's just discovered the "Boom, You're Dead" message written on the toilet paper and realized the toilet is rigged to explode. Riggs comes in, makes the comment "Guys like you don't die on the toilet" and then they make it out alive.

 

What if....

Right after Riggs says that line, the toilet blows up?

 

(credits roll....)

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Casablanca--Anti-aircraft fire accidentally hits Ilsa's plane, it crashes into Rick's bar. End credits.

 

A Clockwork Orange--As a joke, Georgie replaces Alex's Moloko Drencrum with Folger's crystals. The gang then decides to play parchesi instead of going out. End credits.

 

2001--The monolith falls over and squashes the monkeys, then gets buried in a freak landslide. End credits.

 

The Lord of the Rings--Bilbo pawns the Ring of Doom to get his saxophone out of hock. End credits.

 

Battlestar Galactica--The Council of Twelve says to Baltar, "The Cylons want a treaty? How stupid do you think we are?!" then has him ejected out of an airlock. End credits.

 

Saving Private Ryan--The Nazis wipe out the allied landings on Normandy. End credits.

 

Trainspotting--Instead of heroin, the gang instead winds up with a 99% pure load of China White. Health Inspectors respond to the smell of rotting flesh some weeks later. End credits.

 

Oliver Twist--Mr. Bumble takes Oliver aside and sticks him into the grain mill after he asks for more gruel. End credits.

 

Dr. Strangelove--General Jack D. Ripper is mugged on the way to Burpleson Air Force base, refuses blood transfusion from paramedics for fear of communists having poisoned the blood, dies of septicemia. End credits.

 

The New Pink Panther--Steve Martin reads script, fires agent. End credits.

 

New York Minute--Eugene Levy realizes he's agreed to co-star in a movie with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, commits suicide. End credits.

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Heh, playing off that one above:

 

Alien--Onboard the Nostromo, the computer Mother mistakenly decodes the alien signal from LV-426 as an old episode of "Seinfeld". Decides the crew doesn't need to be awake for it. End credits.

 

28 Days Later--The animal rights activists get the address of the research center confused, wind up at Italian restaurant across the street. They liberate several half-eaten plates of rigatoni and a large three-cheeze and mushroom pizza. End credits.

 

Freddy Got Fingered--The American viewing public finally decides it's gotten stupid enough and deports Tom Green back to Ottawa, where he returns to his mother's basement and cable-access obscurity.

 

Harry Potter--Upon his discovery of his magical powers, Harry accidentally transforms himself into plate of perogies, which is quickly devoured by his relatives. End credits.

 

Kalifornia--David Duchovny and Michelle Forbes take one look at Brad Pitt and Juliette Lewis, floor it away from them without looking back. End credits.

 

Blade Trinity--Wesley Snipes is found dead after abusing one hooker too many in downtown Vancouver, Ryan Reynolds is publicly hanged for being too annoying to live. End credits.

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SW III :

Mace Windu : HE is the traitor ! He i to dangerous to be kept alive

Anakin : k

 

Anakin force pushes Sdious out to corucant's almost endless high streets. Sidious becomes Roughgul food.

 

Long live the republic. The end

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The last Samurai:

 

Katsumoto walks into the imperial palace:

 

Katsumoto: Emperor, we musn't let go of the old ways!

Emperor: U are right...beat it, Americans!

 

* Tom Crusie walks away, crying*

 

-Credits-

 

Forrest Gump:

 

Forrest is fleeing from the car, running.

 

Girl: Run, Forrest, Run!

Forrest: Luitenant....

 

*Forrest get's driven over by the car*

 

-Credits-

 

The Davinci Code

 

Bezu Fache arrests Tom Hanks

 

-Credits roll-

 

The Matrix: Reloaded

 

Instead of Hugo Weaving, Chuck Norris plays agent Smith.

In the first scene, he kicks Trinity's butt, thus ending the movie.

 

-Credits-

 

Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl

 

Guy: 'What's your name, sir?'

Jack Sparrow: 'Ehrm...' *puts some pennies in guy's hand*

Guy: 'Arrest him...'

 

Two bataljons of soldiers storm toward the scene, and Jack ends like his mates...at the rope..

 

-Credits-

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Okay, I'll give it a shot:

 

Batman

 

What if Bruce Wayne's childhood bat trauma was never cured and he ended up in Arkham Asylum?

 

Star Wars Ep IV, A New Hope

 

What if Luke never went to search for R2-D2 and was home when the Stormtroopers came to kill his aunt and uncle?

 

Star Wars Ep I, The Phantom Menace

 

What if young Anakin's Starfighter was destroyed in the space battle over Naboo?

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Spiderman

 

Peter Parker is bitten by a radioactive altered spider and becomes everyone's favorite webslinger.

 

What if...

Peter Parker is bitten by a radioactive altered spider and dies.

 

Lethal Weapon: Riggs does shoot himself.

 

The Fifth Element: Korben doesn't have the nightmare, gets up late, and Leeloo misses Korbens cab entirely.

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Have you play BFME?? He survives there, so play the game and you see

 

Infact, I have...I probably played it the most on LF and actually admitted it. I was one of a few who actually liked. But, that's different, that's a video game.

 

Lord of the Rings: the Two Towers

 

The Uruk-Hai attack Helm's Deep.

 

What if....Gandalf didn't come with Eomer and the Riders of Rohan and the Heir to the throne of Gondor, and his homies died?

 

Credits roll....

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Take any movie and apply a "what if" scenario that would've made the movie credits roll before the audience was able to open their Milk Duds®

 

Q.F.E. How long does it take you guys to open Milk Duds?:xp:

 

Inept Imperial Gunner "Lord Vader, We have the blockade runner in range."

Vader "Disable the craft's engines and shields. Trooper, ready the boarding parties."

Inept Imperial Gunner "Disabling shields... whoopsi, typo..."

BOOM!

Vader "Khooooooo Pah!"

Inept Imperial Gunner "*gasp**choke**fart*"

Credits Roll.

OT no longer exists:(

NT ceases to exist:thmbup1:

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Night of the Living Dead

Car in the opening scene drives into the telephone pole and explodes. fin

 

King Kong (Peter Jackson's version)

The police stop the ship before it can leave the dock and put Jack Black's character in jail. *credits roll*

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The Movie "SCREAM" is renamed "Wail" a couple of weeks before Movie opens the "Trilogy" is a bust. Noone to see credits roll.

 

The Movie "KiDs" is shown fully uncut with Extreme close-ups on Sex Scenes. Directors busted for Kiddy pr0n. No credits to roll.

 

The Movie "Hacker" opening scene "Dade Murphy" being indeited for computer hacking sent up-state 70 yrs instead of probation until he's 18. Credits roll.

 

The Movie "xXx" opening scene "Xander Cage" steals car, jumps bridge, pulls parachute cord (doesn't deploy). Credits roll.

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