REDJOHNNYMIKE Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 So, it's been *counts on fingers* eleventy sumthin thumbs since our father and three stepfathers got a little wasted and realized that England sucks (at the time, no hate for you awesome limeys:D) and they cant be all oppressin and whatever, so they wrote this awesome "Declaration of Soul and Sexiness" and kicked all that pathetic tea into the Mississippi, the tea exploded and shot about half of those Redsocks back over to the Kingdom of Emperor Monty Python, the other half of the british army was rounded up by several small girls and turned over to the Continental Breakfast who found them guilty (when they walked into the holding cells and saw them writhing around in a pile wearing nothing but their red socks (shut up stupid, it was the socks that was red, not the coats, why do you think they called the redsocks)) so they sent them to the Boston Soylent Green factory (the first diamond shaped factory of its' kind), and then the forefathers and some uncles wrote the Constipat Constitution and climbed Pride Rock on the east wing of the White House and Obi Wan Kenobi held it up above his head as a sign of uberness to all the pimps and ladies who bowed in a massive giving of props while the Star Wars theme was played by every band in the world! Today is the day we celebrate the birth of our country (and not having the BBC on 500 channels) by having killer cookouts, big explodey things, and making love in nothing but red socks. UNITED STATES WINS THE UNIVERSE!!! So, how will you celebrate Independence Day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 You've been reading way too much "1066 and All That" lately, haven't you? I will: a. sleep late, at least til the kids get hungry for breakfast and decide to come jump on the bed til Jimbo and/or I wake up b. Go shopping for bratwurst and corn on the cob and watermelon because I forgot to do that today and make some kind of cookie or brownie for dessert c. Soak said brats in some beer for a long time (a Wisconsin tradition. We have so much beer here, it's almost a sin to not soak pork of any kind in it before cooking) and then grill them d. eat like pigs (pun fully intended) e. go down to the lakefront and watch the fireworks display with most of the rest of the city, half of whom have had too much to drink before they even got to the parks. Everyone's remarkably well-behaved, if amusing. Buy popsicles for the kids at the park because of course we want them on a sugar high at 10:30 pm f. Explain to my son that RJM's revisionist history is totally whacked. The tea went in the Missouri, not the Mississippi. Happy 4th of July! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milo Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Woohoo! I don't have to work tomorrow, so I'm probably gonna sleep in till one, then I'll just lounge around all day, and maybe go catch a movie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedHawke Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 In honor of RJM's post I will go and brew some tea! As far as the 4th goes... I will not know what I am doing until I have done it. Likely I will start playing Oblivion or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiEND_138 Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Eat barbq, drink beer/inhale some other form of intoxicant, & play with explosives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dath Maximus Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 I'm re-declaring war on england. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REDJOHNNYMIKE Posted July 4, 2006 Author Share Posted July 4, 2006 @Jae, 1066??? @RH, Make sure it's explodey tea! One must be patriotic, and explodey things are very Americun:D @DM, The Grand Poobah of MOJO and his fan-girl army are greasing the monkey tanks of rampant funk as we speak! I hereby declare the former United Kingdom... AHTO TWO!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth InSidious Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Burning US flags, naturally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 @Jae, 1066??? "1066 and All That": It's a total spoof on British history very much in the style you used above for your little 'history lesson'. It's hilarious--if you appreciate dry humor, because it's not a slapstick kind of humor. If I were teaching British history, it'd be required reading for my students to try and figure out which was the real history and which was just general poking fun. The library usually has it if you don't want to buy it, and if it doesn't, they can get it for you on interlibrary loan from a college. It's a very short book but a lot of fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 So, how will you celebrate Independence Day? Since I'm from a different part of the world, I won't, but I wish the very best to those of you who do celebrate it! UNITED STATES WINS THE UNIVERSE!!! Yeah right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth InSidious Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 "1066 and All That": It's a total spoof on British history very much in the style you used above for your little 'history lesson'. It's hilarious--if you appreciate dry humor, because it's not a slapstick kind of humor. If I were teaching British history, it'd be required reading for my students to try and figure out which was the real history and which was just general poking fun. The library usually has it if you don't want to buy it, and if it doesn't, they can get it for you on interlibrary loan from a college. It's a very short book but a lot of fun. The test papers are particularly amusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 I'm going to work! WooHoo! err..wait a minute, that kinda sucks Seriously though, after work, much debauchery will ensue as I shall slack tomorrow and take one of the many personal days I've built up to "recover" from today Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HerbieZ Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 UNITED STATES WINS THE UNIVERSE!!! So, how will you celebrate Independence Day? HIGHEST OBESITY MORTALITY RATES IN HISTORY!!!! Im sorry but the only thing i think of when i hear of independance day is aliens and will smith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabretooth Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Happy Independence Day, American idiots. Wait till Asia crushes you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Doctor Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Im sorry but the only thing i think of when i hear of independance day is aliens and will smith. You forgot Brent Spiner. You fail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HerbieZ Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 You forgot Brent Spiner. You fail. Oh man and him, how can i forget. Can't beleive i met him once. He really is cool. I got him uber-confused about how to pronounce my name, he is an absolute legend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samnmax221 Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 4-Wheeling this morning, lunch with grandparents, fireworks at night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commander Obi-Wan Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Happy Birthday, Yanks. Hope it's a great, big, birthday for y'all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Sitherino Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 I'ma fly my plane into an alien spacecraft and save the mother ****ing planet. Ungrateful bastards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prime Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Ungrateful bastards.I've been saying that for years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Happy Independence Day, may everyone be 10% more independent than usual! @RJM: Aren't you supposed to be against communism? @Jae: Wasn't the tea thrown into Boston Harbour? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth InSidious Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 I thought they just had a party... ( ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 @Jae: Wasn't the tea thrown into Boston Harbour? Yes, it was, I was just making further contributions to RJM's ridiculous history 'lesson', made even more amusing by the fact that I was a TA for a History 101 class (American history from colonial days through the Civil War) so I know what he's spoofing and when. @RJM--you forgot the references to Black Adder and the folks from "Are You Being Served?", along with something (clean) about Paul Revere's horse and 1 if by land, 2 if by sea, and 3 if by alien space attack. @ChAiNz--man, that sucks that you have to work today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Windu Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Yaaaay *blows up stuff* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samnmax221 Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Now for a Minnesota tradition, driving into Wisconsin to buy fireworks that we can't have here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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